DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

[SofaSurfette]

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work

Your friend is a dick and, to be frank, so are you. It is not bad parenting to want to watch some tv whilst you look after the kids all day. You even admit the dvd marathon didn’t happen yet you still think his plans constitute bad parenting? He obviously prioritised the babies hence it not happening. Jesus. You and your friend need to give your heads a wobble.

I am having a DVD day today and ignoring my 11 year old and 8 year old (clearly).

The friend is being a dick and should be called on it. Your DH is entitled to have a relax at the weekend while suoerviisng the babies if it works.

@SofaSurfette

I think I'm just a bit insecure because they're my first babies, and it's made me think that maybe we really are bad parents and I didn't realise

Why do you think it's bad parenting to watch DVD's whilst looking after the kids?

I think it would be bad parenting for my two, purely because they are quite high needs and need a lot of stimulation. They are terrible at napping in the day and just want to be looking at something new every 5 minutes! If they were happy to be left to their own devices for half an hour or so, I wouldn't think it would be bad parenting to let them do that. I was probably over-generalising.

To be honest, leaving them to their own devices a bit more and not feeling like you have to stimulate them constantly would probably be a good thing!

You’re a parent not a party entertainer

Chill out a bit, watch some TV or read a magazine if you want - obviously meet their needs but also give them an opportunity to entertain themselves even if they grumble about it.

Intensive parenting really isn’t a good thing for parents OR children.

also can I say that if your DH watches DVDs the way mine does the kids would be fine - slight pet hate of mine he puts some rubbish on and is quite happy to wander off to the kitchen, the loo, to water his plants and leave it running. It doesn't seem to bother him that he has missed up to 15 minutes of the plot.
Which rather bolsters my argument that whatever sci fi nerdfest he is watching can't be that good...but the kids would have been fine.

Iplayer had just started when DD1 was a baby. Kept me sane during the long BFing sessions.

Your 'friend' was either making a bad joke or is a bitch. Your DH was naïve but you dealt with it the right way. Don't worry about FB, everyone there will think the same as MN.

There have been many time me and my husband have had a day in front of the TV whilst the kids played and watched as well. We don't get much TV time as the kids always watch it lol. Your friend had no right to comment what went on in your house..

Mother of 8 month old twins here. My reply to his status would have been
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Good luck 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Which is really the response it requires unless you genuinely think he's going to shove screaming children in another room so he can see the end of the movie.

He hasn't made you look bad, just maybe highlighted he doesn't watch them alone much

A perfectly unfortunate combination of an OP who cares far too much about what other people think and a 'friend' who thinks far too much about triviliaties other people post (thus proving OP's irrational fear true!).

Just to add, don't give in to their need to do something new every 5 mins, it's actually better to let them be bored and whiney and find their own interests - set them up in a safe area and let them get on with it. I bitterly, bitterly regret constantly entertaining one of my DC who is now whiney and won't ever give me a break. The other one who got left to their own devices all the time as a baby (DC2) is better at entertaining themselves and also has a much better attention span.

I watched the whole of Friends and the whole of the Great British Bake Off (all seasons) on maternity leave. Your friend is an idiot.

When my son was 6 month old, all I did was watch TV, with my boobs out for easy access. He was really boring until he started doing stuff at around 7-8 month.

Of course I played with him, but not 24/7, and when I did, the TV may or may not have been on. I don't think your husband was silly for having an idea about what the day would be like, but he obviously got a kick in the bum when reality hit him.

Your friend is a total asshole though. Shaming parents who are doing their best isn't on.

@nancyclancy123

Your friend is in the wrong. As long as the twins needs are being met, there’s nothing wrong with watching DVD’s. As you’ve mentioned it didn’t happen anyway !

THIS ^

As several have said - this was an ambition and he didn't achieve it.

Very few of us do achieve anything we think we will when we're looking after babies, whether it's clearing out cupboards or watching DVDs.

Unless your DH locked the babies in the coalhouse, so he could watch telly it's none of the friends business.

@leolion1

What baffles me is the obsession with constantly doing things with a child, if you're not playing with them, doing activities or god forbid not taking them out daily you're a shit parent. The friend is being a sanctimonious dick and I really don't see why you're getting so wound up over a Facebook post.

I agree

Back in the day I used to (shock, horror) read whilst with my DC.

They survived.

Friend was a dick.

I try not to watch TV when I am with my baby personally but I often have Netflix on in the background with the screen off, or podcasts or whatever.

I couldn't care less if someone puts the TV on and watches it with their baby though.

Firstly it's not 'bad parenting'....please get a grip. If a parent can watch a few films while looking after babies then go right ahead.

Your friend is literally a complete and utter twat and should no longer be a friend if they think they can judge another friend like that.

End of, move on and don't even be remotely annoyed at your DH for putting that up. If my DH did that I'd think nothing of it other than a sarcastic 'good luck'.

Also this is why, beyond vague "he's fine"ing, I don't discuss anything with my friends about my child.

Way too much judgment and comparison. I had a friend nagging me about breastfeeding and how BOOOOONDING it is when my baby was barely a day old.

I fucking hate the word and concept of bonding by now. He is my child. I love him. I don't need to sit naked in a pool of lentils to feel bonded to him. (I know it's not always easy so don't @ me, I'm just sick of being made to feel like a shit mother because I don't do all the hippy crunchy shit)

Your friend is a judgemental dick. Why would they put something so nasty? Would they say that to your face or only on Facebook?

A DVD day is fine (although unrealistic) kids don’t need to be constantly doing something or on day trips all the time.

I think you're being unfair on your DH to police what he says on social media, to the extent that you are still annoyed with him a week later. Relax into your own parenting style, and stop trying to control how you as a couple appear to outsiders. There's always the potential to be judged, you can't live your life around that.

Honestly I don’t really see the issue if as a one off whilst you’re out he uses the TV as a crutch to keep them busy. Firstly it will be short lived anyway and secondly it’s a one off and you get to go out and enjoy yourself it’s not their everyday.

Your friend sounds horrid. Perhaps in hindsight your DH shouldn’t have facebooked it but he was just trying to be excited about having a daddy chilled aftermoon with the babies.

Life’s to short to sweat these small things. Be straight with your friend she’s outta line and give DH a break. He looked after the babies and you got to go out and have a well deserved break. Life’s not that bad.

What baffles me is the obsession with constantly doing things with a child, if you're not playing with them, doing activities or god forbid not taking them out daily you're a shit parent

Absolutely spot on. I feel the same way. And I day this as a stay at home mum who spends pretty much all of my time with the kids (they are all preschool age). I think it's a very new thing. I actually think it's really not good for children to be constantly entertained and doted on. Obviously their needs must be met and it's great to spend quality time with them, but if they aren't able to please themselves for an hour here or there at any point by playing or reading etc then that's worrying. They need some time to become their own people, and it's healthy for them to understand that the entire world does not revolve around them and sometimes things can be a bit boring.

They are 6 months old and probably aren’t even mobile, why can’t he watch some dvds? I bet the person commenting started taking their kids to baby sensory at 3 days old thinking the baby actually gained something from sleeping through the £10 class. That or they don’t even have kids!

Friend sounds like a prat, your husbands day sounds like a lovely chilled day.

Don’t be mad at you DH, cut your friend out.

Your so called friend is an arsehole. Your DH was over optimistic. You are just over reacting because you had your pfb twins 6 months ago and that's understandable because you're tired and you still care what other people think. There will probably come a time, not too far away, you will stick the babies in front of the TV for a DVD marathon just so you can actually get something done. It's fine. Most of us have done it.

I have 2.5 year old twins. At 6 months they didn't play with anything still so of course I would watch TV most of the day while they slept. Once they're older you'll never get a chance so enjoy it while you can.

Relax, 6 month olds won't be harmed by the TV. I think you owe your husband an apology and remind your friend to butt out.

You’re bringing up twin babies - if you can squeeze in a DVD I salute you!

Your friend is a twerp.