DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

[SofaSurfette]

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work

By the way, this made me laugh.

In my experience high needs babies is usually high needs parent who either believes that something needs to happen 247 or is totally unrealistic about parenting.

In my experience, the people most likely to say this would be the ones who had the placid, easygoing babies who were happy gazing round the room watching what's going on & taking everything in. I didn't know they existed but apparently they do as I've seen them with friends at parties etc. Had you not considered that babies are all different, and have different temperaments? Just like adults? My first was fairly easygoing and wasn't particularly clingy but did seem to get bored quickly so he did take quite a lot of mental stimulation and interaction. My second was clingy, whingey, generally unhappy at life till he went to school really (he's still temperamental as a teen and my first is still laidback as a 16 year old and who never gives us any trouble. Oh, and he still craves learning about new things).

They are all different, you know.

Don't see the issue now and then, as long as they're changed when needed, fed, safe, and not being left to cry etc then watching telly at that age isnt an issue as long as it's not all day every day imo.

When my two were six months they had loads of time on the playmat we went for a nice walk in the buggy everyday and I watched a lots of tv! Was probably the easiest time with them, they used to sleep 6-6 and I didn’t know what to do with myself..... wait til yours are 3 OP 😂 his status on fb will change.

Your ‘friend’ sounds vile! YABU, what’s wrong with a DVD day, especially at that age? As long as the babies’ needs were being met and they weren’t neglected (which of course they weren’t, based on what you have said). If they were older then maybe it would be a different story but regardless your friend was bang out of order to criticise your parenting. I can’t stand people like this. Does she even have children?!

I watched loads of TV when the DC's were tiny and latched on/cluster feeding/refusing to sleep without being held. Do good parents just stare at a wall?

In my experience, the people most likely to say this would be the ones who had the placid, easygoing babies who were happy gazing round the room watching what's going on & taking everything in.

I have one of these and I can say with absolute certainty that it is because she is naturally an easy going baby. I did veer towards the attachment end of the parenting spectrum when she was very small, but so did at least 50% of my friends and our babies have a wide range of temperaments and ability to entertain themselves. I have always gone to her when she asks for me, but it's just not in her nature to ask as often as some babies do. They're just people and different people behave differently.

Your DH is naive and your friend is an arse.

Though it's good for babies to learn to entertain themselves for a bit. When DS was little, I'd often leave him on his playmat or later on in the playpen with some toys while watching TV in the other room (though always with the door open and him in view). Not for hours on end but for a little bit so long as he was happy and content. I wouldn't judge anyone for doing the same.

I had four babies in less than five years and I watched a LOT of TV. Had it on in the background. The friend sounds like a hateful prat with something to prove.

Goodness me, I spent the first 6 months of my DS’s life on the sofa watching films and box sets while he napped and fed. It’s what maternity leave is for, and you need to make the most of it before the tv gets taken over by CBeebies 24/7!

Your friend is an absolute dick and I’d be telling her to fuck off. I bet everyone on Facebook who saw that post thinks your friend is a complete dick too.

6 - MONTH - OLD - TWINS!!!!

Your friend can F off.

your friend needs to get herself in check. In fact there are very few of us who know what twins at 6 months are like to handle. If she has kids, he obviously irked her with his blasé DVD day comment with 2 x 6 month olds. If she doesn't have kids, she is being a complete ass. Either way she was well out of line.

What's wrong with watching dvd while looking after 6 months olds? I don't see it as bad parenting at all.

Just to clarify, I'm not really annoyed at him for trying to watch DVDs, I'm annoyed at him posting about it on Facebook and now making us look bad/stupid blush. But perhaps the friend has come out of it looking more stupid, that's what I was trying to gauge on here really. It embarrassed me more than anything.

I think the majority of people reading it will have thought your ‘friend’ was an idiot, and wouldn’t have judged your DH, other than maybe a bit of a smile that perhaps he might be in for a shock! Absolutely nothing wrong with the occasional DVD day with any age child in my opinion, if you can manage it! And like other posters I got through endless boxsets when DD was a few months old, wouldn’t have got away with it at 6 months but still watched a fair bit of TV as she would only sleep on me for ages.

This person wouldn’t be a friend of mine for long to be honest!

Thinking back, I once watched an entire series about Spanish history - in Spanish - while my kids were small. I don’t speak a word of Spanish. I read the subtitles over their heads while pretending to watch them be ballerinas for hours on end. Everyone was happy. Your friend would have blown a gasket 😂.

(Thinking about it, it actually paid off in the long term as my DD is now very interested in history and knows far, far more than I do in general. Except about Spain 🤣. So I now manage to score some brownie points....)

Nasty friend, cleary adding nothing to your life.

Nothing wrong with having a lazy couple hours if you can.
Whose business is it anyway?

Twins are so full on. Sounds like you are doing so well.
Mind yourself

Your “friend” was very judgemental. Don’t let he/she use up your precious time.

I regularly watch DVDs with my children; I also make sure that they are happy, entertained, fed, cleaned, attended too and have all their needs met - to be honest when my youngest was 6 months watching a DVD was about as productive as my day got sometimes because she was (and still is) incredibly clingy. It isn't really a 'DVD day' in the sense that you can sit and watch a full film without any distractions and totally relax of course, but there is nothing wrong with watching a DVD whilst also taking care of babies? I'm really not sure what the 'friend' had a problem with - or why you would be embarrassed by your husbands status. It was a bit naive if he thought he would be doing nothing but watching DVDs but he clearly realised it wasn't going to happen.

Don't understand why the comment is making you feel this way. Yes that friend is entitled to their opinion. Its a nehat8view in a situ they know nothing about. Fgs let it go. Don't compare yourself to others. If your not happy with the parenting style of your oh then leave him so he can be appreciated by someone who doesn't take the word of a complete idiot

Your friend is wrong and you are wrong. Get those dvd days in now while you can. This is the glory days. When they are walking/talking any plans you want for the day are F’d and it all becomes about them all of the time. You’ll be watching frozen/paw patrol/marvel on repeat. You will spend years brain dead from watching the same shit over and over so if you can do it now while they amuse themselves shoving pasta into their mouths/chucking things at walls then DO IT. This isn’t a “perfect parent” competition it’s survival, especially with twins. Oh and if you don’t back off your DH he won’t watch them again while you go out for a jolly so bear that in mind. Your friend is nothing. Is your friend babysitting? No. Didn’t think so. Next time anyone says ANYTHING then you say “keep your nose out unless you’re offering to have them every weekend for the next year? Are you?” Keep your bread buttered where it matters. Keep that DH sweet so you can get out. If he wants DVD marathons then cool. Just wait until they’re big enough to want to play Fortnite/minecraft for hours. That’s when your real problems start.

Your friend is one of 'those' people. Tell her to fuck right off but in a nice way then unfriend her.

I’m now thinking back to those lovely easy 6 month old days when I could binge watch what I wanted to on Netflix while sat in PJs...sigh. Enjoy your tv control while you have it OP

I often see people posting statuses about DVD days when they have kids. I certainly have never thought well they are going to sit down all day ignoring their children and neglecting their needs.

Your dh didn't do anything wrong...so I think you owe him an apology.

I think the biggest issue here is posting a Fb status? I haven’t done that since maybe 2010!?

Your friend needs unfriending they are obviously a dick. Nothing wrong with a dvd day bloody obvious you cannot watch much with 2 6 month olds but it can be on in the background.

Agree your partners odd for posting he's having a dvd day though 😂 I went abroad, glamping and a weekend in london lately and didn't post anything about any of it. People must think I dont do anything ever but i don't care I know I do more than them as they post their whole lives 😂