DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

[SofaSurfette]

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work

Of course you can watch DVD's whilst looking after babies, theres a pause on the remote and everything. Firstly you get organised so most of what you need it in the room, and if you need to make up bottles etc you use the aforementioned pause button. I'm guessing your friend doesn't have kids, you learn to multitask quickly. You can play with little ones whilst watching!

So is your DH just supposed to sit there and watch the babies without anything on the tv? I’m confused how this has even become a thing.

I was a single mum. I used to have films on in the background for company, just to hear voices. I used films rather than TV because I already knew the content (didn't want to leave the TV on and suddenly hear a small voice pipe up 'mummy, what's a triple reverse cowboy?' or whatever This Morning were covering). So films running in the background gave me the illusion of company.

Sometimes DVDs are better than TV. Not sure I'd have put it on Facebook though. I hope everyone concerned is now better educated about the situation.

This is why Facebook is shite. Full of self righteous twats that like to slag others off. Absolutely nothing wrong with having a dvd day while looking after little ones!

Your friend is judgy and I would be keeping my distance from her.

I spent a good chunk of my mat leave watching Netflix. I really don’t see the problem. I think you and your friend need to chill. Your friend was really out of order and you should of had your partners back, especially if she was publicly calling him out

She does have children, and I am on the verge of distancing myself from her. I've had lectures from her about breast feeding as well, she definitely thinks that her way of parenting is the only one that's right.

Your ‘friend’ is an utter bitch. Judgemental, rude and nasty. Don’t be “on the verge” of distancing!! Tell her to FOTTFSOF!!

As a fellow parent of twins - don't sweat it.

I did a lot of tv watching when mine were that age. Sure, I could have been hoovering and making intricate dinners, but I wasn't, I was playing with my kids, going out occasionally, and watching a lot of tv when they napped. And even if someone isn't the primary carer, they still deserve a lazy day. I hope he ordered a takeaway for dinner!

Practice "I don't really care what you think". Honestly. It'll save your sanity. Especially when they're toddlers.

Your "friend" is a dick and I would be telling her so. I binged seven seasons of Game of Thrones when DD1 was born. Babies that age are happy on their play mat with some toys chucked on it. You don't need to gaze lovingly at them 24/7.

Actually thinking more i would probably put all the things i am doing with the twins

Wish me luck taking the twins skydiving

Oh the twins love be babysat but the bloke hanging around the post office #blessed

Thinking of putting the twins on BGT for burping the alphabet

I’ve got twins, they’re 10 now so this isn’t a problem.
I’m really struggling to see the problem with popping a dvd on in the afternoon. I used to do it all the time, although I would watch the Gilmore Girls rather than a film
Obviously it’s not like watching TV pre children but it’s certainly not out there in terms of expectations.

Does your 'friend' have twins? If the answer is no, you can ignore any parenting advice she gives you.

Also Facebook is a bag of shite.

Your husbands done nothing wrong and there is no reason he can’t have DVD’s Whilst watching the twins. Your friend is not your friend, block them.

OP even if your twins do want to look at something new every five minutes, that doesn’t mean you should be on high alert all the time. Absolutely keep them entertained through the day but don’t switch it up at every grumble, sometimes just let them be

Your "friend" must have bals of steel.I don't know anyone who would dare criticise someone's parenting so openly.What a cow.

The friend is an idiot. It's not bad parenting at all, i had the tv on a lot while on mat leave but i still played with my baby, fed her, winded her etc, plenty of times she'd just lay on me anyway having a cuddle. What was i supposed to do stare at the wall?!

You all need to come off Facebook for a while.

I'm not being flippant, I'm totally serious. Social media can be toxic when you are a parent.

Also, ditch that friend. She sounds like a dick. You don't need friends who judge your parenting and lecture you. He was watching DVDs with his 6 month old twins, for fuck's sake, not taking his 12 year old to a whore house for his first shag. If she has something to say about such an innocuous thing as this then she is going to be an absolute nightmare once the kids are old enough to actually do stuff. Life is too short to spend with arseholes like that. Ditch her.

I agree with pp, I would distance myself from the friend in question. Their behaviour is incredibly rude and judgmental.

I'd be making a sharp comment back and then unfriending! How judgemental?!

Has anyone piled on yet to say that you should be "grateful" to your dh for "helping" you by "babysitting" his own kids for the first time in 6 months?

Your friend should keep out of making stupid and inflammatory comments on fb. Your dh was naive, but ultimately he was looking after his own children, he wasn’t going to ignore them whilst staring mindlessly at the tv, was he? Very minor issue, IMO.

how nice of him to have his own children

anyway your friend is a dick its obvious it wasnt going to happen-not a marathon anyway unless its just one in the background

Bit puzzled and hurt at people thinking it was someone who couldn’t have children posting. I am childless but would never have thought that. I assumed it must be a fellow judgemental parent. I don’t think someone without kids (whether childfree or childless) would give a stuff to be honest!
Completely irrelevant anyway - whether your friends has a million children or none, YANBU and she needs to wind her neck in. As if your husband would have carried on watching DVDs when one of the babies needed his attention!

Some parents are a bit too "laid back" for my taste (= borderline neglectful), but joyless zealots who believe parenting must be a form of martyrdom are quite worse (and sometimes eventually a bit abusive towards their own kids, in term of what they expect of them, what they allow them to do, eat, etc.)

Your DH sounds fine, and your "friend" sounds like a prick.

You should be embarrassed by your friends behaviour not your husbands post.

I would definitely distance yourself from friend. You don't need judgement or public criticism that is not a friend worth having.