My husband won't speak to me

[Bishpish]

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

Sorry OP. Mine is a ridiculous arse who sulks as well, it's pathetic, especially as mine is almost 50.

Just let him leave.

You're miserable.

I really don't understand why it's so out of the question for you to both do this together.

What have I just read?

He's just said he'll be doing all school runs and told you to add him to the school chat.

Easy solution. Don't do it. Every day you go out with the DC to school. Ignore what he does. If he comes too then so be it but don't let it stop you. Same for collection.

Don't add him to the group chat.

What's the worst that would happen? You do realise if he leaves that would be a good thing. He may well be tying to set up the public narrative that he does everything with the kids so he can use it in the future. Do not allow this to happen.

He is trying to show the world what a good Dad he is and is he telling his audience at the school gate that you cant come because you have mental health issues/alcohol problems?
I have actually known this happen in real life and the poor woman nearly lost her DC to him.
Get the hell out of there OP.
Everyone has been telling you the same thing since June.

OP, this whole thread has just made me sad. You are so beaten down. He threatens to leave and uses that as a tool to control you. Honestly, I'd let him.

@EDSGFC

Because they are both the parents and it isn't a competition with the children as a prize?

Him doing things with the children is separate from him doing chores. He absolutely should be stepping up so that everything is split equally, taking into account work etc as well but him spending time with the children shouldn't depend on him having completed his chores.

You appear to have tunnel vision. It’s not separate at all. So OP does everything for the kids, and DP lies in bed while she washes/dresses/feeds and he then wants to take them to school when she would like to be the one to walk with the kids to school. Can you really not see that’s not fair to OP? He doesn’t even want to take it turns.

Your way of doing things makes OP doormat.

He doesn't get to let you go.

Solve this issue permanently and leave him.

[quote honeygirlz]@EDSGFC

Because they are both the parents and it isn't a competition with the children as a prize?

Him doing things with the children is separate from him doing chores. He absolutely should be stepping up so that everything is split equally, taking into account work etc as well but him spending time with the children shouldn't depend on him having completed his chores.

You appear to have tunnel vision. It’s not separate at all. So OP does everything for the kids, and DP lies in bed while she washes/dresses/feeds and he then wants to take them to school when she would like to be the one to walk with the kids to school. Can you really not see that’s not fair to OP? He doesn’t even want to take it turns.

Your way of doing things makes OP doormat.[/quote]
But op hasn't said to her husband that he needs to get up sort the children out if he's taking them to school. She's just said that she's taking them and if he wants to tag along then he can but she'll be going regardless. Why not do as another poster said and tell him great, you take them tomorrow, I'm having a lie in and then see what happens? If he doesn't get up then op has her answer and she just carries on but personally I think it's ridiculous to tell him that he isn't allowed to take them because she wants to.

@Bishpish

Please don't worry about me, I'm fine. I should be used to it by now, everytime I say something he doesn't like he threatens to leave.

I'm just devastated because I feel used. The past 6 months we have had an amazing family time. First day back in the normal routine and he wants to shove me out of the way. I knew it was going to happen, I don't know why I bother saying anything. I just feel stupid.

Why are you allowing him to treat you that way though? What are you afraid of? That he leaves? So you're going to give him the power to hold you over a barrel for the rest of your life? what way is that to live?

If ‘he has done nothing to help’ for 6 months, in what way have you had an ‘amazing family time’ together? You can speak to women’s aid and they can help you. As you are married you are entitled to money from your husband. If, as a stay at home mum, you have no access to money, then he is also abusing you financially, to keep you stuck - or keep you BELIEVING you are stuck. If you can’t access a solicitor yet please try women’s aid for advice and support. You’re near as damn it a single parent at the moment anyway.

But op hasn't said to her husband that he needs to get up sort the children out if he's taking them to school.

He's an adult, supposedly capable of thinking. OP shouldn't have to say, she's not his mum.

@MulticolourMophead

But op hasn't said to her husband that he needs to get up sort the children out if he's taking them to school.

He's an adult, supposedly capable of thinking. OP shouldn't have to say, she's not his mum.

That wasn't what I meant.

She has said that he can't take the DC alone and other posters have said she's entitled to say that given that she is getting them ready.

My point was, that rather than say he can't take them why isn't she saying "fine if you want to take them get them ready"? Why solely object to him taking them, rather than address his laziness?

Do you have any experience of working with women who are being coercively controlled @EDSGFC? If you don't then you probably can't understand what the problem is. This poster needs support and encouragement to see that her partner is not being fair or reasonable. Pretending that if she could only find the right words to say it would change his behaviour is not kind or helpful of you. There are no magic words or phrases that will help this man to understand how his behaviour is abusive because he doesn't care. He will continue to dominate the household even while he is lying in bed listening to the sounds of his children being fed, washed and dressed. He KNOWS that that takes work, he can hear it happening.

@growinggreyer

Do you have any experience of working with women who are being coercively controlled *@EDSGFC*? If you don't then you probably can't understand what the problem is. This poster needs support and encouragement to see that her partner is not being fair or reasonable. Pretending that if she could only find the right words to say it would change his behaviour is not kind or helpful of you. There are no magic words or phrases that will help this man to understand how his behaviour is abusive because he doesn't care. He will continue to dominate the household even while he is lying in bed listening to the sounds of his children being fed, washed and dressed. He KNOWS that that takes work, he can hear it happening.

This.

This is what I was trying to find the words to say. I suspect OP could talk to her DH until she's blue in the face and it will achieve nothing. He knows it all takes work. He simply doesn't want to do it.

What a miserable life.
You know your children will be seeing what he’s doing to you?
You’ll all be so much happier away from him. Life can be good again!

ZOMBIE THREAD

🙄🙄 why don't MNHQ lock these??