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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband won't speak to me

219 replies

Bishpish · 07/09/2020 09:51

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 07/09/2020 20:56

No way I'd be told I couldn't take the DC to school. I'd let him leave - he's nasty

S111n20 · 07/09/2020 21:03

Has something maybe happened and he doesn’t want you bumping into a certain person ??

Whyemseeaye · 07/09/2020 21:15

He’s just being a bullying arsehole.

I’d bet he causes these kind of arguments as and when it suits him.

I’d bet that he also decides when the argument is over. Never apologises and makes out it’s you that’s caused it.

Some men are just absolute tossers and this is standard behaviour for them.

Do you always react in the same way when this happens? Sometimes changing your response to this type of behaviour can be the shift you need for you. You can start to really see what an unbelievable idiot he’s being and question why you’re putting up with it.

Won’t let you take your own children indeed! It’d be a cold day in hell before I’d be told by anyone what I am and aren’t allowed to do with my kids.

frumpety · 07/09/2020 21:22

demanded I add him to the women's school chat group

Oh did he now ? and did he mention why it was so important to him to be included ?

Nextstationnowhere · 07/09/2020 21:23

You are a doormat. Good luck to you

Giraffey1 · 07/09/2020 21:26

He threatens to leave? I’d just wave him goodbye. He doesn’t deserve you and is a controlling bastard.

frumpety · 07/09/2020 21:33

If he was the main person taking them previously , so before the pandemic, surely he could have asked someone else to join him up to the group ? They are usually about things like asking for spellings someones child has forgotton or checking start times of events or clubs or random stuff like that. Not very tech savvy, but if he joined the group would this mean he could private message people in the group ?

TenDays · 07/09/2020 21:35

Division of labour apart, silent treatment/sulking is emotional abuse. You don't have to put up with that.

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2020 21:35

@Bishpish

Please don't worry about me, I'm fine. I should be used to it by now, everytime I say something he doesn't like he threatens to leave.

I'm just devastated because I feel used. The past 6 months we have had an amazing family time. First day back in the normal routine and he wants to shove me out of the way. I knew it was going to happen, I don't know why I bother saying anything. I just feel stupid. Blush

Why don't you 'let' him leave.

Then don't let him back.

Why are you staying with him?

Pumpkinpie1 · 07/09/2020 21:36

You have bigger issues than the school run

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 21:42

Let him leave!

Practice saying “bye bye then, controlling bastard”

LilyLongJohn · 07/09/2020 21:44

Enjoy your lie in tomorrow morning OP. Let him sort the dc breakfast, dressing, teeth, school lunches etc and have yourself a lie in whilst he takes the dc to school

derxa · 07/09/2020 21:47

What a load of old drivel

saleorbouy · 07/09/2020 21:49

Sounds like he needs to go back to school himself with that childish carry on! He's a grown up and should have learnt in infant school that "sharing is caring."

Nextstationnowhere · 07/09/2020 21:51

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3953019-To-resent-DH-for-cherry-picking-the-one-job-he-is-interested-in-doing

You got good advice in your last thread.

S111n20 · 07/09/2020 22:13

Nextstationnowhere

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3953019-To-resent-DH-for-cherry-picking-the-one-job-he-is-interested-in-doing

You got good advice in your last thread.

Very interesting

Leave the prick

RandomMess · 07/09/2020 22:16

You do have options, you are married so the money, income, assets is as much yours as his.

Please speak to women's aid and ask for solicitor recommendations and arrange to see one.

Thanks
AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2020 22:32

Why are you letting him control you in this way? Are you afraid of him either physically or emotionally?

Thedogscollar · 07/09/2020 23:11

He sounds insufferable.

GiantPinesAhem · 07/09/2020 23:45

Next time he threatens to leave, I'd help him pack 😂

PickAChew · 07/09/2020 23:46

That other thread is very enlightening - and does explain the early starts.

Essential reading
www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf#page=18

Yeahnahmum · 08/09/2020 00:01

Gosh you sound as childish as him

Let him take the kids to school !! But do let him get up at early clock as well to get the kids up and ready for school

Yeahnahmum · 08/09/2020 00:03

O. I see he always threatens to leave.
Well. Let him leave. And pack his bags for him

RightYesButNo · 08/09/2020 00:05

@Bishpish Oh, OP. No. You are not fine. He got IRATE at you. He threatened you. He emotionally blackmailed you. He DEMANDED to be added to a MUMS’ chat (no doubt so that he can look like Saint Dad).

You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to leave him. Or let him leave. And you are allowed access to your own money and half of your home (if the home was bought after your marriage) and financial support to raise your children. Women’s Aid CAN help you. And people WILL believe you. We live in a society now where most people are smart enough to understand that many abusers can appear to be helpful and jolly and wonderful except behind closed doors in their own homes.

Please consider starting a new thread in Relationships, even under a new name if you feel you really need to, to get advice from many, many, MANY MNers who have faced what you’re facing and come through it.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 08/09/2020 00:13

@Bishpish please listen to the advice you've been given here and do not allow this man to continue to abuse you. It sounds like you're scared of him so I'd advise you to talk to Women's Aid. Good luck. Keep coming back here, you'll receive some great advice.