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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband won't speak to me

219 replies

Bishpish · 07/09/2020 09:51

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 07/09/2020 12:33

Not pulling his weight?

Won't speak to you for a week?

I wouldn't put up with this shit.

Dump him.You deserve better.

inappropriateraspberry · 07/09/2020 12:36

He's being very childish in his approach, but so are you OP. Why do you insist on doing it together? Can you not both get up at a reasonable time, get them ready together, then one of you can do the actual school run? Take it in turns, daily, weekly, whatever. But stop squabbling over it like children over a toy.

Giraffey1 · 07/09/2020 12:38

I think it is perfectly understandable that he might want to take the kids to school. However, if he wants to do that, he should be doing all the prep work that goes with it, or at the very least, share it with you. It’s not fair of him to cherry pick!

As for sulking and not speaking to you, does he have form for this? His treatment seems symptomatic of something deeper.

Oldraver · 07/09/2020 12:41

Yes I recognise the situatio form months ago and there is lot more going on

NoSleepInTheHeat · 07/09/2020 12:51

I find it really sad all the affair accusations... Maybe he just loves his children and actually wants to take them to school. Nothing weird
... nothing weird except the fact that he doesn't want OP to be there as well.

OP, I would ask him clearly: why do you want to do the school run but only on your own? If he says he needs alone time then suggest he can go to the supermarket instead. If he says time with the DC, suggest that he is in charge of dinner and/or bath time. Etc

And give him a taste of his medicine, stop talking to him, don't cook for him, don't do his laundry...

YgritteSnow · 07/09/2020 12:53

@Rigamorph

??????

This is two adults in a relationship, right?

Not two children arguing over who gets to take the dog for a walk??

Only one of the adults is being a problem here.
mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 12:56

Only one of the adults is being a problem here.

OP has been pretty childish too acting as if the school run is some sort of treat she will let her DH do if he has been good.

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 12:58

... nothing weird except the fact that he doesn't want OP to be there as well.

I don't find that weird at all. They're not joined at the hip - maybe he wants the time alone with his kids, or to stop off for a coffee in peace on the way home?

But if he wants to do the school run, he needs to be doing all the work leading up to it as well. He doesn't just get to do the easy bit and opt out of the rest.

positivelynegative · 07/09/2020 13:00

It's not the grandstanding, but the stonewalling that's the issue here. How the fuck does someone sulk for that long and expect to be loved.

The lack of help has caused this. Try mentioning this. The he can consider: He can do the school run on his contact days spot on.

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 13:02

But if he wants to do the school run, he needs to be doing all the work leading up to it as well. He doesn't just get to do the easy bit and opt out of the rest.

Why?

DarkmilkAddict · 07/09/2020 13:08

A pp nailed it with What an absolute melon

DishingOutDone · 07/09/2020 13:08

@mrpumblechook - well, why indeed eh? Why does he have to do anything? Just pick the bits of parenting he likes and the little woman can accommodate him.

reader12 · 07/09/2020 13:09

This relationship sounds like a disaster. If you can’t talk to each other like grown ups what is the point in being together?

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 13:10

Why?

Well, why should get to lie in bed until 8am while OP runs about like a blue-arsed fly getting the kids ready for school?

He's their parent as well. Doing the school run means doing ALL of the school run - that means getting the children up, fed, washed, teeth brush, bags packed and lunches made. It doesn't mean having a lie-in while your other half does it all for you!

honeygirlz · 07/09/2020 13:11

What's he adding to your life? 6 months of no help, week long silent treatment? it's a very familiar story, dump the cunt and move on!

MaxNormal · 07/09/2020 13:33

On a thread about men in their forties, people were maintaining that having children made people more mature. Exhibit A against....

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 13:35

[quote DishingOutDone]@mrpumblechook - well, why indeed eh? Why does he have to do anything? Just pick the bits of parenting he likes and the little woman can accommodate him.[/quote]
I didn't say that the "little woman should accommodate him". I just don't see why it is only possible to take children to school if you have also got them ready. If OP doesn't think the relationship is equal she should discuss this with him like and adult and come to a solution or leave. She isn't his parent and it isn't up to her to teach him lessons.

billy1966 · 07/09/2020 13:37

He sounds like a very nasty man, who is definitely abusive.

But very concerned with appearance.

OP,
Think about your future with this horrible man.
Protect yourself.
Good men, good husbands and good fathers do NOT behave like this.

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 13:39

Well, why should get to lie in bed until 8am while OP runs about like a blue-arsed fly getting the kids ready for school?

I didn't say he should "get to lie in bed". If OP is getting far less sleep than him to should address it . I just don't see what it's got to do with taking the children to school.

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 13:40

I didn't say he should "get to lie in bed". If OP is getting far less sleep than him to should address it . I just don't see what it's got to do with taking the children to school.

Well, I would have thought it was obvious.

He wants the easy, fun part of the school run. He doesn't want to do any of the actual work involved, otherwise he'd have gotten his arse out of bed in time.

AmandaHugenkiss · 07/09/2020 13:41

OP, did you have another thread on here a while ago where you said you DH refused to do anything round the house over lockdown, and even before lockdown cherry picked the nice jobs such as school drop off and refused to help with other jobs?

If that’s the case, stand your ground. He can’t just pick the fun stuff that makes him look good at the school gate. Tell him he can do alternate weeks, and also alternate weeks on all the other shit jobs. Makes it fair.

knittingaddict · 07/09/2020 13:41

This sounds very familiar - not doing anything during lockdown and then demanding to do the school run. Have you posted before op?

FilledSoda · 07/09/2020 13:45

The silent treatment is abusive to you and the children , I'd walk for that alone . God knows what else is going on .

Sparklesocks · 07/09/2020 13:47

It’s completely childish to shut down and give someone the silent treatment, let alone your spouse. That’s not how adults address problems. And he’ll likely keep that up for a week?? Stonewalling is also harmful, it belittles and disrespects the other person. Not to mention the kids will notice how dad talks to (or doesn’t talk to) mum.

If he was upset that he was left out he can voice his view in a more mature, adult way. Based on your other comments though it sounds like he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

You need to weigh up what he brings to your marriage and if you’re happy. It’s not a good sign that this is his go to method of communication when doesn’t like something.

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 13:47

He wants the easy, fun part of the school run. He doesn't want to do any of the actual work involved, otherwise he'd have gotten his arse out of bed in time.

I don't actually agree it's the "easy, fun part of the school run". It's all the same thing or at least it should be at the moment as parents shouldn't be hanging around the school gates chatting anyway. Regardless, if OP wants them to do more parenting she should address that rather than arguing over petty issues.

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