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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally fed up with ‘Xbox night’?

225 replies

Yorkie15749 · 22/08/2020 02:25

I probably am, but its 2:20am and I’m fuming!

Since lockdown started, my partner has moved in and has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox with his friends from roughly 9pm to 3am, drinking.

We live in a tiny house which means he occupies the front room and I’m left with no choice other than to go to bed early. If I try and make plans With him and others on a Friday, he grumbles about this prior commitment. I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise. He knows this and yet still keeps me up until 3am every Friday. He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier either.

Full transparency, we’ve both been working from home since March so not short of seeing each other, but committing every Friday has really wound me up?

AIBU?

OP posts:
DressingGownofDoom · 22/08/2020 02:28

I think it's time he moved back out again.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 22/08/2020 02:33

He needs to move back to his own place. Let him come round when it suits you. In your home, he doesn't get to behave like a teenager and make you miserable. Get him told.

Starlightstarbright1 · 22/08/2020 02:33

Then time to say lockdown is over time to go home . Where was be living beforehand?

lyralalala · 22/08/2020 02:37

Send him home. He's taking the piss.

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 22/08/2020 02:37

I’d be telling him to move out. If it was once in a blue moon it would be annoying, but every week knowing you don’t like it is not acceptable.

How long have you been together?
What kind of future do you want with him?
Do you think realistically he can give you that future given that he’s already demonstrated that he is very selfish and doesn’t give a toss about your needs?

Original poster
Yorkie15749 · 22/08/2020 02:46

He was renting a room off a friend before, which is still technically his, should he want it. He has been contributing exactly half here so not a total cliche.

Tried to let it go at first as thought I was being a bit unfair if that’s his ‘social time’ but it’s really stated to get me down

OP posts:
NinkiNonkiNikau · 22/08/2020 02:47

Time for him to move out

BrowncoatWaffles · 22/08/2020 02:50

Have you told him explicitly that it’s getting you down and that it triggers your PTSD and makes sleep hard? Because if you have and he’s not tried to come up with a compromise or some sort of mitigation then this feels like a massive issue. Definitely send him back to the room he’s been renting to play there - I bet his landlord / housemates or whatever would take a dim view at being disturbed that way too. It’s just shitty and unkind!

lookatmememe · 22/08/2020 02:52

Would you ever consider joining in ? If not suggest he moves out again.

Time40 · 22/08/2020 03:08

If the room he's renting is still his, why can't he go there on a Friday and stay there until Saturday?

safariboot · 22/08/2020 03:12

YANBU.

Playing games would be fine but keeping you, or anyone else in the home, awake is not on.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 22/08/2020 03:17

I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise.

Sorry to hear this. Flowers

But I think this means that you’re not really going to be able to live with anyone though because you can’t really expect everyone in a household to sleep or be quiet when you are asleep.

ZombieFan · 22/08/2020 03:21

Sorry this is annoying you. Personally it wouldn't bother me but if it does, you just tell him to move out. No big deal.

BastardGoDarkly · 22/08/2020 03:23

Did you not know about his Friday night arrangements before he moved in? Or is it new?

IdblowJonSnow · 22/08/2020 03:33

How can he just tell you what's happening in your own home?
Could he not do 8 - 11 or once a month? My DH doesn't game, I always associate this level of gaming with teens but maybe that's unfair.
Bottom line is it's your home, you call the shots.
Maybe time for him to move out again?

user1481840227 · 22/08/2020 03:55

If it's now going to be his home then I think you're being unreasonable.
9pm to 3am once a week doesn't seem bad at all. We need some social outlets and something to look forward to to keep us going, especially through lockdown.

I feel your pain about sleeping though so you're not coming from an unreasonable petty place, but I just think it would be unreasonable to make him put a stop to it if it's going to be his home from now on. I sometimes suffer with severe insomnia and would never live with a man again for that reason!!

If it's not going to be his home then it's probably time for him to move out.

Do you think realistically he can give you that future given that he’s already demonstrated that he is very selfish and doesn’t give a toss about your needs?
It could be argued that this time spent with his friends online is a huge need for him too, which would negatively impact him in the long run if he gave it up.
I know gamers are often looked down on as being childish...but say for example it was the woman in the relationship and every friday her and her friends had a girly skype chat with wine then I think that would be comparable. It could be argued that she doesn't need to do it every single week, but perhaps the chats and giggles and the social outlet to look forward to every week gives her a much needed boost!

TwilightPeace · 22/08/2020 04:01

If he knows that you can’t sleep because of the noise due to PTSD and he carries on regardless, then he doesn’t care about your feelings.
It shows he is selfish and this will continue in the relationship.
Would you not be happier without him?

FortunesFave · 22/08/2020 04:25

I am slightly on the fence here...when you live with someone, you need to compromise.

He could try ending the evening earlier...or taking turns having it at another mates' house.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 22/08/2020 04:28

Could he not do 8 - 11 or once a month? My DH doesn't game, I always associate this level of gaming with teens but maybe that's unfair.

It is unfair, a lot of very normal, sensible adults game. My partner does and sometimes til 3am. My teen son and my partner both have gaming ‘friends’ all over the world so they’re in different time zones. I just leave them to it but obviously OP can’t do that and manage to sleep.

Sexnotgender · 22/08/2020 04:33

He’s being a selfish man child. He needs to move back out.

Sparticuscaticus · 22/08/2020 04:57

You're incompatible in your regular routines. Noisily regularly Gaming & drinking late into the night isn't generally compatible with living with other people who want to sleep,

Every single Friday you have a shit evening and night as you can't sleep whilst he's making noise until 3am and whilst he's excluding you from your lounge for a whole evening,... and then every single Saturday you'll be exhausted and upset. This isn't a 'once in a blue moon' every few months thing , it's every single weekend. I'd be gutted to have my only days off (that I look forward to) impaired like this every week. You don't (he shouldn't) move in with someone and completely take over.

If it wasn't lockdown, I'd say the compromise is that he goes & stays out on Friday night at a friends to game from their house, they have two controllers he can take his headset. However, it is a pandemic, and we've all had to give up things.

I'd be compromising in meantime, that it goes off at midnight & he is quiet as a mouse/knocks any loud drinking /shouting at the game on headset on the head. And I would put a nighttime shut down restriction 12-6am on the WiFi that I pay for, so that I can relax knowing it stops when I have asked that it stops (I have many Gamer acquaintances so know full well their "I'll just finish this game... (2 hours later...)")

timeisnotaline · 22/08/2020 04:58

It’s not that adults can’t game. It’s that adults can’t unfairly take use of a house every Friday night. If he had said before moving in that he would need the living room every Friday night and would be noisy and you won’t be able to sleep till about 3am, it would have been quite simple ‘oh well that won’t work for me so best we both stay where we are’. Time to say this and him to move back (do you think he kept his housemate up all night or he was a bit more considerate)

DryHeave · 22/08/2020 05:11

Agree with everyone else about his selfishness, but in a practical level for your ability to sleep more generally - have you tried wax earplugs? They block all noise.

Finfintytint · 22/08/2020 05:30

Playing games until the early hours is a teen thing. He needs to grow up. Adults shouldn’t be gaming unless they are Incels. If he is an incel then let him be and accept he’ll never have an adult relationship.

pictish · 22/08/2020 06:07

“I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise.”

I wouldn’t want to move in with you I’m afraid. I wouldn’t have my waking hours dictated by your PTSD.