Page 9 | To be totally fed up with ‘Xbox night’?

Yorkie15749 · 2020-08-22T01:25:47+00:00

I probably am, but its 2:20am and I’m fuming! Since lockdown started, my partner has moved in and has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox with his friends from roughly 9pm to 3am, drinking. We live in a tiny house which means he occupies the front room and I’m left with no choice other than to go to bed early. If I try and make plans With him and others on a Friday, he grumbles about this prior commitment. I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise. He knows this and yet still keeps me up until 3am every Friday. He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier either. Full transparency, we’ve both been working from home since March so not short of seeing each other, but committing every Friday has really wound me up? AIBU?

Ragwort · 23/08/2020 19:12

Always my DH and I frequently spend six hours + on our hobbies (separately) - not gaming but that doesn't matter, surely it's not unreasonable to have your own time for hobbies? . If my DH wants to watch something on tv that I don't want to watch (or vice versa) then one of us just goes in another room - what's wrong with that! I don't need my DH to 'entertain me' in the evenings.

Wearethechampionsmyfriend · 23/08/2020 19:19

Since lock down he's moved in
Lock down is over I'd say its time for him to move out, I feel he's being very unreasonable.

Porridgeoat · 23/08/2020 19:21

I can’t see the issue with this either. I spend that much time on my hobbies and so does DH. Get him some headphones and wear earphones yourself

CallmeBadJanet · 23/08/2020 19:39

WTF is this thing about "adult" men gaming? And why do many women not question it/defend it/allow it to go on? The men need to grow up, and us women need to be clearer about what's ok. 🙄

TinySleepThief · 23/08/2020 19:45

@CallmeBadJanet

WTF is this thing about "adult" men gaming? And why do many women not question it/defend it/allow it to go on? The men need to grow up, and us women need to be clearer about what's ok. 🙄

Does that also count for adult women who game? Do we need to be told by adult men that it's not acceptable and that we need to grow up... Or is it just men who are not allowed to game?

R1R2 · 23/08/2020 19:45

@CallmeBadJanet

WTF is this thing about "adult" men gaming? And why do many women not question it/defend it/allow it to go on? The men need to grow up, and us women need to be clearer about what's ok. 🙄

Because its a perfectly acceptable hobby that men and women around the world enjoy? But you go ahead generic MN Anti Gamer number 3998762

Nanny0gg · 23/08/2020 20:26

Still no OP...

Vinomummyinlockdown · 23/08/2020 21:05

Time to move out buddy!! No question. Your place, your rules not manchild’s rules ffs!

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 23/08/2020 22:17

Is it not possible for you to wear wax earplugs or something if you want to compromiser. I used to wear them at uni. They were an absolute godsend! If this isn’t possible and he won’t compromise either. then you aren’t compatible. Sad though it is, if that’s a deal breaker for you then you’re best just being honest now instead of expecting him to change. Because he won’t.

PeachyPeachTrees · 23/08/2020 22:47

Since a few weeks into lockdown, my DH and 3 of his mates play video games from 7pm to about midnight every Wednesday night. It's a hobby that he finds fun, it's a way of socialising with his friends. There is nothing wrong with a man in his 40s playing video games on Xbox, PC or whatever, it doesn't make him a nerdy twat that needs to grow up. I prefer it to a DH who goes out all Sunday playing golf or goes to the gym 4 nights a week.
I also have PTSD and can't sleep until DH is in bed. I get the frustration, so would try a compromise of starting earlier and finishing earlier.

Original poster

Yorkie15749 · 23/08/2020 23:15

Thanks for all viewpoints, I didn’t expect so many replies and haven’t revisited the thread since Friday night. It’s definitely made me reconsider my point of view

To cover off questions (sorry if not all) , yes his friends are online and yes he is noisy. At no point was I expecting him to give up the hobby full stop, just be a little more flexible as to the frequency and be a bit more considerate of my specific needs- which I understand are my problem to own)

We’ve chatted about it now and come to a compromise that he’s finished by 1am and will keep the noise down. He’s also said he’s happy to cancel games night if we have any in-person plans. This I can live with :)

Definitely a lesson in ‘AIBU’!

OP posts:

Givemlala · 23/08/2020 23:20

Sounds like a good compromise OP :) glad it worked out well in the end.

PeachyPeachTrees · 23/08/2020 23:21

Ah this is good. Hope the compromise works out well.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 23/08/2020 23:27

Glad you’ve managed to both make compromises. It’s a positive situation, going forwards. 😊

Yeahnahmum · 24/08/2020 01:24

Grown man having game night for that long is just sad imo. And rather annoying considering you live in a a small house when the noise goes on until 3 am every friday. I would retaliate hard.

Yeahnahmum · 24/08/2020 01:29

*a grown man

WendyHoused · 24/08/2020 02:21

It’s great that you’ve been able to compromise and find a solution that works for you both.

Sparticuscaticus · 24/08/2020 02:49

@Yorkie15749

Thanks for all viewpoints, I didn’t expect so many replies and haven’t revisited the thread since Friday night. It’s definitely made me reconsider my point of view

To cover off questions (sorry if not all) , yes his friends are online and yes he is noisy. At no point was I expecting him to give up the hobby full stop, just be a little more flexible as to the frequency and be a bit more considerate of my specific needs- which I understand are my problem to own)

We’ve chatted about it now and come to a compromise that he’s finished by 1am and will keep the noise down. He’s also said he’s happy to cancel games night if we have any in-person plans. This I can live with :)

Definitely a lesson in ‘AIBU’!

That's good Yorkie

Thought it'd be the sporadic loud noises that your Gamer DP was making!

My DD18 promises to keep noise down and finish at a reasonable hour, but he forgets in the heat of the game. so I expect you'll have a few settling in weeks...

I text my DS each time he shouts or wakes me up after 11pm when he's playing so he has a chance before I have to get out of bed to remind him

It also enables us to talk factually (another day) how many times in an Xbox night he loudly disturbed our sleeping household (other DCs) & at what time- I quote what I can hear so he can see it in black & white. (Its sweary and not peaceful to sleep through at 12- 2.30am! )

DS18 has been shocked at how much he was disturbing us & how it sounds to others. I didn't need to say much with the facts in front of him.

It might be worth considering something like that to help DP stick to his agreement.

Localocal · 24/08/2020 08:52

I actually think YABU. Spending time with his friends once a week? That sounds fine to me, especially if you are together every other night. And I don't think there is anything wrong with staying up late either. There is no moral rectitude to being an early bird.

I'm sorry you can't sleep with him up and about, but that sounds like you are making your problem his problem instead of addressing it yourself. I think you should get some help with your PTSD. And maybe some earplugs?

But mainly I think you should stop being judgy about how he chooses to relax with his friends. And if he is going to live with you it's his sitting room too and asking to use it to do something that's important to him once a week is not a big ask. A lot of men struggle to connect and make strong and lasting friendships. If this is their thing leave him alone.

Friday night is now your night to make plans with your friends, read a book in the bath, colour your hair, call your mum and your nan, or take yourself to a film you want to see and he doesn't. Start thinking of it as your Me-Night too and make the most of it.

But if this is an excuse to ask him to leave, then it sounds like you don't want him living with you and are looking for a reason to blame him for it. In which case, just own up that it's not working and ask him to move out without pretending that it's his fault.

Yorkshiretolondon · 24/08/2020 09:17

Talk to him. He probably won’t even realise unless you spell it out, it’s a man thing... most are me centric!
We now have a boys room (I can use it don’t worry lol!) in our house ANY activity of such nature is conducted In This room. I feel blessed that I no longer EVER have to watch football, or gaming on my TV.....🤣🤣

Jack80 · 24/08/2020 09:24

Maybe ask him to limit time on the xbox explain you can't sleep with noise or ask him to move out and just stay over without the xbox.

ElleMac44 · 24/08/2020 12:10

You are not being unreasonable, but you have to compromise, my husband and son game, but I have a separate room I can go to with a tv in, books, sofa ect and relax, I actually like my free time on my own. Is there anywhere you can do this? Or can you make a "man cabe" for him in the garden? Or come up with some inventive idea to create a chilling space for yourself, speak to your partner, see what you can come up with, my friend had a summer house built in the garden, with a heater, tv, music, books ect, it's a perfect "woman cave" that's just for her. X

YogiBearcub · 24/08/2020 20:56

What age is your partner? I find this behaviour utterly eye rolling on every level but maybe I'm showing my age here in my late 30s! I was doing video game night when I was like 15-17! Men are less mature so if he's say 25 then maybe it's normal?

In any case you need to tell him that you cannot sleep while he's playing and you don't want to spend your whole Saturday feeling tired because of his (selfish) choice. You could also say you'd quite like to watch a movie or some tv on Friday night after a long week and now you don't have that option. Tell him he can do the games every once a month at yours - other weekends he can go back to his room or to his mates' houses. The only reason he's doing it at yours is cos your the only partner or flatmate not to complain!

R1R2 · 24/08/2020 23:17

@YogiBearcub

What age is your partner? I find this behaviour utterly eye rolling on every level but maybe I'm showing my age here in my late 30s! I was doing video game night when I was like 15-17! Men are less mature so if he's say 25 then maybe it's normal?

In any case you need to tell him that you cannot sleep while he's playing and you don't want to spend your whole Saturday feeling tired because of his (selfish) choice. You could also say you'd quite like to watch a movie or some tv on Friday night after a long week and now you don't have that option. Tell him he can do the games every once a month at yours - other weekends he can go back to his room or to his mates' houses. The only reason he's doing it at yours is cos your the only partner or flatmate not to complain!

Late 30s and you act like a 90 year old "utterly eye rolling" go purchase an extra large grip. Literally billions of adults of all ages around the world regularly play video games it is not some immature hobby for kids its multi trillion dollar entertainment industry.

Sparticuscaticus · 26/08/2020 07:23

6 more comments from people that can't be bothered to RTFT or even OPs last comment, in which she states..
-He keeps her awake making noise when gaming (so yes it is selfish)
-She has talked to him
-They have compromised

Come on people! Don't comment if you are too uninterested to read the latest