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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's "DVD day" whilst looking after our baby twins

206 replies

SofaSurfette · 29/08/2020 09:03

Last weekend I went out for the afternoon for the first time since having twins 6 months ago. DH said he was going to have a "DVD day" whilst looking after the babies. I just chuckled to myself, and thought I'd let him work out for himself what an afternoon looking after two 6 month olds actually involves Grin

Anyway, for some reason he posted a Facebook status about it Hmm and one of our friends made a really nasty comment basically saying what terrible parents we must be, having the TV on all day and "ignoring" the babies. This led to a bit of an argument between me and DH. I was pretty embarrassed that he'd put the status, especially when a DVD day is the last thing I'd be doing if I was in charge of them. I do think it's bad parenting. But on the other hand I also think the friend was way out of line. DH says that of course the babies' needs come first and, needless to say, his DVD marathon did not happen anyway. The DVDs he tried to watch were nothing gory/violent/inappropriate.

A week later I still feel really annoyed at both DH and the friend.

YANBU - Friend was right and DH was being a terrible parent
YABU - DH is right and attempting a DVD day at the weekend is ok

On the plus side, DH now knows I don't sit around watching TV all day while he's at work Grin

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 29/08/2020 11:21

I cannot see anything wrong with planning to watch DVD's whilst taking care of 6 month old babies. I assume they'd already had their maths and mandarin lessons for that day, and that he would've paused to feed or change them?

The friend is a silly twat that should be given precisely zero headspace.

pilates · 29/08/2020 11:23

Ditch the friend
I’m sure it was a tongue in cheek comment

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 29/08/2020 11:25

Fgs your friend was being a judgemental twat.

We regularly have pj and dvd days here and have done since the kids were tiny as long as they are fed and cared for whats the problem? Its not an everyday thing and everyone needs a down day.

Sindragosan · 29/08/2020 11:27

I watched every season of the west wing while trapped under a baby napping. Even when they're a bit bigger, they can roll around on the floor and you can clean/cook/watch TV. Once they're walking and napping less tv/books happens, so enjoy while you can.

category12 · 29/08/2020 11:31

Meh, your FB friend just said what you'd have thought if he'd succeeded.

GammyLeg · 29/08/2020 11:36

@Sindragosan

I watched every season of the west wing while trapped under a baby napping. Even when they're a bit bigger, they can roll around on the floor and you can clean/cook/watch TV. Once they're walking and napping less tv/books happens, so enjoy while you can.
I watched every season of Desperate Housewives!

Despite this (or maybe because of this?), my children became well rounded individuals.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 29/08/2020 11:37

YABU - are parents supposed to sit watching 6 month old babies/watching the video link trained on a 6 month old baby at all times?

vanillandhoney · 29/08/2020 12:01

I don't get why you're mad at your DH. There's nothing wrong with watching DVD's while you have your children. Or do you think they need 24/7 entertainment and cannot be left for a second?

Your friend is a dick but you need to apologise to your DH.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2020 12:01

@CallmeAngelina

Has anyone piled on yet to say that you should be "grateful" to your dh for "helping" you by "babysitting" his own kids for the first time in 6 months?
No, it’s not a very long thread, you could have read it yourself..Hmm
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 29/08/2020 12:01

Your so-called friend is a twat. Get rid of her. Your DH did nothing wrong, it's not bad parenting. Honestly, learn how to detach and not give a fuck about meddlesome, judgemental, negative, unsupportive gits in your life and it goes so much better.

ddl1 · 29/08/2020 12:02

I'd be really cross with the friend, not your dh. Your dh was perhaps a bit naive, both in thinking that two 6-month-olds might give him peace for long enough to watch DVDs and for posting too much info on Facebook. But none of this is a serious crime, or makes him a terrible parent! The friend is a rude, judgemental dick.

upsidedownwavylegs · 29/08/2020 12:05

@Prufrocks

DVD? Facebook status?

Did this whole saga occur ten years ago?

Grin
TSSDNCOP · 29/08/2020 12:06

@Sindragosan I did exactly that.

I do have a child that loves nothing more than a US political drama though, we have done the WW, Designated Survivor and Madame Secretary.

They had to give a speech at school and agonised over whether to channel Jed Bartlet or Tom Kirkland.

Grin
Pesimistic · 29/08/2020 12:07

Ah I think your DH did nothing wrong he thought it would be an easy day having two babies to look after so he could watch his DVDs and made a light hearted post about on facebook, quite comical realy the level of his naivety about it but harmless. friend was out of line,and pretty presumptuous I'd block and delete friend.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/08/2020 12:15

I have 2.5 year old twins. At 6 months they didn't play with anything still so of course I would watch TV most of the day while they slept. Once they're older you'll never get a chance so enjoy it while you can.

I’m very jealous, DD is 5 months and wants a lot of entertaining already. And

ShirleyPhallus · 29/08/2020 12:16

.... what are these daytime sleeps you speak of?!

Nellylou · 29/08/2020 12:17

Feel sorry for your husband when he clearly hasn't done anything wrong here.. how is this bad parenting when the twins needs were being met? He was hoping to chill a little as I can imagine two babies are much harder than one to look after.. your friend was way out of order and should mind their business.. as others have said I would remove them as that's judgemental and not needed.. if you feel embarrassed over your husbands post then you shouldn't be on there..

Lazypuppy · 29/08/2020 12:19

OP your kids do not need to be stimulated 24/7. They need to learn how to entertain themselves, play with toys themselves and learn they can't always have your full attention.

I easily had 'dvd days' when dd was 6 months, and we still do. She is 2.5yo and we have watched 2 films already today. We talk through the film about what is happening, and she is picking up the songs and the story.

IntermittentParps · 29/08/2020 12:20

I don't think you should be mad at your DH for putting it on SM; just be mad at the 'friend', who is a tit.

justilou1 · 29/08/2020 12:23

I survived the newborn twin stage (they’re 14 now) and if you can stay awake for an entire dvd while they nap, you’re a better woman than me. Your friend was a dick. Your husband was also a dick for processing his thoughts on social media before the fact too....

D4rwin · 29/08/2020 12:39

09:47Newmumatlast

I am not asking for learning points. Just speaking from my experiences, that's all I can do. Obviously you have never had anyone belittle you online.

D4rwin · 29/08/2020 12:40

And thus think that makes someone else's experience ingenuous.

SoloMummy · 29/08/2020 12:46

@SofaSurfette

I think I'm just a bit insecure because they're my first babies, and it's made me think that maybe we really are bad parents and I didn't realise Blush

Why do you think it's bad parenting to watch DVD's whilst looking after the kids?

I think it would be bad parenting for my two, purely because they are quite high needs and need a lot of stimulation. They are terrible at napping in the day and just want to be looking at something new every 5 minutes! If they were happy to be left to their own devices for half an hour or so, I wouldn't think it would be bad parenting to let them do that. I was probably over-generalising.

In my experience high needs babies is usually high needs parent who either believes that something needs to happen 247 or is totally unrealistic about parenting. It sounds as though actually you're husband is more in touch with reality here. If you don't like the Comments on social media, delete the account. Besides surely with such high needs babies you'd have no time to use.... 😜
Quietlyloud · 29/08/2020 12:48

Bit daft to be mad at your husband. I cannot see why you would be. Unless you’re one of those Facebook show mums.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/08/2020 12:51

The friend is a sanctionious dick. I've unfollowed people on FB simply for posting preachy parenting stuff to do with their own kids, never mind about others' kids. If someone I knew posted they were going to have a DVD afternoon while looking after their 6 month old twins I'd think they were either joking or very naiive and would soon realise it wasn't going to happen.

FB really does bring out the differences in people. I have no idea why people want to collect "friends". They aren't actually real friends in most cases, so I genuinely don't understand. Just really pare down your friends list so that they are real friends who get you.