To be totally fed up with ‘Xbox night’?

[Yorkie15749]

I probably am, but its 2:20am and I’m fuming!

Since lockdown started, my partner has moved in and has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox with his friends from roughly 9pm to 3am, drinking.

We live in a tiny house which means he occupies the front room and I’m left with no choice other than to go to bed early. If I try and make plans With him and others on a Friday, he grumbles about this prior commitment. I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise. He knows this and yet still keeps me up until 3am every Friday. He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier either.

Full transparency, we’ve both been working from home since March so not short of seeing each other, but committing every Friday has really wound me up?

AIBU?

Adults shouldn’t be gaming unless they are incels?

What rubbish. And narrow minded rubbish at that.

Agree with pictidh. What if he was just watching tv while you sleep? is that a problem?
If he cut it down to 2x month ?

you’re not really going to be able to live with anyone though because you can’t really expect everyone in a household to sleep or be quiet when you are asleep.
This. Massively unreasonable to expect everyone in a house to sleep when you sleep.

But every Friday night taken with no compromise is unreasonable from him.

What night would you prefer him to be gaming with his friends? If you just dont, then he needs to move out as this is going nowhere if neither of you are prepared to compromise.

you’re not really going to be able to live with anyone though because you can’t really expect everyone in a household to sleep or be quiet when you are asleep

I do agree with this. Sounds like it's time for him to move out if it bothers you.

Boot him out again. He’s incapable of compromise; you can’t build a future with someone like that.

Taking over the shared lounge of a small flat every single Friday night is ridiculously rude.

He’s incapable of compromise, which is really selfish. You can’t really live with anyone because you need them to sleep when you sleep.

This can’t work, he needs to go home now.

Can he get headphones?

How come it’s always at your house, can’t they do a rota between the friends?
I wouldn’t want my sleep pattern disturbed till 3am every single week either.

The thing is, part of being an adult and one of the few perks is that you can spend your free time as you wish. There’s no point attempting to build a life with someone with whom you are incompatible on that front.

Mate, you’re complaining about one night a week.....try every single night.

Get ear plugs.

I had assumed the arrangement was online and that his friends were in their own homes.
Are they all sitting round yours?

@BovvyDazz I'm guessing they're all in their own living rooms, online.

I tend to think that you really can't expect someone to just go to bed when you do. Also, it's once a week, not every night. It sounds like there is no compromise to be.made here so yeah, he should probably move out.

Hi OP sorry if I’ve misinterpreted this. If it’s noisy can’t he wear headphones?

I’m not a fan of computer games but I have to say that I think you’re being slightly unreasonable. He should have discussed it with you but doing this one night a week is pretty reasonable. There are plenty of men out there that do this every night and it’s not really fair of you to ask him to stop a hobby which allows him to socialise with his friends once a week.

I have suffered from PTSD so I have every sympathy with the noise issue however it’s not reasonable to expect your partner to live to your sleeping routine 7 days a week. I actually think one gaming night per week is a reasonable compromise. Could you try ear plugs or white noise? I say this with compassion, but you shouldn’t just be accepting that your PTSD puts limits on other people’s activities. I worked incredibly hard to dig myself out of a godawful black pit with mine and I got there in the end. You have to work to improve. Don’t accept that you have to live with it. Think of strategies and tactics that could help and try them.

Adults shouldn’t be gaming unless they are Incels

This site is comedy gold sometimes. Bampot hot-takes and statements galore, but this is a particularly amusing piece of lunacy. Thanks for the laughs

Can he wear headphones? Game in another room? Go back to his old room one night a week? Go to a friend's house and game together? It is annoying that he isn't available on Friday nights but maybe you can either see it as you time, or find a group of friends to hang out with then, a hobby or something. For the PTSD look into getting EMDR.

Even with headphones you’ve still got him talking. And she says even if he’s just awake she can’t sleep.

Why would a grown man play video games?

Presumably because he enjoys it. Why do you post on Mumsnet?

I think you both have different needs and it feels like you are trying to.impose your needs on him because it's your house. Which is fine if you are happy to live on your own again, but not hopeful if you would like to live with someone long term in the future. Sharing a house in lockdown is a real challenge and people do get on each others nerves. Him wanting one night a week with his friends is not unreasonable. However, driving you out if your living room and keeping you awake is not. So ideally you need to work together to find a solution that works for you both.

I can confirm it in my house at least. I just asked my gaming dh why a grown man would play video games. He replied, “Because he likes it.”

He also added, “Why would a grown man play video games exclusively to the detriment of all else? Because it’s addictive and they’ve lost their direction in life. It’s filling a gap.”
I agree. But that’s not what we’re discussing here.

Gaming is fine. Reading is fine. Mumsnetting is fine. Crochet is fine. Anyone can partake in any of those things. Only a miserable person grudges others pastimes.

Why would a grown man play video games?

because it’s a hobby. Gaming is a massive industry (might be the biggest entertainment industry too can’t remember) it’s changed from being just for kids (as it was when I was young - SNES, Gameboy etc) to more geared towards adults with disposable income. (Games aren’t cheap)

Whilst Im not a gamer people who scoff at gaming annoy me. Not only is it a genuine way to spend your free time like knitting or golf or researching family history or reading/posting on Mumsnet. There are a lot of skills in gaming which some employers have woken up to.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect a partner to spend every evening in your company and to go to bed at the same time as you. It doesn’t sound like you two are able to live together

Sounds to me like the issue is you, it's not his fault you cant sleep, you never mention noise just your PTSD, then it's down to you to manage that, he shouldnt have his bedtime dictated to him by you.
If it starts at 21.00 it's not like you dont get an evening, you could still watch a film after dinner etc before he plays his game.
To everyone suggesting switching times or frequencys, hes obviously playing with friends, so everyone would have to change what there times.

Personally I think you are being very unreasonable, you live together and work from home together so spend every waking minute together, him using the tv for one evening a week is perfectly reasonable, I'm guessing he doesnt dictate that you go to bed, cant you sit with him and read a book or watch a film on an ipad?
Relationships are about compromise, and you want to stop him doing something perfectly reasonable because you dont like it.