Neighbours - is this a child safety issue or do I keep my beak out?

[njf33]

Neighbours live in a small new build style 2 bed house. Ground floor is effectively all open plan. They have 4 children (mix of boys and girls) - youngest around 5, eldest started secondary school last year so 12, coming up for 13 I guess. All 4 children share a room which personally I don't think is appropriate given the age of the eldest girl who either is or will shortly be going through puberty. They own rather than rent, we're in an expensive area so their house would be worth 350-400k.

More seriously, they leave all their children to play outside all day unsupervised, and have done for years. We're on a busy road (main road out of an estate) which is also a bus route. The youngest child in particular has no road sense and I have seen several near misses where he hasn't looked before running across the road, although none of them are particularly traffic aware. I've had all of them running across my drive while I'm reversing, or just standing on the pavement (my car is quite high up, and it's quite easy for them to end up in my blind spot) and they do this to other neighbours too. They also ride their bikes and electric scooters down the middle of the road again not properly watching for traffic.

I understand children need to play etc however as parents I feel we have a duty to make sure our children can do so safely before allowing them out unsupervised especially on a road where there is a fair amount of passing traffic. As to how I know they are unsupervised, you can't see into the street easily from our houses due to the road layout; occasionally (usually after a near miss) one parent will stand outside in the front garden for an hour or two 'watching' but they normally get bored of that after a day or so and go back inside leaving children to their own devices.

I think there is an issue here - so YANBU - yes, do something or YABU (beak out).

I think maybe report them for the fact that the children all share a room - four kids in one room is wildly inappropriate regardless of their genders and ages.

As for the unsupervised play, these things have a thing of sorting themselves out. Social services won't give a fuck. All you can do is be extremely careful not to be the one that knocks one of them down.

Start reversing onto your drive before you start thinking about reporting people @njf33

@contrmary

All you can do is be extremely careful not to be the one that knocks one of them down.

Exactly! And that starts with driving in a way that allows you the greatest visibility.

I'm sure I'm about to be told that OP's driveway is really narrow, is on a slope, people park way too close to the edge of their dropped kerb so they can't reverse onto it, etc etc...

I think owned is different rules ie sharing a room. As maybe they can’t afford bigger 🤷🏼‍♀️Can’t make someone sell and buy ect.

Also some families all sleep in one room and can’t be homed ect. If you ever watch how to get a council house ect it isn’t easy even tho it isn’t ideal. If the house is owned don’t think there’s the same rules, but not sure.

If a 2 bed is all they can afford to own ( not renting so cannot just move somewhere bigger) what are they supposed to do about the kids sharing a room?

Maybe speak to the neighbour about the road play It sounds like you have been neighbours for a while so should be ok to mention it. Not sure this is social services worthy level of interference before even speaking to them- unless there’s a reason for that?

How do you know they all share a room?
What do you think the issue is anyway? Many children of all ages share rooms.

[quote JuniperFather]@contrmary

All you can do is be extremely careful not to be the one that knocks one of them down.

Exactly! And that starts with driving in a way that allows you the greatest visibility.

I'm sure I'm about to be told that OP's driveway is really narrow, is on a slope, people park way too close to the edge of their dropped kerb so they can't reverse onto it, etc etc...[/quote]
As far as I can see, OP doesn't actually say she's reversing out, she could be reversing in.

It's hardly the point of the thread though is it?

Do you think SS will care that they are sharing a room? Many children in this country are homeless. Living in 1 room with Mum, Dad, brothers and sisters; sharing bathrooms with strangers and no kitchens. Put there by the local authority who deem this acceptable housing. Not being able to give more space is not neglectful the lack of supervision possibly is. But again you say the eldest is 12/13 if the others are 11, 9 and 8 I would say they are old enough to play outside the front of the house but clearly need to be taught/spoken to about what is safe.

@contrmary dont be daft, you cant report them for bedroom sharing. Councils put whole families in one room.

I have 3 siblings, 4 including me. We all used to share a room. There was enough rooms for all of us however we all slept in the same room. just the way my parents wanted it to be. Honestly it wasn't a problem at all in those 15 years.

How do you know they all share a room? I went to school with people who lived in 2 bed houses, with siblings. The parents slept in the livingroom with a fold out bed etc. 2 kids sharing a room each, and the parents in livingroom makes your scenario much more realistic. If you have issue with the road play, speak to the parents about your concerns. Certainly nothing reportable here, as far as I can see. Stop being such a judgey nelly.

I do generally reverse in when I can, however as mentioned I am on a bus route and a busy road, so if there is a bus or other traffic when I am entering my drive, I go in forwards so as not to obstruct the road (as there are also parked cars along the opposite side so traffic can't go round me while I'm manouevring). I then have to reverse out when leaving. However, the tendency to run behind moving cars applies when myself and other neighbours are reversing both onto and off our driveways.

Only on MN. Children as young as 5 left unsupervised by a busy main road, OP rightly concerned about the danger that poses to their lives, and someone comments that the first thing she should do is reverse onto her drive.

Report them because their kids share a bedroom

I am an ex SW and can tell you categorically that the room sharing is a complete non issue. The playing outside is also not a huge issue if the parents are around and generally keeping an eye out for them. Some parents are more lax than others but they don't sound overly negligent.

Yes - they should be supervised more closely!! I'm not sure how you go about making this happen though ..

As for the bedroom situation, I have 3 kids in a 5 bedroom home. They all have their own rooms but choose to sleep in the same room every night!! Their favourite thing to do is put their pillows & blankets on the floor and sleep all together. Sharing a room isn't the end of the world - at least they have a safe, warm & comfortable place to sleep at night!

You shouldn't be reversing into a busy road it's an offense.

In terms of finances, I know that they have lived there for 10+ years and prices have gone up by approx 100k in that time. Both parents are in employment, which does suggest they could afford to move to a larger property in a cheaper area.

I know they all share a room (with 2 sets of bunk beds). The other bedroom which I can see from my house is clearly the parents room. I know of families where 3 or 4 number of same sex siblings share a room (and imo thats fine) , but that isn't the case here.

To be honest, I was more concerned about road safety than the rooms, but both suggest to me a lack of care for the children's welfare.

Don't think this is about the op reversing in and out of her drive. Top marks for missing the point.

Yes the kids are probably in danger. If the parents don't care, why should you?

They may have chosen location over house size. My cousin has 4 children in one room
And the youngest in their room... all very happy and loved

Unsupervised all day is a totally different issue and need addressing

@Rosearch

Only on MN. Children as young as 5 left unsupervised by a busy main road, OP rightly concerned about the danger that poses to their lives, and someone comments that the first thing she should do is reverse onto her drive.

I agree here. I have an almost 5 year old and would never let him play by a busy road unsupervised for even a second. I think having older brothers and sisters does help with the safety I would hope, unfortunately OP I don't think there's much you can do. You have every right to be worried for the children but it is their parents responsibility to teach them about road safety I guess. I wouldn't worry about the bedroom situation. Although it may not seem ideal to you they may be happy with the set up

Thing is, it's not for you to decide how they bring up their kids, it's up to them. And nothing you describe reaches the threshold for neglect.

Mn is obsessed with children having their own rooms. My dc do yet always want weekend sleepovers in each other’s rooms. I’d worry re the main road but in many countries (Germany for example) 5 year olds walk to school on their own. I think it sounds like a cultural difference but the room sharing thing is snobbery. Siblings can share. Every single holiday as a dc db and I shared a hotel room even at 16 and 18. We used the bathroom for changing and didn’t accidentally have sex

If their safety on road is your real issue speak to your local pcso. How do you know about the bunk beds, they could even have subdivided the room for all you know?