Reported to Housing Association

[GrumpyOldFart]

Moved into a block of Housing Association flats around a year ago due to disability requirements. We have a neighbour on the same floor who at the time said she sees everything and knows everything.

Her attitude changed earlier this year when she claimed there was an unpleasant smell from our flat (we have diffusers in the living room and hallway, and also an odour neutraliser in the kitchen and hallway. We hoover/sweep bi-daily and mop kitchen once a week.

She grabbed me a couple of months ago to tell me she had reported us to the HA for the smell, and because we don't answer the door to deliveries and dislikes the knocking on the door (I am predominantly bed-bound and have erratic sleep patterns due to disability and DP doesn't answer the door because of medical conditions).

Now the neighbour has started banging on the windows whilst calling my name and telling me there's a parcel by the door, that my partner isn't living here, that my car alarm was going off.

Except my partner IS very much living here, and my car alarm 110% wasn't going off (DP was in the front room and would have heard it. The alarm is also disabled between certain hours, including when she claimed it was going off). These incidents have been reported also. She also reported me to Social Services for "needing help".

I'd tell her to piss off but this would just antagonise the situation but it's getting truly ridiculous. I could complain about her to the HA, but she would obviously know it was me.

Any ideas would be great...

AIBU/AINBU to tell her to piss off/report her.

It sounds like she is bullying and harrassing you because you are disabled. The things she is saying are to force you to get out of your bed physically and to cause you distress. Record everything, particularly in case it escalates. I would report it to the HA and the police now and let them see/listen to the videos/recordings. It is not acceptable behaviour. I know you are scared but it doesn't sound like it will get better on its own and you have the right to enjoy your home in peace. If she then comes back after you have reported it record it again. Action has to be taken because it is a hate crime.

Very much depends on what the smell is.

Sounds like she has serious issues herself. I don’t know anyone who would bang on windows and be bothered about a neighbours parcel. If the housing association haven’t been in contact with you then I presume they know her and are not taking anything she says seriously.

I would be polite don’t engage and keep a log of incidents then after a month contact housing association and to speak to someone who manages anti social behaviour. Sadly though if she has mental health issues that give low level harassment then it’s not likely they can do much apart from warn her.

Don’t tell her to piss off. You’re quite right, that would just make things worse.

I don’t see that it matters if she knows that you reported her to the HA. You know that she reported you.

Was there any follow up from the HA or social services after her reports?

With regard to the smell, the fact that you are using diffusers and an odour neutraliser does suggest that there is a smell that you are trying to cover up. Do you know where it’s coming from? Is it something that the HA ought to be fixing e.g. damp or drainage?

What smell is bothering her? It is actually the chemical smell of the air fresheners? They actually set my asthma off so if they’re very strong and seeping into the communal areas maybe that is an issue?

If she bangs on your windows again, report her to the non emergency police for harassment.

They'll come and see her.

How often are you ordering parcels and deliveries without answer the door, are they being dropped at your neighbours. My neighbour never answers the door and I get the drivers banging in my door, I WFH and it’s really annoying.

Saying that she sounds a pain, re things like the smell, and potentially bullying behaviour.

I'm not sure how this works, but I assume if she's reported you to someone, there will be an investigation. If the accusations are unfounded, I'd just let it run its course. Then if she continues to bother call the police.

The use of diffusers and odor neutralizers does make it seem like you're trying to cover a smell, though.

Very much depends on what the smell is.

She never says. I mean, we've even tried different scents in the diffuser, we use a scented powder once a week, and use carpet cleaner every three months.

Her actions force me to get out of bed which causes significant levels of pain. I also fall often so moving from bedroom (furthest room from the front door too) can take me a few minutes. In the case of deliveries she is always there with her door open and a disapproving stare on her face.

Do you often order parcels knowing neither of you are likely to answer the door to receive them? If so I can see why that would annoy her when she knows you’re in, would be better to get them delivered to a safe place instead of expecting the neighbours to keep taking them in for you. Is she banging on your windows because she’s trying to give you you parcel and you’re ignoring the door?

What smell is she complaining about?

On the surface she sounds like a bully, but tbh I would find it extremely annoying to keep receiving a neighbours parcels knowing both of them are in the house and then them refusing to answer the door to me as well to take them.

Also, she has her teenage grandson living with her, he and his friends often (daily) smoke cannabis near to our living room. The smell is very distinguishable and wafts in through the window and hangs in the air (it's near to where the bins are kept) and can even be smelt outside the front of the complex.

We've never said squat about it. Maybe I should report this to the HA too.

A log is a very good idea.

@dontdisturbmenow

Very much depends on what the smell is.

It really doesn't. Her behaviour towards the OP is unacceptable regardless

how are the deliveries impacting on others?

do you take the rubbish out every day?

perhaps you need to mop more regularly?
otoh how do you know she has complained?

Stop ordering stuff to be delivered if you’re not prepared to open the door would be a starting point; that would drive me nuts. Your neighbours aren’t your personal assistants.

Was there any follow up from the HA or social services after her reports?

The Housing Officer phoned and said he'd make an appointment to come see us sometime. Haven't been contacted to arrange one in four months.

Social Services called me to do a telephone assessment. Admittedly I do have psychological/psychiatric dx's but these are already dealt with by my local MH hospital. One of these is Generalised Anxiety Disorder and her behaviour causes massive spikes in my anxiety levels.

Log every time she disturbs you and report her grandson’s weed smoking. Or tell her you’re trying to disguise the smell of his drug habit!

i am sorry to hear her behaviour.
report the pot smoking.
and dont give her any more thought.
but take in your deliveries.

If you both have medical conditions that stop you answering the door, i wonder if you're being honest about the cleaning and there is a smell. Maybe she's right that you do need some support.

She is harassing you though so a log is a good idea for now. I'd report the weed smoking anyway. Can't stand the stuff.

It would be useful for OP to know what the smell is. For example your neighbour may have extra sensitive smell and object to the diffusers. There may be a mouse rotting under their floor boards but they think smell is coming from your flat. They may have hallucinations causing them to smell things that aren't there( I sometimes get this and its exceptionally annoying) OP may have a smell in flat she's totally desensitised to. Its very hard fir OP to put right really if she dies not know what she's dealing with.

We use the neutralisers and diffusers in case of any dog smell. The hallways sees a lot of traffic as the bedroom, storage unit, kitchen and living room are joined to it, and anyone that visits has to come through the hallway.

We use the diffusers (they operate off water/natural oils) as we love the smell they give off. We've tried many different natural oils though, in case a certain smell was irritating her.

Do you have pets ? Strong cooking smells ? or is it the air fresheners that are bothering her ?

Are the parcels delivered via a communal entrance ? I could see that being annoying if it was very frequent and neither yourself or your DP were able to open the door to recieve them. Are the parcels safe left outside the door ? I would be worried that they might go missing if left too long.

Are the delivery people attempting to deliver to her as you don't answer? If so get a laminated sign on the door that says something like "please do not leave packages with neighbours". If they are just leaving on your doorstep as long as they aren't massive boxes getting in the way I can't see the issue. Say to her she doesn't need to let you know there is a parcel on the door. The parcels are fine where they are until you can bring them in. Say the delivery people are aware of this (even if that bit is a white lie).
You could also say something like you are worried about this mysterious smell yourselves and ask her what it smells like to her and where she thinks it's coming from. That way you could maybe discover that there is actually a blocked drain or something or you can discover if she is just talking bollocks.

I would inform the HA that you understand the neighbour has been in touch with them. Ask them if this is correct and if so give them your point of view, remind them of your circumstances and ask how they will be managing the situation. Would they allow you to put a notice up so delivery drivers are aware. Advise them you will be recording incidents from now on. Be proactive, do not engage with the neighbour and make sure the HA know you are monitoring the situation and how they manage it. Be reasonable, pleasant but firm as you should not have to put up with this, do not accept you are a culprit.