Neighbours - is this a child safety issue or do I keep my beak out?

[njf33]

Neighbours live in a small new build style 2 bed house. Ground floor is effectively all open plan. They have 4 children (mix of boys and girls) - youngest around 5, eldest started secondary school last year so 12, coming up for 13 I guess. All 4 children share a room which personally I don't think is appropriate given the age of the eldest girl who either is or will shortly be going through puberty. They own rather than rent, we're in an expensive area so their house would be worth 350-400k.

More seriously, they leave all their children to play outside all day unsupervised, and have done for years. We're on a busy road (main road out of an estate) which is also a bus route. The youngest child in particular has no road sense and I have seen several near misses where he hasn't looked before running across the road, although none of them are particularly traffic aware. I've had all of them running across my drive while I'm reversing, or just standing on the pavement (my car is quite high up, and it's quite easy for them to end up in my blind spot) and they do this to other neighbours too. They also ride their bikes and electric scooters down the middle of the road again not properly watching for traffic.

I understand children need to play etc however as parents I feel we have a duty to make sure our children can do so safely before allowing them out unsupervised especially on a road where there is a fair amount of passing traffic. As to how I know they are unsupervised, you can't see into the street easily from our houses due to the road layout; occasionally (usually after a near miss) one parent will stand outside in the front garden for an hour or two 'watching' but they normally get bored of that after a day or so and go back inside leaving children to their own devices.

I think there is an issue here - so YANBU - yes, do something or YABU (beak out).

How do you know that the kids are in one room? Can you actually see the parents bedroom with them sleeping in it? Or could 2 kids be in a room each and parents on a sofa bed?

Also just because both parents are working they may not be able to afford a new house, DH and I are both working but we’d struggle to afford to upsize

I don't think it's an issue really! the room thing that is. The road safety is a bigger problem but not much you can do only be extra vigilant when driving.

You come across as someone unaware of how their communication and words come across to others. I can imagine it’s 50/50 you and the neighbours rubbing each other up the wrong way. This thread is an example of how you can’t see other points of view or take on board what others are saying which is:
-most of this is a non-issue
-except the road issue
-you are part of the road safety issues

It’s a bit like me starting a thread ‘my neighbours are so rude to me’ and then mentioning I have a bonfire every night- then getting upset when people tell me I’m out of order on the bonfires, instead of not-picking apart comments my neighbours make.

The weak example you give about mum getting cross you talking to her child abruptly with irritation wouldn’t happen to many people, they’d just have called out ‘excuse me please’ politely to the child who had every right to be on the pavement. Again, I speak as someone with a driveway on a main road who often asks people to move.

Just be more unaware how you come across yourself, it’ll be easier

Social services won't be interested.

I doubt SS will get involved if they don't have their own room or if they're street reared. There are some 2 y.o's running the streets unsupervised around here, half the neighbours watch out for the rogue DC their parents don't give a shit.
It is crazy but not against the law.

OP, as I said in my first post I do have sympathy about the dc running in and out of cars but as a SW this doesn't as as other SW have told you meet the threshold for intervention.

Its perfectly normal for teenagers to share rooms and there is nothing whatever illegal about 4 kids in one room.

I'as also prefectly normal for children to play outside their own home without parental supervision.

I was going to say the bedroom sharing is a non issue but the road safety (or lack of it) needs reporting, but I see the thread has run on ages with this debate, and that you are going to do that already!

Do you happen to have an SUV OP? Funny that... An SUV being 'high up', so easy to miss a child you might jst roll over....

This post just reads nasty. Like you want rid of these problem children to a house with more bedrooms (presumably in an area you think more keeping with their socio economic status), away from you lest you roll over one of them in your big modern car.

Don't really get a sense that you are AT ALL worried about the welfare of these kids.

I think it might be an idea to have a word with them in a non accusatory manner about their youngest child's lack of road safety skills.... but yabu unteasonable about the bedroom situation and need to back off.. also the being outside alot situation... nothing good ever comes of interfering over slight difference in parenting standards/ideas... and thats what these are really

@BeardyButton

Do you happen to have an SUV OP? Funny that... An SUV being 'high up', so easy to miss a child you might jst roll over....

This post just reads nasty. Like you want rid of these problem children to a house with more bedrooms (presumably in an area you think more keeping with their socio economic status), away from you lest you roll over one of them in your big modern car.

Don't really get a sense that you are AT ALL worried about the welfare of these kids.

This

and don't report to ss, they arent going to do anything except possibly ring up, and they may not even do that tbh... have a word yoursef with them, in a polite non hostile manner like 'im not sure you're aware but one of your children has had a few near mises with cars in the last few weeks, I just wanted to let you know so you can maybe have a road safety talk with him or something'

I’m usually the first to say report
But this sounds like poverty more than anything else
Why on earth report the room sharing ? What’s going to happen ? Social services magic them up a bigger house !?

I thin kthe reason you raise the room issue is because you look down on them and don't think they should be living in your 'naice' area - why won't these plebs move to a cheaper area more in keeping with their station? Reeks of snobbery tbh.

That's exactly the same impression that I got. Then I Op thinks they should move to a bigger house in a cheaper area away from her nice quiet area.

You are allowed to reverse from a driveway into a main road. It's better not to, but it's not an offence.

https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/using-the-road-reversing.html

fwiw theseneighbours have a newer (and far larger) car than I do. But please continue to fashion your own narrative around how I am rich and snobbish.

I will not speak to them directly. As a female living alone I would be concerned about intimidation. Both parents are overly aggressive in their manner and feeling safe and secure in my own home is very important to me.

I have been planning to relocate however due to Covid 19 our jobs are likely to be placed at risk early next year, and so I need to wait to see the outcome of that through. Realistically I won't now be moving for 12-18 months.

@njf33

fwiw theseneighbours have a newer (and far larger) car than I do. But please continue to fashion your own narrative around how I am rich and snobbish.

I will not speak to them directly. As a female living alone I would be concerned about intimidation. Both parents are overly aggressive in their manner and feeling safe and secure in my own home is very important to me.

That I understand very well.

I hadn't thought you were rich or snobbish, neither occurred to me, but you do snoop in bedrooms and that's not on.

You're right about the children playing out in the street.

OP - why did you view your neighbours house 10 years ago, when it was on the market? Were you house hunting and seriously considering selling your house and buying the neighbouring house or were you just being nosy?

You are also complaining that the kids are unsupervised but then complained that the mother was present when (by your own admission) you irritably told her child to move whilst on the pavement because you wanted to drive over it to access your driveway. You also make reference to the parents actively supervising their children by spending several hours outside.

It doesn't read that they are deliberately trying to harm you but you, on the other hand, clearly have it in for them. If they did rent you would clearly try to have them evicted, you have admitted that you want them to move but as they have as much right as you, want to subject them to the stress of a vindictive report to SS with no grounds.

SS are not your private police service. They exist to protect vulnerable children not over-controlling busybody neighbours. You seem to be on a moral par with a hoax 999 caller unable to distinguish their own petty concerns with real issues.

Stop playing the victim. Obviously your neighbours would have a larger car - they have to fit their whole family (6) in but your car only has to accommodate 1. Do the math

@njf33

fwiw theseneighbours have a newer (and far larger) car than I do. But please continue to fashion your own narrative around how I am rich and snobbish.

I will not speak to them directly. As a female living alone I would be concerned about intimidation. Both parents are overly aggressive in their manner and feeling safe and secure in my own home is very important to me.

This is far more serious and far likely to result in their injury than them obstructing our driveway or the path of our vehicles, because our cars when manouevring are moving at a fraction of the speed of those cars on the road!

You live alone but talk about ‘our cars’ and ‘our driveway’?

@Rosearch

Only on MN. Children as young as 5 left unsupervised by a busy main road, OP rightly concerned about the danger that poses to their lives, and someone comments that the first thing she should do is reverse onto her drive.

Absolutely! I'm stunned by some of the responses.

KeepOnKeepingOnAgainandAgain I was considering purchasing the house next door (when a new build) as a buy to let investment. However I wasn't sure that being a landlord was for me, especially living next door, and with subsequent changes in BTL mortgages, I think I made the right decision.

Yes on one occasion when I was reversing onto the drive the mother happened to be there. However she was unloading something from her car (shopping I think) so firstly that was pure coincidence she was there, she wasn't watching him play out and secondly she wasn't even supervising him because if she had been, she would have told him to get off my drive/out of the way before I had to!

Clearly you feel they are wonderful loving parents encouraging their children to freely express themselves by regularly running into the path of moving vehicles. How remiss of me to think that a parent should be ensuring their children are safe.

So it's ok for them to drive a massive SUV, but any car I drive has to be as small as possible?

Seriously some people who respond on here are clearly just spoiling for a fight!

I said in my OP that the kids often get in the way of other neighbours - when referring to our vehicles/ our driveway(s), I was including those others in the street in that. Sorry I didn't make that clear and a missing S from one word has got you Miss Marples going. For the record I only have 1 car. And 1 driveway :)

I said in my OP that the kids often get in the way of other neighbours - when referring to our vehicles/ our driveway(s), I was including those others in the street in that. Sorry I didn't make that clear and a missing S from one word has got you Miss Marples going. For the record I only have 1 car. And 1 driveway

Of course you were

Still, hopefully you’ll run one of them over. That’ll show them!