To be totally fed up with ‘Xbox night’?

[Yorkie15749]

I probably am, but its 2:20am and I’m fuming!

Since lockdown started, my partner has moved in and has (without really ever agreeing it with me) committed every single Friday evening to playing Xbox with his friends from roughly 9pm to 3am, drinking.

We live in a tiny house which means he occupies the front room and I’m left with no choice other than to go to bed early. If I try and make plans With him and others on a Friday, he grumbles about this prior commitment. I also have issues with sleeping due to PTSD, which without going into detail means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise. He knows this and yet still keeps me up until 3am every Friday. He won’t compromise on ending the games earlier either.

Full transparency, we’ve both been working from home since March so not short of seeing each other, but committing every Friday has really wound me up?

AIBU?

@Sparticuscaticus my partner uses headset and plays cod and he really isn't that noisy! And no where in the post does the op say that her partner is noisy.

Also, she can't tell him to go home, it turned into his home when they agreed for him to move in.
Also she said it's a house, not a tiny flat. It's one night a week, I think it's the op that needs to compromise a bit.

I actually think you are a bit unreasonable. I see no issue with your bf doing this once a week. My husband plays xbox several evening a week (but usually finishes by 11 on a weekday). I wear wax ear plugs to sleep in. Your PTSD/sleep issues are unfortunately a problem that you need to deal with first. You won't ever be able to live with someone else if you need everyone to be asleep at the same time as you.

Suggest he plays 8-midnight instead. Or maybe he could spend Fridays at his friends house playing it. If he won't then you aren't compatible.

The different points of view here are really interesting.

One side sayinvv is only 6 hours once a week.

On the other hand, it's until 3am every single Friday night. I work Monday to Friday, Friday nights are unwind and come down from the week time, and Saturdays are for mumsnet cleaning, a long morning dog walk, doing stables and riding my horse, getting the house jobs done etc and hobbies. If I had a partner who had a hobby that meant that I couldn't relax in my living room after 9pm on a Friday night and I got a disturbed night's sleep then that's my Friday night unwinding time cut in half and a deadline i have to be aware of, and me (and presumably him too) not set up all to get up and on with our day Saturday. That's a lot more disruptive to your partner than 6 hours out at golf on a Saturday daytime for example.

Surely the op could get a tv for the bedroom or watch Netflix/catch up on laptop/mobile.
She is not banished to have to go to sleep like a child.
If you have a one bed flat then yes sometimes one person needs the lounge and the other goes to the other room.

@HorseIsland

Mumsnet is hilarious sometimes. I’m a middle aged mother and I game most nights. Pretty sure I’m not an incel hmm DH takes over the living room with his pringles and shit telly. So when DS is in bed I usually play games or do some OU work (or both!). We are lucky in that we have a spare room I’ve set up my home office in.

Do you take over the sole living room in a tiny house with your gaming friends, so that the partner you've recently moved in with has to sit in the bedroom, and refuse to compromise on the gaming sessions ending before 3 am, even though it means your partner can't sleep?

Then hardly comparable.

I was actually referring to other people calling gamers incel’s and teenagers etc. The op has an issue that has nothing to do with gaming per se, the issue is with the uncompromising on either side exacerbated by the small space and her PTSD. Incidentally my house is also tiny. I see no reason why the ops partner can’t game until 3am one night a week if he wants to. He just needs to set up his rig somewhere else. Kitchen, dining room, spare room. Anywhere so op can have the living room. If he’s on a headset then the noise shouldn’t be too loud so long as he doesn’t scream and shout into the wee hours (which op never said he does).

It's small flat isn't it? So no dining room/spare room and In lots of flats, the kitchen is connected to the lounge (and has no big table to set anything up on) so not separate.
If he moves it all to the bedroom, then the op can't go to bed anyway until over?
The op hasn't even said he is noisy, just that he isn't asleep beside her which is the main issue.
But then she posted and ran anyway!

My husband games every Friday night, as soon as we put little one to sleeps he's on until 1-2am, he's loud on his headset in the room next to me so I just tell him to be quiet every now and then

So @Yorkie15749, what do you think after 150+ votes?

@burnoutbabe

Surely the op could get a tv for the bedroom or watch Netflix/catch up on laptop/mobile. She is not banished to have to go to sleep like a child. If you have a one bed flat then yes sometimes one person needs the lounge and the other goes to the other room.

Op says ‘tiny house’. Tiny is objective as well.

I don't think you can call it her house only when he pays half of everything. He certainly isn't a cocklodger! I have weekly zoom chats with my friends, we only have 1 room downstairs so DP and DS go up to our bedroom and watch tv so I can use the desk with the ipad mount. I don't see how this is any different tbh. I think yabu OP.

[quote loudev]@Sparticuscaticus my partner uses headset and plays cod and he really isn't that noisy! And no where in the post does the op say that her partner is noisy.

Also, she can't tell him to go home, it turned into his home when they agreed for him to move in.
Also she said it's a house, not a tiny flat. It's one night a week, I think it's the op that needs to compromise a bit. [/quote]
Fair enough she does say a tiny house not
tiny flat. Tiny house can still be a two up two down with new build thin walls. And I can only go on the experience of all those I know who have online gamers in their families that -with headsets and certain Xbox games - they get sporadically noisy.

I remind my son to quieten down at 11-12pm which he initially does but soon forgets as the game gets more intense- and so do most of the other teens and adults we know - there's still random shouting going on which is jarring and it wakes me (without PTSD) with a fright.

The thing is until OP clarities if he is being randomly noisy -which is how a proportion of us have experienced it & believed she meant as that would make sense with PTSD - we are just conjecturing as much those who believe he is respectfully tiptoeing around quietly playing a group online game whilst drinking & playing at home.

Maybe we should all wait for OP @Yorkie15749 to clear this up

I don't know how all my text went into bold but having a loading WiFi problem here. My comment is the non indented one afterwards

I would tell him Xbox night either ends at midnight or it doesn't happen anymore at your home

That would annoy me too. Maybe if you reframe it in your mind as similar to say a commitment to football practice on a Sunday morning? That’s his hobby, that’s when the group meets so he is unavailable on a Friday evening. You might go to the gym regularly on say Tuesday nights, try and see it as similar to that.

The sleep thing is really annoying and it’s inconsiderate if he is up making a noise until that time of night and needs a word but if he’s quiet and you just can’t sleep without him then it’s not strictly his fault.

Can the two of you find somewhere bigger together if you don’t want him to move out and everything is otherwise good?

I would tell him Xbox night either ends at midnight or it doesn't happen anymore at your home

What?! But it's his home too?! They live together.

If he is otherwise OK to be with why not send him to his friend's room on Friday nights? Then you're free to go out with friends or chill in peace.

@loudev

I would tell him Xbox night either ends at midnight or it doesn't happen anymore at your home

What?! But it's his home too?! They live together.

Yep

Part of living together is compromise. I don't agree with the people saying no xbox night but he needs to have some consideration of the person he lives with.

Esp since he just decided to move in. Wasn't a planned thing as the OP mentioned

Esp since he just decided to move in. Wasn't a planned thing as the OP mentioned

Where does it say that?

Esp since he just decided to move in. Wasn't a planned thing as the OP mentioned

That's not what was said, she said it wasn't agreed that he could have an x box night every Friday, not that moving in wasn't planned.

Also I think compromise goes both ways. Where's her compromise? She wants quiet every single night, 6 out of 7 that's what she gets.

means I cant sleep if anyone in the house is awake/making noise.
From ops original post.

So she can't sleep if anyone else is awake, so he's suppose to go sleep every night at the same time as her? Sounds controlling in my opinion.
Ptsd is obviously hard to live with, but you can't expect others to not make noise. Maybe op should have considered this before they moved in together.

Part of living together is compromise. I don't agree with the people saying no xbox night but he needs to have some consideration of the person he lives with.

But what if OP decides she wants to go to bed at 9pm? She says in her post she can't sleep if anyone else in the house is awake - so presumably he'd have to go to bed then too?

Rationally, there's not really anything wrong with someone hanging out in the living room once a week playing video games. DH and I often spend evenings apart in different rooms - at the moment I'm downstairs and he's watching a movie in the bedroom.

But if I started a thread saying "DH wants me to come to bed at 9pm on Friday nights because he can't sleep unless everyone else is in bed too" he'd be called controlling and to get over himself. OP needs to get help with her PTSD, not inflict it on her partner.

I’ve not read the whole thread. Because I can see the game snobs have come out in force as I knew they would the second it mentioned a game console in the title.

Full disclosure, I’m a gamer as is my DH. My DH is a game developer and one of the games he has worked on has earned more money than any movie ever has. It’s also not a game aimed at children so all the people who claim “Gaming is for children!” are wrong.

Anyhow one night a week doesn’t sound that bad to me. However if you aren’t a gamer I can see how that would be annoying. I don’t play online and nor does my DH, nor do we play late into the night as the OP describes.

Here's a thought why don't you do something instead of getting pissed off because he's having a great time

Op isn't coming back by the look of it 👀

@vanillandhoney

Part of living together is compromise. I don't agree with the people saying no xbox night but he needs to have some consideration of the person he lives with.

But what if OP decides she wants to go to bed at 9pm? She says in her post she can't sleep if anyone else in the house is awake - so presumably he'd have to go to bed then too?

Rationally, there's not really anything wrong with someone hanging out in the living room once a week playing video games. DH and I often spend evenings apart in different rooms - at the moment I'm downstairs and he's watching a movie in the bedroom.

But if I started a thread saying "DH wants me to come to bed at 9pm on Friday nights because he can't sleep unless everyone else is in bed too" he'd be called controlling and to get over himself. OP needs to get help with her PTSD, not inflict it on her partner.

But that's not the post at hand

You could say what if the OP wanted to strangle a cat. Or any other nonsense

The OP is being made to go to their bedroom early because of his Xbox night and then not able to sleep until past 3 am which is seriously unreasonable