Reported to Housing Association

[GrumpyOldFart]

Moved into a block of Housing Association flats around a year ago due to disability requirements. We have a neighbour on the same floor who at the time said she sees everything and knows everything.

Her attitude changed earlier this year when she claimed there was an unpleasant smell from our flat (we have diffusers in the living room and hallway, and also an odour neutraliser in the kitchen and hallway. We hoover/sweep bi-daily and mop kitchen once a week.

She grabbed me a couple of months ago to tell me she had reported us to the HA for the smell, and because we don't answer the door to deliveries and dislikes the knocking on the door (I am predominantly bed-bound and have erratic sleep patterns due to disability and DP doesn't answer the door because of medical conditions).

Now the neighbour has started banging on the windows whilst calling my name and telling me there's a parcel by the door, that my partner isn't living here, that my car alarm was going off.

Except my partner IS very much living here, and my car alarm 110% wasn't going off (DP was in the front room and would have heard it. The alarm is also disabled between certain hours, including when she claimed it was going off). These incidents have been reported also. She also reported me to Social Services for "needing help".

I'd tell her to piss off but this would just antagonise the situation but it's getting truly ridiculous. I could complain about her to the HA, but she would obviously know it was me.

Any ideas would be great...

AIBU/AINBU to tell her to piss off/report her.

"Sorry but you sound a bit of a pain all round.

Thanks for the disablism"

You may of course not be a pain and it's a bit of a personal attack so rude anyway but I think it does sound like it's a pain for the neighbour getting parcels delivered and not answering the door in a communal block (also safety regs mean items shouldn't be left in communal areas). It's not disablist to say that - I'm disabled and I expect someone to tell me when I'm being a pain, I'm not exempt from criticism.

I think you've posted before about the parcel

Someone asked that earlier, different person.

@FuckBubbleOrBubbleFuck thank you. I wondered if it was just my imagination or if this sounded familiar.

Maybe for ease it might be worth getting your parcels delivered to your daughters or to a click and collect for your daughter 😂 to pick up? It would save on the door knocking noise and you wouldn't have to keep getting in and out of bed

I was going to suggest this, since it would seem to solve the "knocking" thing

And since the other complaint is about smells, isn't the obvious first step to simply ask what kind the woman's referring to? There doesn't seem much point in guessing after all ...

Agree with others.

Get parcels delivered elsewhere or C&C, ask about the smell and mention the weed. It goes both ways. You try, she tries.

@GrumpyOldFart

Sorry but you sound a bit of a pain all round.

Thanks for the disablism.

OUR DAUGHTER USUALLY HAS THE DOG

Caps and bold so hopefully people see it this time...

some posters still don't get it, sobumping for you op

would like to see the neighbours POV!

Me too! Maybe I should drop a note off directing her to this thread!

fuckmuppets

What a great word, I'm so stealing it!

I don’t understand any of these people about the parcels.

Lots of people who pre-covid were at work all day order all kinds of parcels that got left at their door and were not picked up until they got home at night. FFS. It’s not bothering anyone except the crazy nosy neighbor.

OP, don’t take any shit from this woman. Tell her if she knocks on your door again about a parcel, a car alarm or a smell you are filing harassment and discrimination complaints. You cannot be expected to hop out of bed every time you are doing something perfectly legal that this nutjob finds annoying.

Your DP needs to do a bit more. My DP is blind but if I am not able to get to the door he answers it. He doesn't like it that much but he does it. I think you need to be a little more proactive at sorting this out. Do you have a note on your door like PP have suggested?

I can't believe some of the replies you're getting on this thread OP, some of which are verging on disabilism, in my view. Some of you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

OP, a notice on the door for the delivery people sounds like a good way to go, but regarding the harassment, I would do this:

Every time you open the door for a delivery person and she's standing there staring at you, I would smile right back at her. Just hold your gaze a tiny bit too long, until she gets uncomfortable and looks away first. Same, if she knocks complaining about the smell, I would fix her with a shit eating grin, look her direct in the eyes and say: "Funny you should say that Janet, but I'm noticing a really strong smell of marijuana around here sometimes. Do you have any idea where it's coming from?" (long, uncomfortable pause). "Do you think we should make a joint complaint to the HA about it?"

(HA tenant here, veteran (and victor) of several difficult neighbour battles, skills honed in the estates of East London )

Fucking eck.
Brutal thread.
Here OP sorry you've attracted a few knobheads.

jesus.. the disablism on this thread is shocking!!

OP, please just keep a log and definitely report the harassment and weed smoking to the HA!

Ignore the disablist twats on the thread, you're doing nothing wrong, and even if your diffusers and delivery men knocking ARE irritating your neighbour, it dont not excuse her behaviour!

@GrumpyOldFart

would like to see the neighbours POV!

Me too! Maybe I should drop a note off directing her to this thread!

fuckmuppets

What a great word, I'm so stealing it!

Ah I learnt that from MN, basically you can put fuck in front of pretty much anything to make a pleasing insult eg

Fuckmuppet
Fucknugget
Fuckknuckle (I particularly like the look of letter arrangement of that one)
Etc etc

Eg "what the fuck are you looking at Janet you fuckmuppet, why don't you go and stop your DS from smoking his spliff under my window instead of staring at me like some kind of stupid fuckknuckle?"

(Still think you're BU about the parcels and the dog though sorry )

I have no idea what most of the replies on here are going on about.

First- people are allowed to have both dogs and diffusers in their own homes! Tough shit if your neighbour who doesn't live in your house either doesn't like the smell of dog or diffuser. People can do what they like in their own homes as long as it isn't causing an environmental hazard or a noise nuisance, and you aren't doing that!

They can also order what they like to their own homes, and so what if someone has to knock twice! Some of my neighbours order stuff and then go out for days seemingly. I don't seethe at them or report them- I either take the stuff for them and see it as a nice opportunity to say hi and do a neighbourly turn, or I say I can't in a polite way.

Some of the replies on here are bonkers, verging on disablist and just reflect what it must really be like to be a housebound/disabled person and a blind person living in the UK- at fault, to be quizzed about life choices and generally be not helped, even though taking in a parcel every now and again is the least you can do to help a blind and disabled couple.

OP, I have had a profoundly disabled family member and in the main people were very very kind, I hope you meet people who can see that you are just human beings living your lives and don't deserve vitriol or condemnation for having an interfering and not very nice neighbour!

When she first mentioned an unpleasant smell I panicked and did everything I could to remove it, trying to be a decent neighbour. She's not given any details about it

Probably the grandson's drug use then. Especially if it's outside your flat, she thinks it's you.

She's harassing you, OP. Report her.

That said, I've had quite a few delivery people ignore my instructions to leave the parcel in a safe place and they've knocked on next door instead. Which I imagine could be annoying even if your neighbour wasn't awful.

I resolved this by having amazon deliveries (as that's what they usually are) sent to my local Spar instead. They have secure lockers there and are open til 10/11pm, so I can nip round and collect them when it suits me, without worrying about parcels being mocked or next door being disturbed. My local post office does this service too. Pretty sure most delivery companies have this option now? Is there any way you could do this - it prevents her dashing out, snatching and keeping hold of your parcels out of spite after you report her too.

I am shocked at so many posters on here interrogating you so brutally. Your neighbour sounds unhinged.

@pointythings

I am shocked at so many posters on here interrogating you so brutally. Your neighbour sounds unhinged.

The neighbour isn’t the only one who sounds unhinged! Have you seen some of the replies on here?

Honestly op, just report her. You deserve to not be harassed in your own home. Forget about the smell she most probably making it up for something to whinge about.

Good god, some posters on here should be damn well ashamed of themselves! Appalling human beings.

She is harassing you, record every incident with dates and times.

Your life sounds challenging OP, if you were my neighbour I'd be wanting to make your life easier, not even harder!

And for those going on about strong smelling diffusers, one horrible poster even mentioning the (gasp!) plug ins, did you not read the full thread? OP, clarified that it is a steam diffuser... literally water and a couple of drops of essential oils. They're the most mild smelling things ever.

The problem is, if you can drive, OP, you can collect your parcels, surely.

I grew up in various HA and council flats. There were loads of individual flats that had their own unique smell wafting out from under the door as you walked past. I think ours smelled of potatoes (we were pretty fresh off the boat from ireland). Isn't the smell of your house, just like your body smell, a unique identifier of where and what you are? That is why I don't like diffusers. There was a family from the west indies downstairs from us in our last place and the smells coming from there were great, much better than potatoes!

Anyway, think I'm missing the point but it seems to me like a lot of people on this thread are giving you a hard time for nothing.

Would love some of these horror bag disablist posters to spend a week in your shoes. So many people live in a bubble of complete privilege and will never ever understand, nor will they try to. It's totally gross.

Just to add, I know what I wrote isn't the kindest post, but I don't know... it's all very, very hard for you and your neighbour is the stuff of nightmares. I am not disabled but I have been recovering from a heart attack and I really do understand the inability, even psychologically, to answer the door... to just deal with life, full stop. It's very trying. Your neighbour is psychologically exhausting and destroying you.
I almost would make an effort to grab the parcels ASAP. But if it's not the parcels, it's everything else. You poor soul. Sorry I was a bit of a jerk in my first post.

It sounds like you are trying to be a good neighbour, let the HA investigate if there is nothing wrong I wouldn't worry.
Try to ignore her and air the place daily the air fresheners are not good for you open all the windows for a few hours.

Maybe your neighbour has a mental health condition herself.

It might be that she's a serial complainer and has done the same thing to previous neighbours. The thing about her saying "she sees everything and knows everything" makes me think this is her MO.

So I would do your best to not let it worry you and to report her behaviour right back to the housing association, when she bothers you. Keep a diary of incidents, and othewise just try not to engage with her.