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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband won't speak to me

219 replies

Bishpish · 07/09/2020 09:51

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

OP posts:
Devlesko · 07/09/2020 13:49

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind

God he's a big baby twat isn't he. I'm surprised you managed to have sex let alone kids with a sulking baby.
How can you find this attractive? Each to their own, I suppose.

derxa · 07/09/2020 13:54

He wants the easy, fun part of the school run. Really? Confused

slipperywhensparticus · 07/09/2020 13:57

My ex used to do this turns out he was telling everyone I was fucking sleeping my ds said no she isn't a few times but was told shhh son grown ups talking when I did the school run my friend said no lie in today? I said no lie in any day mate ive got three kids and laughed because I had no CLUE he was spreading such bullshit around! Everyone was asking me if I was grateful for my husband bringing the kid to school i was like??? Grateful? I get the whole house up dressed and ready including him and his clothes the LEAST he can do is drop them off while I start on the housework

It was enlightening when they told me what he was saying

BoyTree · 07/09/2020 14:04

OP has been pretty childish too acting as if the school run is some sort of treat she will let her DH do if he has been good.

The OP got up with the kids and got them ready and planned to do the school run alone, but was happy for her husband to come too if he wanted. He stropped off and refused - how is the OP's behaviour childish in this situation?

monkeyonthetable · 07/09/2020 14:05

I find it really sad all the affair accusations... Maybe he just loves his children and actually wants to take them to school. Nothing weird

@Pollypocket89 - in which case why not happily take them to school with their mum. One big cosy family. Instead of sulking and grumping and making the start of school all about him and his needs?
My instinct says he wants to play Perfect Dad and flirt at the school gates. Seen those dads and seen women even dress up to flirt with them. It's pathetic.
Want to take your kids to school? Wife suggests you take them to school along with her? Say yes. Nothing weird about that. Say no? Weird.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2020 14:15

He sounds horrid. I cannot stand the silent treatment. It is childish and rude.

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 14:17

@BoyTree

OP has been pretty childish too acting as if the school run is some sort of treat she will let her DH do if he has been good.

The OP got up with the kids and got them ready and planned to do the school run alone, but was happy for her husband to come too if he wanted. He stropped off and refused - how is the OP's behaviour childish in this situation?

She is being childish for making a big deal about who does the school run. If he hasn't helped with the children for six months she should making a big deal out that rather than controlling who does the school run.
Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 14:18

I do think it’s the fun easy part - getting everything ready is the hassle! And chivvying up the kids.

Once you’re ready and out the door, it’s a sigh of relief and nice chat with the dc, who are often at their best on that walk.

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 14:18

And actually the last thing schools need is for both parents hanging around the gates in the morning. People should be dropping their children off and then leaving straight away rather than hanging around.

Nogoodusername · 07/09/2020 14:20

Stand your ground - he doesn’t just get to do the bit of parenting he likes and sod all the rest of the time.

FWIW - my DH likes doing school runs. But because he is an active and involved Dad, not because he wants to look like Mr Super Dad and get praise. He also gets up for night wakings when they are poorly, gets up in the morning and makes packed lunch or breakfast or whatever, takes them to the park or extra curriculars etc

Angelina82 · 07/09/2020 14:23

What exactly is it you need to prepare that takes 3 hours?!!!

BoyTree · 07/09/2020 14:26

I don't see how she's making a 'big deal' of it - all the OP said was that she wanted to do it, either with or without him.

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 14:29

@derxa

He wants the easy, fun part of the school run. Really? Confused
Yes, really. Walking out of the door to school is much easier than chivvying multiple children along - making sure they're fed, changed, have everything they need and getting them ready on time.
CharityDingle · 07/09/2020 14:30

Not sure if you posted previously about it, OP, but it sounds familiar. I presume he wants to seem like an involved parent, to others, by doing the school run. I presume at the moment, everyone arriving at the school gate, is caught up in ensuring that the Covid guidelines are followed, rather than admiring him anyway.

That said, silent treatment is totally unacceptable. If he has done nothing for six months, I would be looking at what he brings to your life, or that of your children.

borntohula · 07/09/2020 14:32

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

Having an affair/crush with someone at the school gates?
😂😂😂

Totally the most obvious explanation...

2020iscancelled · 07/09/2020 14:33

What you’re arguing over is a bit of a moot point (although it would annoy me also that he cherry picks what he wants to do and leaves everything else), the big red flag for me here is the abusive treatment when he doesn’t get his own way.

He’s not sulking - that invokes a vision of a harmless young child moping around because they didn’t get their own way.
He is not sulking, he is purposefully stonewalling you to both a) punish you for having the audacity to disagree and b) manipulate you to do as he wants next time.

Stonewalling is a tactic used by abusers.

Your relationship isn’t going anywhere OP, sorry but if I were you I’d be starting to get my affairs in order and preparing to go it alone

Coconuttts · 07/09/2020 14:43

I’m missing the point entirely here, because all I can think about is how you both have the luxury to choose to do the school run ... do you not have jobs to get to???

fuzzyduck1 · 07/09/2020 14:45

So who does he want to see on the school run that he doesn’t want you to know about? Sounds fishy to me

AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2020 14:54

Frankly, I don't get all the hoopdedoo about the school run that I've read on MN. Maybe because I'm American and my kids are grown. You take them to school and you drop them, then you go pick them up at the end of the day. What's the big deal? I took the kids on the days DH and I both worked as he started work at 6am, I started at 8. Whoever was going to be home first picked them up. But on his weekdays off he took them & picked them as it meant they could leave later and get home earlier. It was based on convenience and what worked best for DC and nothing else.

I can understand your frustration that he doesn't help you. And if you feel that the school run is your 'reward' for the morning's work getting them out the door then that's fine. Tell him that he can have the 'privilege' of taking the DC to school 'by himself' when he starts getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to get them ready. If he steps up, then you'll have the school run time to have a cuppa or just enjoy the quiet house. If not, then carry on by all means.

What on earth are you doing that takes 3 hours every morning to get ready? If I were you I'd take a look at my morning routine.

MobLife · 07/09/2020 14:56

This is clearly about so much more than the school run though isn't it, lets be honest!

justasking111 · 07/09/2020 15:04

Apart from the school run I have to ask why you let him get away with doing nothing for six months??? @Bishpish

Mittens030869 · 07/09/2020 15:09

Having an affair/crush with someone at the school gates?

^I can't think of any other reason why he would be so keen to do the school run and nothing else! My DH will be doing it when our DDs go back to school from tomorrow but that's because I have a sprained ankle. Necessity in other words.

In previous years, he hardly ever did it, because he had to get to work.

EDSGFC · 07/09/2020 15:18

in which case why not happily take them to school with their mum. One big cosy family.

Because it's only meant to be one adult doing drop off? Are they going to have an argument at the school gates about which one gets to take them in?

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 15:20

@Coconuttts

I’m missing the point entirely here, because all I can think about is how you both have the luxury to choose to do the school run ... do you not have jobs to get to???
Not everyone works Monday-Friday, 9-5 Hmm
BloggersBlog · 07/09/2020 15:20

You there @Bishpish??

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