To be totally fed up with ‘Xbox night’?

[Yorkie15749]

I probably am, but its 2:20am and I’m fuming!

Since lockdown started, my partner has moved in and has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox with his friends from roughly 9pm to 3am, drinking.

We live in a tiny house which means he occupies the front room and I’m left with no choice other than to go to bed early. If I try and make plans With him and others on a Friday, he grumbles about this prior commitment. I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise. He knows this and yet still keeps me up until 3am every Friday. He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier either.

Full transparency, we’ve both been working from home since March so not short of seeing each other, but committing every Friday has really wound me up?

AIBU?

@loudev

Esp since he just decided to move in. Wasn't a planned thing as the OP mentioned

That's not what was said, she said it wasn't agreed that he could have an x box night every Friday, not that moving in wasn't planned.

Also I think compromise goes both ways. Where's her compromise? She wants quiet every single night, 6 out of 7 that's what she gets.

Where does she say she wants quiet every night?

The OP is being made to go to their bedroom early because of his Xbox night and then not able to sleep until past 3 am which is seriously unreasonable

I really don't see going upstairs as an issue they don't have to spend every single evening together! DH and I often spend our evenings doing different things - she's hardly being sent to bed. She can read, watch TV, mess about online, take a bath, do her nails - whatever she fancies.

And her not being able to sleep until 3am isn't his fault. She's said she can't sleep if anyone else is awake. Expecting your partner to always go to bed when you do is unrealistic. He's a grown up. If he wants to stay up until 3am chatting to his mates, he should be able to do so.

which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise.

Here @dwiz8. She can't sleep if anyone else is awake. So he's suppose to go sleep every time she does? If this was the other way around and a woman said "my dh said I have to go to bed at the same time as him every night because I can't sleep otherwise" she would be told to leave him.

3am people! That is not reasonable!

Sorry i dont see the issue here surely when you live together you have to compromise. Im so sorry you have ptsd. I lived with someone most of my life with it so i know how hard it is for the sufferer but equally everyone living with them suffers too. So i know its hard but you cannot dictate he sleeps when you do because you dont like people being awake in the house when your in bed. Thats unreasonable and its not his issue to solve. Is he actually kicking you out or do you just leave because you dont want to be there? Because my dp drinks and games a lot with people until 2, 3, 4 even 5am and anywhere after that and i dont go to bed i stay in the room playing on my phone, watching movies on a tablet or reading. He cant dictate you leave the room every week.

What compromise has he made?

Sounds like he's moved from a room into a house (where he pays no rent), got comfy and carried on doing whatever he likes, whenever he likes.

Who is 'dictating' to whom?

(he) has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox

He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier

Reads very much as him dictating to her, what will be happening in her living room, every single Friday night.

...i.e. Move over woman, there's a man in your house.

His needs must always come first. His wishes will always come before your needs. Your wishes... no. You may no longer have wishes.

But poor bloke. Poor, poor bloke. Right?

@lottiegarbanzo the poster has said he pays half of the rent and bills actually do not her living room. It's theirs.

@Yorkie15749

He was renting a room off a friend before, which is still technically his, should he want it. He has been contributing exactly half here so not a total cliche.

Tried to let it go at first as thought I was being a bit unfair if that’s his ‘social time’ but it’s really stated to get me down

I think you might have missed the bit where the OP says he pays his way equally.

Is mn just a hub for drama queens? A man who pays half the bills is being called a cocklodger, is being told that its her house and he should leave... Erm no when someone moves in it becomes their home as well its a dick move to kick someone out of their home because one minor issue irritates you.

Also no gaming isnt just for children or manchild or incels or serial killers. Gaming is a multi billiom dollar industry run by adults with many games being 18 plus and set out like interactive movies. Also women play as well.

Also who says he hasnt compromised every other thing in his relationship and their living arrangement and this is the one thing he has thats his. Everyone in the world is entitled to regular alone time and hobbies not involving their relationship. Thats healthy and shouldnt be dictated when its in moderation which once a week is.

@RyanBergarasTeeth

Also who says he hasnt compromised every other thing in his relationship and their living arrangement and this is the one thing he has thats his. Everyone in the world is entitled to regular alone time and hobbies not involving their relationship. Thats healthy and shouldnt be dictated when its in moderation which once a week is.

Unless he is shouting until 3am every Friday night at the Xbox on his headset to keep the whole household awake. In which case, it's really not on.

People can have hobbies and be respectful of everyone else. 'My hobby is drum playing which I love to gig with friends on in a zoom call. I don't do it once a week 9pm-3am

Meh, let's wait for @Yorkie15749 to update us and clarify as multiple PPs are guessing and all of us may be wrong

@RyanBergarasTeeth

Also who says he hasnt compromised every other thing in his relationship and their living arrangement and this is the one thing he has thats his. Everyone in the world is entitled to regular alone time and hobbies not involving their relationship. Thats healthy and shouldnt be dictated when its in moderation which once a week is.

Can't be dictated when someone else decides to make a racket weekly at 3am?? Get to fuck!

Literally nowhere does the OP say hes making a racket stop making shit up to support ridiculous arguments

My DP is a gamer, it doesn't bother me, we all have our things but if he kept me up at night I'd be P'd off! You need to tell him if wants his Friday night gaming he needs to do it elsewhere.

Dump him

Communication.

Sit him down, explain that he did not ok games night with you 1st but you've tried to be accommodating and it's not working for (cite the reasons you've stated to us), tell him lockdown is over and he needs to go back to his own place as you're not prepared to live like this anymore.

If it finished at midnight it would be bad enough but 3am? No way.

Obviously this raises questions about the longevity of your relationship going forward but if you can't find a compromise I.e him gaming at someone else's house and he's not prepared to finish earlier then you are basically incompatible going forward.

@FelicisNox

Communication.

Sit him down, explain that he did not ok games night with you 1st but you've tried to be accommodating and it's not working for (cite the reasons you've stated to us), tell him lockdown is over and he needs to go back to his own place as you're not prepared to live like this anymore.

If it finished at midnight it would be bad enough but 3am? No way.

Obviously this raises questions about the longevity of your relationship going forward but if you can't find a compromise I.e him gaming at someone else's house and he's not prepared to finish earlier then you are basically incompatible going forward.

That isn't communication that is dictation do as i say or fuck off. Once a fucking week go and purchase a extra large grip.

Grab a controller and join in he’ll soon start finishing earlier or you’ll find him cancelling it all together

It’s your house, he doesn’t live there and can easily piss off back to his room and play. I think you need to ask yourself of this is what you want your living together to start out like. Kick him out and tell him until he gets what loving together is like he’s not welcome. If you have PTSD and your partner can’t even take that into account then I think it says a lot about your future.

Some of the attitudes to gaming on this thread are ridiculous! All this faux “oh I didn’t know adults play games” 😂 I could easily say, oh I didn’t know that people in their 30s knit, isn’t that just for older people? And that would be an equally ridiculous stereotype.

I am 30, both me and my husband game. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. We have other hobbies like cooking, reading, writing, crafts etc and are not mindless video game zombies as some people seem to think. Madness.

OP, can you get some ear plugs? My husband stays up late once a week for the same reason, and foam ear plugs are a god send. He isn’t overly noisy but I can’t sleep with any noise.

I’m sorry but playing games from 9pm-3am? He needs to get a grip and grow up. There’s nothing wrong with playing games, but not for that long and it’s hardly a ‘commitment’ - I don’t hasten to add that his most important commitment should be you.

If he's living with you and paying half like normal couples do, then I think your being unfair. Every person is entitled to alone time or to do things they enjoy, they don't have to do everything the way you like it. My next door neighbours every Friday night for the last 25 years have had games night. And my family every Friday has a film night/family night..... He's only having 1 night, not all week. Its not that when all the girls have girls nights... Then men are expected to say OK.

@Alwaystired90

I’m sorry but playing games from 9pm-3am? He needs to get a grip and grow up. There’s nothing wrong with playing games, but not for that long and it’s hardly a ‘commitment’ - I don’t hasten to add that his most important commitment should be you.

Only one who needs a grip is you its once a week probably for less time than you spend posting dross on here

Maybe ask if he would be ok not having access to the living room every single Sat night from 9pm-3am. Not in a moaning way but just to try and get him to understand that it’s a pain to finish work on a Friday and then go to bed at 9pm. I guess moving in together takes working out so you need to have a chat about what is causing resentment or other things will start to build up.