DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

[SofaSurfette]

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work

The friend was being horrid. DH was being naive. I don’t really see the problem of resting watching a film whilst keeping an eye babies / inbetween active care.

If it is bothering you that much maybe get DH to add/edit the comment saying we'll that didn't go to plan... Any parent knows that whilst you might plan to do nothing but watch movies that really doesn't happen... Your friend doesn't have a very high opinion of your DH do they?

The 'friend' was a dick. It was none of their business. Sounds like your dh was just being naive. He obviously had no intention of actually neglecting the babies if the dvd marathon never happened. I'd have only been annoyed if I came home to neglected babies and a husband happy that he'd reached season 3 episode 10 or something.

Your friend is in the wrong. As long as the twins needs are being met, there’s nothing wrong with watching DVD’s.
As you’ve mentioned it didn’t happen anyway !

I watched tons of tv when each of my babies were small. They regulalry fed, and we made the living room baby safe so when they slept/fed/cuddled hell yes I had tv on (the whole of ugly betty for one baby.)

I didn't once they were toddlers it was more like the odd episode of peppa pig!

Your DH found out for himself so it didn’t really matter how he went in thinking the day would go. Obviously he wasn’t trying to be neglectful he just thought it would be more chill than it was.
The friend is totally rude and would be getting an earful from me.

Mountain out of a molehill. DH learnt through experience that his expectation of chilling out all day didn't pan out, so presumably doesn't need to be told off about it. Would be different if he actually say there neglecting the kids all day long while watching superhero films.

Judgey sanctimonious friend on FB needs to do one. Do they actually have kids?

The friend not your DH is in the wrong.

Most people would read that post and really know what was going on.

The biggest problem here is this obsession with posting every mundane detail of life on Facebook! Nothing wrong with a sofa and TV day while you cuddle the babies....if the babies will let you get away with that...!!
Your “friend” is a sanctimonious prick.

Your friend is definitely in the wrong pretty much all I did in the first few months was feed and hold baby on the couch watching tele! He didn’t do much else, but wanted to be held should I have held him in silence obviously I fed/changed nappies etc and went out too but there’s nothing wrong with a tv day!

Call out 'friend' on FB, laugh with your newly educated husband and actually no one was judging you so time to channel Elsa

YABU. If you were actually annoyed about it and thought it was bad parenting you should have discussed it with your DH when he said he was going to do it, not only after someone else was rude about it. Bit more importantly, the person you should be annoyed at is your incredible rude and intrusive friend who waded in on something that absolutely didn’t concern them and was so judgmental and unpleasant.

I think you’re all in the wrong tbh, the friend was rude to put that comment, your husband was silly to think he could have a dvd day whilst watching twins and you’re unreasonable to think it’s bad parenting to have a dvd playing in the background. I think your husband is the least guilty in this situation tho.

Childless friend was it?

The friend has made an idiot of themselves

Who comments that someones being neglectful on SM anyway, everyone knows its mostly bs. What a wanker

And regardless if the babies are cared for then theres nothing wrong with watching dvds. How much dvd youd get to watch is another story but absolutely nothing wrong with trying, or having it on in the background

The friend is a knob. There is absolutely nothing wrong with watching some DVD’s while playing with 6 month olds (I assume they napped for at least a couple of hours). Friend was a dick to comment.

The friend needs to wind their neck in! Non of their business.

The friend is a twat but your DH is misguided. Might be biased because I don’t use Facebook but DP does, and I don’t really like it when he posts pictures that look like he’s being lazy, or if the house looks a mess... like when DS was about 4 months and had started ‘holding’ his bottle during feeds. I can understand why you didn’t feel comfortable with it, but arguing on Facebook never ends well so draw a line under it, tell the friend to butt out, and keep calm

@D4rwin

Childless friend was it?

I was going to ask this too.

I'd struggle to forgive that friend tbh.

Your dH did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with watching TV all day on the odd occasion when looing after babies. If he was drinking or getting high, air enough.
Your friend was being a dick and you have been punishing your husband for it.

It's pretty rude of the friend to publicly try and shame your dh. I love the naivety of your dh though! Because there's an undertone that suggests that's what you can do all day, and that's what would piss me off. Not realising how demanding and exhausting and boring staying home with small babies can be, not realising that while youre minding the babies, you're also loading the washing machine and planning dinner and whatever else it is that eats up all those long, lonely hours at home.

You should go out more often!

I don’t understand why you are angry with your DH, I don’t go onto Facebook anymore but people often post about what they are up to and surely parents sometimes watch a DVD.

Your friend was incredibly rude and I would be annoyed with them.

Friend is a dick. DH is naive. Chuckling at the idea of chilling all day in front of the tv while caring for baby twins!

I watched tv quite a lot with my first, as I kept getting poorly! Stuck bbc1 on all day and left it on as I literally didn't have the energy to change it. We had no family help at all and DH was working, so all my energy was spent on getting better and caring for the baby.

I also let my toddler watch movies when I was pregnant with dc2. Not all day long, but when I got too tired in the afternoons. It's one of my nicest memories of pregnancy, cuddled up, watching a disney movie. Screen time to excess is bad, but some isn't necessarily IME.

Friend is an arsehole, DH bless him. Nice idea but, you know, babies. It once took us 4 hours to watch The Descent.

Well I would unfriend the 'friend' but this is a perfect example why Facebook is a horrible place.