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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband won't speak to me

219 replies

Bishpish · 07/09/2020 09:51

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

OP posts:
HelloBolloxMyOldFriend · 07/09/2020 15:26

+1 on thinking he has a crush/there is someone he wants to see

He'll get plenty of opportunity to take them to school in a shared custody agreement

+1 on that too

honeygirlz · 07/09/2020 16:16

There was another thread where the DP only liked to do school runs in terms of child care, and that was because of the social side, acting up to the mums as it was a perfect, hands on dad. Maybe it was the same Op in another thread?

monkeyonthetable · 07/09/2020 16:57

@EDSGFC - but it's not all about who does the actual drop off at the gates. You can walk to school together and look at snails and spiders webs and chat to DC and sing silly songs and practise safe crossing of roads etc. It's a bit weird if the only thing he cares about is the actual delivery of child into school. Enjoying taking your kids to school usually includes spending time with them on the journey, which they could all do.

EDSGFC · 07/09/2020 17:10

[quote monkeyonthetable]@EDSGFC - but it's not all about who does the actual drop off at the gates. You can walk to school together and look at snails and spiders webs and chat to DC and sing silly songs and practise safe crossing of roads etc. It's a bit weird if the only thing he cares about is the actual delivery of child into school. Enjoying taking your kids to school usually includes spending time with them on the journey, which they could all do.[/quote]
But maybe he doesn't want to do all of that with the op, for any number of reasons. Maybe he does want to see them going into class? For what reason is op so adamant that she must take them come to that? The whole argument over who takes them seems weird.

honeygirlz · 07/09/2020 17:33

@EDSGFC clearly it’s a task that both OP and DP enjoy, and as the DP refuses to do anything else (including get kids ready for school) then why on earth should OP forego her enjoyment to placate DP?

EDSGFC · 07/09/2020 17:38

[quote honeygirlz]@EDSGFC clearly it’s a task that both OP and DP enjoy, and as the DP refuses to do anything else (including get kids ready for school) then why on earth should OP forego her enjoyment to placate DP?[/quote]
Because they are both the parents and it isn't a competition with the children as a prize?

Him doing things with the children is separate from him doing chores. He absolutely should be stepping up so that everything is split equally, taking into account work etc as well but him spending time with the children shouldn't depend on him having completed his chores.

blagaaw99 · 07/09/2020 17:38

I would be wondering why he wants to...?

LilyLongJohn · 07/09/2020 17:41

Do not give in to him, if he wants to take the dc to school he can do, if you want to join him, you can do, if he wants to join you, he can do. He sounds bloody awful

Hailtomyteeth · 07/09/2020 17:41

Definitely a school gate romance.

MrsToothyBitch · 07/09/2020 17:48

I'd make a point of doing it myself from now on. I'd wait to see which simpering bimbo cracks first and asks where he's got to...

SueEllenMishke · 07/09/2020 17:50

I’m missing the point entirely here, because all I can think about is how you both have the luxury to choose to do the school run ... do you not have jobs to get to???

Lots of people work flexible hours or wfh 🤷🏼‍♀️

MitziK · 07/09/2020 17:52

Of course, if you binned this whining, sulking waste of space, he could guarantee being able to take the kids to school 50% of the time.

He'd just have to get up and get them ready as well, because he'd be on his own with them.

PickAChew · 07/09/2020 18:01

He gets to spend time with the children when he's making sure that chloe eats more than a solitary bite of toast before feeding it to the goldfish, Ben cleans more than two of his teeth, Jack puts his diary back in his bag and not down the side of the sofa and all the kids have had a wee before they leave and no one ends up crying.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/09/2020 18:02

Fab that he wants to do the school run sometimes, that means you can go to an early gym session/swim/whatever, leaving the house at about 7am. And obviously you wouldn't be giving a grown man instructions or lunches/bags/PE kit etc, doubtless he'll be able to sort all that without you getting involved.
Win/win, I say. And no need for long complicated discussions, just " Fine, you take them tomorrow." Then just get up and go out yourself and go and do your thing.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 07/09/2020 18:30

the silent treatment is emotional abuse.

Notice he didn't get up early and to the drudge work or wake the kids up and sort them out. He just wanted the 'glory, look at me, awesome dad' stroll through the school gates.

Why not just get rid of the useless git, OP? Your life sounds like it would be easier with him gone.

S111n20 · 07/09/2020 18:33

Well he can’t have wanted to do it that bad or he would have joined you taking them to school. I find this very odd.. what does he normally do on the school run that can’t involve you ? Is he talking to another mum not in a innocent way. I wouldn’t speak to him for his odd behaviour sounds like a complete nob to me.

Original poster
Bishpish · 07/09/2020 19:11

Well, it all came to a head as I was sick of him ignoring me when I hadn't done anything wrong. Blush

He said I was stopping him from going to school and that I had been plotting this all summer. Yes, I did tell him that I didn't want him coming back after 6 months demanding to be involved again.

He's told me that he will be doing all the school runs from now on, morning and evening and demanded I add him to the women's school chat group. He's not letting me go anymore.

I hate myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bishpish · 07/09/2020 19:13

...I wish I had never said anything. He's got what0 he wanted and he still isn't speaking to me.

OP posts:
Whyemseeaye · 07/09/2020 19:19

I’m sorry OP, how horrible for you.

He sounds like a prize prick!

Do not add him to the group. If he wants in let him do the asking, to them.
Also, let him do the school run. See how long it lasts. DO NOT lift a finger to help him. Absolute douche bag!!

LemonNLime · 07/09/2020 19:22

I'm sorry what do you mean he's not letting you go anymore?

This comment has me seeing red on your behalf.

TheChristmasPrincess · 07/09/2020 19:31

Just ignore him back. Communicate where you need to, but make sure it’s bare minimum and monotone. If he wants to act like a child, treat him like a child.

You’re meant to be a team, he can’t pick and choose what jobs he wants to do. Enjoy the school run and don’t feel guilty about doing something you clearly get enjoyment/satisfaction from. Don’t let him grind you down!

Giraffey1 · 07/09/2020 19:31

What do you mean, he is not letting you .. ? He doesn’t get to control you!

napody · 07/09/2020 19:32

Thats ridiculous. Definitely no to adding to mums group (I was in the 'hero dad' not 'wants to flirt with mums' camp til that update.

Genius idea by a pp to head out for a nice swim/gym/walk and coffee from 7am and leave him to it.

TheChristmasPrincess · 07/09/2020 19:34

@Bishpish

Well, it all came to a head as I was sick of him ignoring me when I hadn't done anything wrong. Blush

He said I was stopping him from going to school and that I had been plotting this all summer. Yes, I did tell him that I didn't want him coming back after 6 months demanding to be involved again.

He's told me that he will be doing all the school runs from now on, morning and evening and demanded I add him to the women's school chat group. He's not letting me go anymore.

I hate myself.

Wait...what do you mean he’s not letting you go anymore?

That’s a big red flag! Please make sure you have access to your house and car keys. Maybe hide them so he can’t take them off you. Pretty worried about you now!

Original poster
Bishpish · 07/09/2020 19:41

Please don't worry about me, I'm fine. I should be used to it by now, everytime I say something he doesn't like he threatens to leave.

I'm just devastated because I feel used. The past 6 months we have had an amazing family time. First day back in the normal routine and he wants to shove me out of the way. I knew it was going to happen, I don't know why I bother saying anything. I just feel stupid. Blush

OP posts:
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