DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

[SofaSurfette]

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work

Your “friend” is a prick

What baffles me is the obsession with constantly doing things with a child, if you're not playing with them, doing activities or god forbid not taking them out daily you're a shit parent. The friend is being a sanctimonious dick and I really don't see why you're getting so wound up over a Facebook post.

Delete the "friend"

No friend of yours!

Your DH is naive for:

1. Thinking he would have a DVD day while looking after twins and

1. Posting every detail of his life on Facebook

Of the two, the second is worse than the first. Get some privacy in your lives.

Your “friend” is barking mad!

Why do you think it's bad parenting to watch DVD's whilst looking after the kids?

Neither of your options.

DH was naive and his status ripe for friendly teasing (and a humble update from him).

Your 'friend' was incredibly rude and rather nasty. (Reads like someone just waiting for a chance to put the boot in. Or, a very stressed person commenting in the moment, who would have apologised by now).

Fuck me, when my twins were 6 mo ths old I was only just beginning to feel human again as they started to get a bit more sleep, you better believe that in some days I had a dvd day!

When the twins were up I would read to them and play with them, but there were some days they were wiped and so was I so back to back movies it was!

The friend is being a dick but you're being ott to feel embarrassed at your husbands goal of a chill out day that he put on Facebook.

Your friend is an idiot. If they are childless than they have no right to even comment cos they know bugger all about having and bringing up kids. I’d unfriend. If they have children of their own, I’d still unfriend because people like this friend will always try to outdo you to prove they are better at parenting than you are. Do you really need people like them in your life?
Your DH has learned a valuable lesson for being naive.

Just to clarify, I'm not really annoyed at him for trying to watch DVDs, I'm annoyed at him posting about it on Facebook and now making us look bad/stupid
But perhaps the friend has come out of it looking more stupid, that's what I was trying to gauge on here really. It embarrassed me more than anything.

She does have children, and I am on the verge of distancing myself from her. I've had lectures from her about breast feeding as well, she definitely thinks that her way of parenting is the only one that's right.

I've had lectures from her about breast feeding as well, she definitely thinks that her way of parenting is the only one that's right.

Oh God - one of those! I’m sure it’s all borne out of insecurity at the end of the day; people who are confident in themselves and their own choices don’t need affirmation from others. Lesson learned - keep your distance....

But why do you think it makes you look bad/stupid for him to post on fb that he was planning to watch DVD's whilst looking after the kids?

What's bad about it?

Why do you care about it making you look bad? He was talking about watching DVD’s, not shooting up heroin.
To survive parenting I think you need to get a thicker skin.

@D4rwin

Childless friend was it?

Sorry but we really need to get away from the idea that people expressing silly parenting views must be childless. You can be a parent and make silly decisions and hold nonsense opinions, just as a childless person can. Similarly you can be a parent and have awesome ideas about parenting and also be childless and have the same. Yes experience teaches but it isn't an exclusive club. Pre children my ideas were the same as they are now albeit I have the experience of actually parenting. To be fair plenty of childless people have parenting experience too. Some people do change their views after kids. Some don't. It is possible to read, research, discuss with others and use common sense without birthing a child. Some parents are awful parents.

I just think its silly to suggest that anyone who expresses something silly parenting wise must not have kids.

I am only bringing it up not to specifically target you but it prompted a learning opportunity to raise the point as it can be quite offensive especially to people who parent but are technically childless or those who are struggling with unexplained infertility. It suggests that you can't know anything unless you're part of the club of having a child when that is nonsense.

When my dd was born, he slept so much that I got through the entire ASOIAF series.
Fuck that friend, none of their business if someone wants to watch a bit of fucking telly!

Your friend isn't much of a friend to call you bad parents for having the TV on. That's a kind of comment that would make me distance myself from them

Unfriend the friend - problem solved.

I remember when myself and a friend's then 15 year old daughter gave each other a knowing look when a male acquaintance of ours said he planned to do something similar with his twins. Needless to say he never did so. Oh and neither myself or the 15 year old had children at the time we were just use to baby sitting lots including much younger siblings.

His posting is fine. It's funny, in a self-deprecating way (he just didn't realise he was sending up his own naivete and inexperience when he posted).

Are you embarrassed at his making public the fact that in six months, he's never looked after the DC before?

Each to their own, parenting and time-off wise but that's the only fact he's let slip here.

Stand up for your dh fgs it was just an attempt at humour that misfired!.

Defriend the friend

Your DH was just optimistic. Also I don't think the content of the films is that relevant at 6 months old

DVD? Facebook status?

Did this whole saga occur ten years ago?

I had the tv on permanently with dd1 in her first year for my benefit - usually binge watching friends in the background for sanity. Dd is 13 and a high achiever so I don’t think she’s massively affected her. One day of not singing nursery rhymes is completely fine. Friend has embarrassed themselves, dh is fine to watch dvds - I’d be jealous as I never managed that with twins but I also had a toddler by that stage so a bit different.

I would assume friend was just joking, and not to take it personally.
A bit of jesting never translates very well on SM.

I don't think most people would care either way to be honest, and stressing about it for a week maybe a slight overreaction.

Let it go and ask dh to be more mindful about privacy on SM going forward

Your "friend" is a dick.

So what if you watch dvds?
It's not the end of the bloody world FGS.

The person who commented is an arse. I'd block them from my life no problem.
You shouldn't have had a go at your husband for posting the update. He did nothing wrong. You're kids were cared for, loved, safe. You may have different parenting styles but that's because you're not the same person.