Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband won't speak to me

219 replies

Bishpish · 07/09/2020 09:51

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 07/09/2020 11:08

He can fuck right off :)

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 11:15

Sounds like an utter shit!

And also a lot like my ex - both in terms of silent treatment (which is horrible and abusive) and the wanting to cherry pick a nice job.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 11:16

What’s he been doing for the past six months then?

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 07/09/2020 11:20

You're really fighting over a school run...

BorsetshireBlueBalls · 07/09/2020 11:34

OP did you post about this anticipated behaviour in a thread a few months ago when it seemed you had a LOT of problems in your marriage, likely candidate for divorce? I haven't checked your posting history but the turn of phrase, as well as the situation, reminded me of that other thread.

Wannabegreenfingers · 07/09/2020 11:35

Def show Dad, my stbexh is one of these. It's very draining.

Advicewouldbeappreciated · 07/09/2020 11:36

Why did you need to be up at 5 30 to get the kids ready for school?!
Also, why do you want to take them tomorrow-surely him taking them is equally nice for them.

Iwantacookie · 07/09/2020 11:38

Ide just let him. Used to love it when dp was rained off so hed be back in time to take them to school.

RandomMess · 07/09/2020 11:43

Have you posted about him before always cherry picking this job?

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 11:53

So many questions!

Why does anyone need to wake up at 5.30 for an 8.30 school run?
What kind of adult stops talking to their partner for a WEEK over such a minor issue?
If he wants to do the school run, he can do the whole thing, which includes uniform, breakfast, packed lunches etc.
If you took them today, what on earth is the problem with him going tomorrow? Why is the only option that he has to go with you or not at all?

I would accept he wants to do the school run, so tell him you'll be having a lie-in tomorrow while he does so. Problem solved, surely?

notanothertakeaway · 07/09/2020 11:54

@Florencex

I really could not cope with somebody who would sulk for a week.

But I don’t really understand why there is an issue, why don’t you take it turns to take them to school if it is something you both enjoy. Agree that whoever of you is taking them also gets them ready.

I agree with this. And I don't understand why you have to get up at 5.30am to get ready for school
TheyThoughtItWasAllOver · 07/09/2020 11:55

To those asking why get up at 5.30am, I'm assuming this is the time a child is getting up and needs/wants someone up with them. My DS still got up at that time in Reception.

PickAChew · 07/09/2020 12:02

My guess is that the 5:30 start is because there is a child who gets up that early. Mine already had his shoes on at 7, this morning!

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 12:02

People are saying “why fight over this” etc.
It’s clearly not the OP making a fight - she’s looked after the dc through out lockdown and was just continuing to do it.

It was the husband who walked down stairs nearly three hours after OP got up and started making a fuss. And OP gave him the chance to come too, which wasn’t good enough for his majesty.

I don’t think it points necessarily to an affair or crush but it does suggest show dad wanting the only publicly obvious job, and none of the hard work.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 07/09/2020 12:06

I would be happy he isn't speaking and enjoy the peace! Getting up
At 08.10 whilst you have done all the work? Seriously @Bishpish sort your husband out.

HorsePellets · 07/09/2020 12:07

Why does it matter that it’s 5:30? Just because your houses don’t run that way doesn’t mean that other people’s don’t. Is it really so hard to fathom that other people live different lives to you? Fucks sake.

The time the OP gets up is completely not the point of this.

The point is that she gets up, does all the publicly invisible, thankless shite-work of getting the kids ready, and her selfish, lazy arse of a husband surfaces just in time to demand to do the quick, easy, performative bit and then behaves abominably when she says that, actually, nope, she’s taking them because - shock, horror - she actually likes taking them too, and he doesn’t get to swan in and do the nice stuff without taking his share of the hard stuff too.

YANBU.

Let him ignore you. Leave him to stew. But do NOTHING for him while he does. Except possibly pack him a bag for when you inevitably sling him out, and definitely start thinking about how you have a far bigger conversation about his overall attitude and behaviour, and how you extricate yourself from this shitshow of a relationship if he doesn’t make some massive changes.

SoupDragon · 07/09/2020 12:11

So, if he only wants to do the school run because of an affair/crush, why does the OP want to do the school run? Is she also having an affair/crush?

Obviously the sulking is ridiculous and childish but I don't see why there needs to be such a fuss - if he wants to do the school run he does it all including the early start and prep.

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 12:11

Why does it matter that it’s 5:30? Just because your houses don’t run that way doesn’t mean that other people’s don’t. Is it really so hard to fathom that other people live different lives to you? Fucks sake.

I don't know - I do think it is relevant. If OP is getting up that early out of necessity, fine, but most people don't need to get up three hours before the school run. How much of that is unnecessary prep that could be done the night before, for example?

While getting up for the school run at 8am is obviously far too late, getting up at 5.30am is, in my opinion, just as ridiculous, unless there's a valid reason for it (young baby, for example).

TheClawww · 07/09/2020 12:13

He'll get plenty of opportunity to take them to school in a shared custody agreement

Jagoda · 07/09/2020 12:17

Sorry, I would also be very suspicious of a man who according to OP has done fuck all to look after his children for six months, but suddenly wants to do school run.

RoseTintedAtuin · 07/09/2020 12:17

I don’t understand the drama from either side. His response to you taking them or your refusal to allow him to...
do they hand out cash at the school gates? Why do you need to take them? If it’s just because he wants to then it seems you’re shooting yourself in the foot. If the kids get to school what’s the issue? I would understand more if you were complaining he wasn’t doing a chore you had asked but this just seems like a childish squabble.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 12:18

He'll get plenty of opportunity to take them to school in a shared custody agreement

^^
Also this

TheyThoughtItWasAllOver · 07/09/2020 12:20

@SoupDragon

So, if he only wants to do the school run because of an affair/crush, why does the OP want to do the school run? Is she also having an affair/crush?

Obviously the sulking is ridiculous and childish but I don't see why there needs to be such a fuss - if he wants to do the school run he does it all including the early start and prep.

I think it's his insistence that he does the school run alone, without the OP, that is making people think affair or has his eye on someone. I think it's more likely he knows it looks like he has done more than he has if he goes alone though.
AlwaysCheddar · 07/09/2020 12:25

LTB

mrpumblechook · 07/09/2020 12:30

@RoseTintedAtuin

I don’t understand the drama from either side. His response to you taking them or your refusal to allow him to... do they hand out cash at the school gates? Why do you need to take them? If it’s just because he wants to then it seems you’re shooting yourself in the foot. If the kids get to school what’s the issue? I would understand more if you were complaining he wasn’t doing a chore you had asked but this just seems like a childish squabble.
That's what I can't work out. Yes, the DH is pathetic to not want to speak to OP over this. OP is a childish too though to make such a big deal of the school run.