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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

206 replies

SofaSurfette · 29/08/2020 09:03

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves Grin

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it Hmm and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work Grin

OP posts:
RandomTree · 29/08/2020 09:53

The friend sounds rather smug and sanctimonious. I don't think your DH did anything wrong (either by having a DVD day or posting about it on FB), especially given that your twins are only 6m old. I would feel a bit more judgy about a parent of toddlers who kept them in all day rather than taking them outside to run about, but that doesn't really apply to babies.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 29/08/2020 09:54

Your dh didn't do anything wrong I am amazed that actual adults give a flying fig about what is said or done on Facebook. Not to mention why do you care what other people think of you. I would have done exactly the same in regards to when your dh mentioned it to you. I'd have smiled and wandered off rolling my eyes and chuckling that hes about to get a reminder of how hard it can be.

The friend I have less than no truck with , I usually find the people who judge others parenting choices are ones who define themselves solely by parenting because they have nothing else to them (not to mention there seems to be a big correlation with the same people having issues not being controlling when their DC grow up and try to get on with their lives .....if you define yourself by one thing only and that thing doesn't need you in the same way then you will have issues ) , I can't understand why you would have the slightest interest in her opinion. Let alone being remotely bothered that your dh made you look "bad" why do you care ?

Unfriendly the friend , tell her to keep her insecurities to herself and get on with your day

Quaagars · 29/08/2020 09:55

I've had lectures from her about breast feeding as well, she definitely thinks that her way of parenting is the only one that's right

Just seen this - yeah, it's the "friend" - you don't need her crap in your life, parenting can be hard enough.
Keep doing you and ignore her/keep your distance and bin her off until she can keep her judginess to herself!

GreyShadow · 29/08/2020 09:55

Bad parenting? Embarrassed? You shouldn't be angry with your DH, I think it's lovely he posted about his twins.

Don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about your parenting. Bin the friend ASAP.

disappointingdessert · 29/08/2020 09:55

On the verge of distancing?! I would've blocked her. She sounds like a complete wanker.

It's absolutely fine to have a movie day when you have kids. Does she think parents of 8 year olds never chuck on Netflix on a rainy day and watch movies with their kids? I wouldn't judge someone at all for having a day of telly. It's not like you use tv as their babysitter.

And your dh worked out pretty quickly it wasn't happening anyway (though I do wonder how he doesn't know this as he's been home on a weekend before no?). It doesn't make you look bad at all, it just made her look like a psycho. Also 6 months old could give two shits if you watch a movie while they roll around on the floor and shove toys in their mouths.

BowiesJumper · 29/08/2020 09:55

The “friend” sounds a complete dick. He’s allowed to watch DVD’s!!

CovidStoleTheRainbow · 29/08/2020 09:56

Has the friend got kids?

Is she PFB? She sounds in the throws of PFB to me.

CovidStoleTheRainbow · 29/08/2020 09:57

Or is it in the throes

PablosHoney · 29/08/2020 09:57

What a plum 😂😂

diddl · 29/08/2020 09:57

I think that your "friend" was wrong to call you both bad parents on the grounds of what your husband posted that he was going to do.

I think though if I knew it was a dad's first time of looking after the kids & he was on sm about a dvd day, then I probably would think what a twat as if that's going to happen/can he really not think of anything else to do with them?

alreadytaken · 29/08/2020 09:57

Your husband deserved to get comments along the lines of - can tell you're new to this lark, you should be so lucky. "Friend" deserves to be unfriended - but maybe a post back saying the terrible parents are those who criticise the naive.

mangocoveredlamb · 29/08/2020 09:59

I’ve not read the full thread but
a) dh missed a trick sheepishly holding his hands up and saying “ok 6mo twins are not compatible with dvds on his post”
B) your friend should have wound her neck in.

Emeraldshamrock · 29/08/2020 09:59

Your friend was horrible.
DH was excited thinking he was having a break. I'd just think aw bless he hasn't a clue. Grin

fuzzymoon · 29/08/2020 10:01

You're embarrassed about others opinions reading that status.
My reaction to that would be, laughing face, good luck doing that.
I wouldn't think you're neglecting the babies just got expectations a bit off and chuckle to myself.
Your friend is very righteous and I assume she's probably upset many others with her comments.
Don't let it eat away at you. No one else will now even remember the status or be thinking about it.

seayork2020 · 29/08/2020 10:01

If i can get away with DVD days I do so at any age, as long as children are cared for and not neglected then i dont see the issue and if dh can do it then good luck to him it is not a competition on who does more

I also dont care what people say on social media as i am a grown up but the friend sounds like a first rate plonker

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/08/2020 10:03

So called friend is a twat. However maybe don’t put status comments on bf if you don’t want cheeky remarks. But what does it matter what he wanted to watch? Genuinely. Your kids are only young, surely he can watch what he likes?

elaine26 · 29/08/2020 10:04

I must be a terrible parent then, I had the tv on most of the time when my twins were small. They are now 13 and have suffered no long term effects. As long as your babies needs are met it makes no difference whether you have the tv on or not. Your friend is a dick.

Clumsyvolcano · 29/08/2020 10:05

I don’t think it’s bad parenting at all unless he was planning to neglect their needs to watch films (which I’m sure he wouldn’t).

He was naive at best, your friend is bonkers and needs to mind their own business, and I think YABU for thinking watching films while in charge of children what constitutes bad parenting.

ChurchOfWokeApostate · 29/08/2020 10:06

Why is the friend even on Facebook? Surely taking time away from her whittling her own homegrown wooden toys for her kids 🙄

ILikeTrains · 29/08/2020 10:06

Wow, I bet you can't believe how lucky to have such a perfect 'friend'. Please take their advice and NEVER attempt to do anything that is remotely enjoyable to yourselves as parents until you dc's have grown up and left home - every single moment needs to be entirely dedicated to the children.

Bless your husbands optimism too.

WorraLiberty · 29/08/2020 10:07

I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line.

They're 6 month old babies for goodness sake. Why would an afternoon of watching some DVDs be 'bad parenting'? Confused

This is what I don't get about MN a lot of the time. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a parent chilling out in front of a TV with their child for the odd afternoon.

Yet we see thread after thread from people asking if it's 'OK' or declaring their guilt over it.

Meanwhile in the real world, parents just get on and do it if they feel like it.

Baconking · 29/08/2020 10:07

@SofaSurfette

Just to clarify, I'm not really annoyed at him for trying to watch DVDs, I'm annoyed at him posting about it on Facebook and now making us look bad/stupid Blush But perhaps the friend has come out of it looking more stupid, that's what I was trying to gauge on here really. It embarrassed me more than anything.

She does have children, and I am on the verge of distancing myself from her. I've had lectures from her about breast feeding as well, she definitely thinks that her way of parenting is the only one that's right.

You're actually being unreasonable for caring what this person or anyone else thinks. If your babies were looked after and safe that's all that matters. You should do a laughing emoji to the friends comment!
Original poster
SofaSurfette · 29/08/2020 10:07

I think I'm just a bit insecure because they're my first babies, and it's made me think that maybe we really are bad parents and I didn't realise Blush

Why do you think it's bad parenting to watch DVD's whilst looking after the kids?

I think it would be bad parenting for my two, purely because they are quite high needs and need a lot of stimulation. They are terrible at napping in the day and just want to be looking at something new every 5 minutes! If they were happy to be left to their own devices for half an hour or so, I wouldn't think it would be bad parenting to let them do that. I was probably over-generalising.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 29/08/2020 10:08

Your DH has not made you look bad or stupid. He did nothing wrong.

Pobblebonk · 29/08/2020 10:09

Don't just "distance" yourself from your 'friend', get rid. Who needs a judgmental twat like that in their lives anyway?

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