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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally fed up with ‘Xbox night’?

225 replies

Yorkie15749 · 22/08/2020 02:25

I probably am, but its 2:20am and I’m fuming!

Since lockdown started, my partner has moved in and has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox with his friends from roughly 9pm to 3am, drinking.

We live in a tiny house which means he occupies the front room and I’m left with no choice other than to go to bed early. If I try and make plans With him and others on a Friday, he grumbles about this prior commitment. I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise. He knows this and yet still keeps me up until 3am every Friday. He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier either.

Full transparency, we’ve both been working from home since March so not short of seeing each other, but committing every Friday has really wound me up?

AIBU?

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 22/08/2020 07:16

@uglyface

Why would a grown man play video games?

For the exact same reasons plenty of grown women watch TV, read books, paint, etc etc. Entertainment.

Find it totally baffling that people think sitting slobbed on the couch mindlessly soaking up Eastenders or Strictly is a perfectly normal adult activity, but actually interacting with other people and the tech should somehow be the sole preserve of children, and that adults who partake are somehow deficient.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 22/08/2020 07:26

Big moaning man child.
Lockdown is over, send him home and get your space back.

Savananan · 22/08/2020 07:29

Why would a grown man play video games?

Why would anyone watch TV? Read? Come onto Mumsnet? Because they probably enjoy it and/or it just fills the time. If he is playing at a set time he is probably playing online with his friends, what's so different between having a chat whilst playing a game, and having a glass of wine and a chat over zoom?

vanillandhoney · 22/08/2020 07:32

I actually don't see the problem with him staying up with his mates once a week and playing on the Xbox. It's not like he's doing it every single night.

I do think your PTSD means you're incompatible though. You can't tell a grown man when to come to bed, or tell him he has to be in bed at the same time as you every night so you can sleep.

If it impacts you that much can he not go back to his old rented room once a week? But I do think you may need to look into getting some help with how you're feeling - how would this work if he was up late because he was working or unwell or on night shifts?

LioneIRichTea · 22/08/2020 07:34

Find it totally baffling that people think sitting slobbed on the couch mindlessly soaking up Eastenders or Strictly is a perfectly normal adult activity, but actually interacting with other people and the tech should somehow be the sole preserve of children, and that adults who partake are somehow deficient.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX You’ve said exactly what I wanted to say in my post but better Smile

Marriedtoapenguin · 22/08/2020 07:40

So one night a week doing something with his friends is bad and he's the unreasonable one? Only on MN.

Take it some of you would rather he went the pub? Or would that be a sign of being a selfish man child incel too?

Last time I checked, moving in with someone requires compromise on both sides and frankly one night a week isn't exactly bad.

As for the anti gaming comments, wow.

Weebitawks · 22/08/2020 07:41

I actually, PTSD aside don't think one night a week doing this is so terrible. I know it's not a race to the bottom but there are so many threads about partners playing Xbox all night and day all week. He just has one night and I think it's pretty controlling to tell him he can't do that. Especially as you are both with eachother all day every day. I often leave DH doing something downstairs so I can come upstairs and watch a film with a glass of wine alone. Maybe if you make an effort to do something together on a Saturday?

Obviously you need to find a compromise regarding your PTSD. It's unfair of him to keep you awake but it's also unfair for you to stop him enjoying one night a week playing and talking with his friends.

30not13 · 22/08/2020 07:42

I'm afraid to say yanbu to expect your partner to always go to sleep when you do.
Are you getting any treatment for this PTSD?

30not13 · 22/08/2020 07:43

Yabu I mean. Auto correct.

TinySleepThief · 22/08/2020 07:44

Feom reading what you've written I would sy the fact its gaming is irrelevant. As you would have this issue no matter what he chose to do e.g. Watching Tv, listening to podcasts, reading, chatting on the phone etc. The issue is less the noise and more the fact that no matter what he's doing you wont be able to sleep as he is still awake. I think people are focusing on the gaming roo harshly, plenty of adults stay up late watching crap tv and films until later than 9pm especially on a Friday night.

I think the only way forward is for him to move out but i do think you need to get more help gor your PTSD as I cant see you being able to live with any future partners if you can't sleep when they are still awake.

Touca · 22/08/2020 07:45

The staying up once per week to socialize with friends isn't unreasonable at all. If he's being loud to the point where most people couldnt sleep through it, then YABU.

SaintofBats · 22/08/2020 07:47

As I’ve said before on here, I’ve always simplified my relationships life by ruling out anyone who games before things get off the starting blocks. It’s up there with the key questions like: Are you a Tory? Do you believe in a beardie in the sky who needs endless petitionIng and placating? Do you read? Do you own a replica football shirt? Do you spend time pushing little buttons and making little onscreen characters rush about and shoot things?

wildcherries · 22/08/2020 07:51

I can't sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise.

I'm sorry this is the case. But it is incompatible with sharing living space with another adult. You can't expect him to go to bed at the same time as you.

Also, there's nothing wrong with playing video games. It's a hobby and a way to socialise. It doesn't automatically make him somehow deficient as a man.

Fatted · 22/08/2020 07:51

Would you be complaining about him going out on the lash and not coming home until 3am as well?

If you can't live with each other, ask him to leave.

ememem84 · 22/08/2020 07:52

What happens the rest of the time? Does he sleep when you sleep? He never stays up later than you to watch tv?

I don’t think dh and I always go to bed at the same time.

AlwaysCheddar · 22/08/2020 07:52

He needs to go.

pictish · 22/08/2020 07:54

Well it’s good to maintain your standards. Nothing wrong with that.
I don’t mind gaming so it’s not one of my key questions. We’re all different. Don’t be imagining yourself a cut above now.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 22/08/2020 07:56

@SaintofBats

Would you immediately write off anyone who visits the cinema, the theatre, watches TV, reads books, listens to or plays music, or any one of a multitude of other perfectly normal pastimes and entertainments, or is it just that you have a fairly well-set picture in your mind about what gaming is and what gamers are, so totally dismiss them out of hand regardless of whether your prejudices bare any resemblance to reality or not?

At least you're removing yourself from the pool of potential friends/partners/acquaintances for people who don't have ridiculous preconceived prejudices, and can't be bothered with people who live by them, so there is that I suppose.

Twiningalldaylong · 22/08/2020 07:57

To me one night a week isn't a lot but it's whether you can live with it. If you can't then it's time he moved out. And I do totally understand about the noise. My 15 year old is gaming a lot at the moment, he wears a head set but he talks and shouts constantly. We can hear him everywhere. With him he switches off at 9pm..I can see why 3am is extremely annoying but I can also see it from his point of view. I don't think he is being unreasonable.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 22/08/2020 08:01

Cocklodger. Get rid.

Savananan · 22/08/2020 08:02

Cocklodger

He's paying half, how does that make him a cocklodger?

vanillandhoney · 22/08/2020 08:03

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Cocklodger. Get rid.
How the fuck is he a cocklodger? He pays half of everything! Hmm
TinySleepThief · 22/08/2020 08:04

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Cocklodger. Get rid.
How on earth is someone who pays half the bills and enjoys a hobby for 6 hours a week a cocklodger. Would you say the same if he chose to read for 6 hours a week? Hmm
Frazzled2207 · 22/08/2020 08:05

He needs to use the place that he is technically still renting surely.

This is YOUR place! I just don’t understand how this was ever agreed.

If you really want to compromise he should take it in turns with his mates and that way you are only affected every few weeks.

wildcherries · 22/08/2020 08:06

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Cocklodger. Get rid.
He's paying half. He's not a cocklodger. FFS, this place sometimes!
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