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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

206 replies

SofaSurfette · 29/08/2020 09:03

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves Grin

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it Hmm and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work Grin

OP posts:
Morecheeriosplease · 29/08/2020 15:09

I have 3 year old twins and I’m really confused about this post. While they’re 6 months and non mobile you should be doing everything you can to make life as easy as poss for yourself and your DH. I watched hours of box sets during nap time and loved it! Your children don’t need endless activity at 6 months old at all

BogRollBOGOF · 29/08/2020 15:14

The friend is a knob.
Especially if comparing their perfect parenting of one with surviving twins.

My babies were BFed so it was a while before I was able to leave them for extended periods. The first time DH had DS1 for the whole day, he "cheated" and visited family. I let him get on with it though. One of the next times, he'd managed to ignore DS1 who was plonked in front of the TV and clean the kitchen... and then made the mistake about getting political about it. Fine as a once off, but that is neither ideal, nor realistic as a blue print for everyday life.

I treasure the memory of coming back in after my first weekend away from DS2 (11m) and DS1 (3) DH was lying looking defeated on the lounge floor with toddlers swarming all over him.

Several years later, he is a hands-on parent who I would not have to fear being in charge for a longer period. He does get the benefit of being able to cut corners at first (e.g. nutrition) but would seriously consider those kinds of things over an extended period. Better to let them live and learn than micromanage.

Grrrpredictivetex · 29/08/2020 15:24

@SofaSurfette

Just to clarify, I'm not really annoyed at him for trying to watch DVDs, I'm annoyed at him posting about it on Facebook and now making us look bad/stupid Blush But perhaps the friend has come out of it looking more stupid, that's what I was trying to gauge on here really. It embarrassed me more than anything.

She does have children, and I am on the verge of distancing myself from her. I've had lectures from her about breast feeding as well, she definitely thinks that her way of parenting is the only one that's right.

Why does it make you look like bad parents? Surely he'd attend to the twins had they needed him. Now's the time to relax and rest in between sleeps and feeds as once they're on the move life is over as you know it 😂
TSSDNCOP · 29/08/2020 16:12

@ClementineWoolysocks I really need to know how you nicely tell someone to fuck off Grin

Quietlyloud · 29/08/2020 16:13

You add “please” at the end.

ClementineWoolysocks · 29/08/2020 16:22

[quote TSSDNCOP]@ClementineWoolysocks I really need to know how you nicely tell someone to fuck off Grin[/quote]
I quite like this, 'off is the general direction in which you should fuck. Please kindly refrain from commenting again'

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 29/08/2020 16:44

Why are you friends with this person?
Your DH made a joke on Facebook (and let's be honest...it's pretty funny to think you can watch dvds with 6mth twins) and your lovely friend accused you of being shit parents and then you argued over Facebook with this fool and your DH?
Ignore.
I used to watch movies and box sets when my baby was tiny.
Horror films. Etc.
They didn't know.
They were asleep.

Strokethefurrywall · 29/08/2020 16:57

The only one in this not being unreasonable is your husband.

And it wouldn't even matter if he did watch something gory or "inappropriate", babies don't have a clue what they're watching in the first place, because they're more concerned with toys/hands in front of them.

Your DH wasn't even out of line, I watched plenty of DVDs whilst looking after both my DS1 when he was 3 months and my friends 6 month old.

Don't be pissed off with your husband, at least he's trying. Ditch the dickhead friend.

Figgygal · 29/08/2020 17:01

You’ve been bothered by this for a week? Seriously?

CelestialSpanking · 29/08/2020 17:02

The friend wouldn’t be a friend anymore, that’s for sure. Horrible thing for them to say and utter bollocks. I wouldn’t have a go at my partner for it either.

mylittlesandwich · 29/08/2020 17:13

DS is napping on me right now, I am watching a series on Netflix. The only reason I haven't posted anything is because I don't post often on social media. Friend was a dick. DH was not.

QuestionMarkNow · 29/08/2020 17:39

Just to clarify, I'm not really annoyed at him for trying to watch DVDs, I'm annoyed at him posting about it on Facebook and now making us look bad/stupid

Thats where you got it wrong @SofaSurfette.
Whatever you dh does when he is alone looking after the babies is HIS resposnibility. It doesnt have any effect and says absolutely nothing about how good YOU are as a parent.

It sayd a lot about HIM, basically that he hadnt a clue when he postsed, clearly had never looked after his won dcs on his own before and was more than naive!
It also says that you are doing too much and dont share the load 50/50. But I doubt this is what you, your dh or the friend meant with all that Grin

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 29/08/2020 17:41

6 month old babies are dull. They're too young to play and still nap loads. I think i watched TV for the first 6 months with my twins. It's none of your idiotic friends business and your husband can post what he wants.

PCol · 29/08/2020 17:42

your friend was being a dick. watching TV whilst chilling with small babies is absolutely fine.

Original poster
SofaSurfette · 29/08/2020 18:18

There is no napping with these babies!! Especially at the same time. There's so much TV I would like to catch up on if they did...

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 30/08/2020 17:34

You sound way too bothered about what other people think of you.

Alwaystired90 · 30/08/2020 17:39

Yeah YABU. What the hell is wrong with watching dvds and looking after your children at the same time? Your friends needs to get a life 🤣

Mmpip · 30/08/2020 18:05

@TheHappyHerbivore

YABU. If you were actually annoyed about it and thought it was bad parenting you should have discussed it with your DH when he said he was going to do it, not only after someone else was rude about it. Bit more importantly, the person you should be annoyed at is your incredible rude and intrusive friend who waded in on something that absolutely didn’t concern them and was so judgmental and unpleasant.
Absolutely agree 👍 Tell them to mind their own fuckin business....
saffy2 · 30/08/2020 18:12

I don’t watch tv as a rule. Since having my youngest who is now 22m I’ve watched desperate housewives 8 seasons, the stranger 1 season, you 2 seasons, 13 reasons why 3 seasons, working moms 3 seasons (one entire season today in fact 😂) yummy mummies 2 seasons, Big Bang theory 1 season, the letdown 2 seasons, alias grace, Dawson’s creek 3 seasons, cold feet 6 seasons. And that’s just the ones I can remember. I think when babies are small most people watch a lot of tv through the day!!! Your friend was unreasonable!!!!

winniestone37 · 30/08/2020 18:20

The friend was horrible nasty and shaming. Are they a good friend? I’d delete them and ignore them if not. If they are maybe tell them how you feel making it very clear if they want to remain friends they are not to comment and judge like that again.

user1490954378 · 30/08/2020 20:37

The friend sounds judgey and self-righteous. Your husband should maybe lay off posting stuff like this on FB though, there's always someone who feels the need to make an arsey comment on there. Having some DVDs on in the background while looking after babies is fine, and does not affect anyone's ability to put their babies needs first. Actually the 'friend' sounds like maybe they don't like your husband, or both of you. It's probably jealousy tbh.

Attitude84 · 30/08/2020 21:35

I’m usually on the OPs side in these, but this time I think you’re the one BU. Nothing wrong with watching a DVD whilst keeping an eye on the kids... that’s when parents multitask isn’t it?? That’s definitely not bad parenting. The busy body friend who made the shitty comment needs to sit down and mind their own business and keep their ridiculous comments to themselves.

FelicisNox · 30/08/2020 21:48

YABVU.

  1. that is no friend. No one who has any regard for you would post things like that in regards to your parenting choices (or anything else) so you need to remove them. Period.

  2. how your DH chose to parent HIS children (so long as they are safe, happy and their needs are met) is up to him: he doesn't have to parent the way you do and if you want more cohesive parenting then split it more equally.

  3. there's nothing wrong with what he posted on FB, people do this ALL the time so he didn't show himself up at all, the problem was your friend.

  4. the way you spoke to your DH was rude and disrespectful. He is not a child so don't treat him like one.

Frankly you sound bitter because you think he has it easier than you but that's down to your own parenting style (watch DVD'S if that's what you want) and the fact you don't allow him to parent his own kids on a regular basis or split chores equally.

I see this all the time. Women chose to do 90% of everything, constantly criticise their partners for not fitting their exacting standards and then moan they have it the hardest. You reap what you sow.

It's interesting that you think your parenting style is the best just because you chose to run yourself ragged while he choses to chill out with the kids: kids don't care how dirty your house is so maybe you could learn something?

Your DH is the least at fault here and it's a rare day I say that.

Notyouraveragecliche · 31/08/2020 08:13

Oh dear, if having the TV on all day is bad parenting, then forgive me father for I have sinned.

In all seriousness, a dvd day was unlikely to last because kids never want to sit and do one thing for five minutes, let alone anything that lasts hour. Your partner did nothing wrong with posting on Facebook, your friend is just an idiot.

Ablackrussian · 31/08/2020 08:25

I'm annoyed at him posting about it on Facebook and now making us look bad/stupid

No one has the right to make you look bad or stupid, without your permission. If she was really concerned, a private message would have sufficed. But your friend did not post out of concern; she posted to sound righteous, and put you down, and it worked!

She's no friend, op, just a chancer who likes to (publicly) make others' look, and feel, small.

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