Neighbours - is this a child safety issue or do I keep my beak out?

[njf33]

Neighbours live in a small new build style 2 bed house. Ground floor is effectively all open plan. They have 4 children (mix of boys and girls) - youngest around 5, eldest started secondary school last year so 12, coming up for 13 I guess. All 4 children share a room which personally I don't think is appropriate given the age of the eldest girl who either is or will shortly be going through puberty. They own rather than rent, we're in an expensive area so their house would be worth 350-400k.

More seriously, they leave all their children to play outside all day unsupervised, and have done for years. We're on a busy road (main road out of an estate) which is also a bus route. The youngest child in particular has no road sense and I have seen several near misses where he hasn't looked before running across the road, although none of them are particularly traffic aware. I've had all of them running across my drive while I'm reversing, or just standing on the pavement (my car is quite high up, and it's quite easy for them to end up in my blind spot) and they do this to other neighbours too. They also ride their bikes and electric scooters down the middle of the road again not properly watching for traffic.

I understand children need to play etc however as parents I feel we have a duty to make sure our children can do so safely before allowing them out unsupervised especially on a road where there is a fair amount of passing traffic. As to how I know they are unsupervised, you can't see into the street easily from our houses due to the road layout; occasionally (usually after a near miss) one parent will stand outside in the front garden for an hour or two 'watching' but they normally get bored of that after a day or so and go back inside leaving children to their own devices.

I think there is an issue here - so YANBU - yes, do something or YABU (beak out).

@WaltzfortheMars

If you are so worried, enough to post a thread, why not do anything? You said you won't talk to the parents because they are rude and unpleasant. But most of parents care for their children, so if they are in danger, their parents would listen to you, don't they?

Given the example I posted of the mother's reaction, do you really think they would respond positively to me speaking to them directly about how their children cross the road?!

Unfortunately I think I'd get a barrage of abuse at best. And nothing would change. Which is partly why I haven't spoken directly to them before now. If they were reasonable people then of course I would, however if they were reasonable then they wouldn't be taking these risks with their children's safety.

"Report them because their kids share a bedroom"

Yes, report everyone who can't afford more bedrooms
.... or maybe keep your beak out

I’m sitting in my dining room right now while my dc are out on their scooters on the road (we’re at the bottom of a quiet cul de sac). A learner driver neighbour just came down the road to the turning circle and dc moved onto the pavement. Anyone watching would say they’re unsupervised but I can see them the whole time

Why @njf33 are you "concerned" about the bedroom allocation?

Have you explained this clearly yet?

As a driver, you are resposible for being observant and driving slowly enough not to hit anyone, of any age
If there are pedestrians too near, then you stop and wait until it is safe again

I viewed their house before they bought it - I therefore know how much it cost, and the layout. The parent's room faces mine, I don't go peering through it.

And in any event, as I have made clear my real concern was the risks of them being on the road, of one or more of them getting hit by a vehicle, be that a car, bus, van, motorbike or whatever.

*In terms of finances, I know that they have lived there for 10+ years and prices have gone up by approx 100k in that time. Both parents are in employment, which does suggest they could afford to move to a larger property in a cheaper area.

I know they all share a room (with 2 sets of bunk beds). The other bedroom which I can see from my house is clearly the parents room. I know of families where 3 or 4 number of same sex siblings share a room (and imo thats fine) , but that isn't the case here.*

Oh my, you know their finances inside and out and think they need to move to a bigger house somewhere else... you can also see into their house and know their sleeping arrangements? I'm just thankful you aren't my neighbour.

Keep your nose out. If there are kids playing outside and you can't see behind your car you need a reversing camera. We have a high car and it comes as standard it has sensors too, we live on an estate where children play out all the time. I'm sure if you can afford a 400k house you can afford a rear view camera? Maybe buy a new car even, ours switches on when you put it in reverse, it's great.

And in any event, as I have made clear my real concern was the risks of them being on the road, of one or more of them getting hit by a vehicle, be that a car, bus, van, motorbike or whatever.

Or someone who reverses out into traffic on a busy road with buses and motorbikes knowing they have a high car and blind spot 😂

@m0therofdragons

I’m sitting in my dining room right now while my dc are out on their scooters on the road (we’re at the bottom of a quiet cul de sac). A learner driver neighbour just came down the road to the turning circle and dc moved onto the pavement. Anyone watching would say they’re unsupervised but I can see them the whole time

That seems fine. However these children can't be seen from the house due to the road layout, only if they are immediately in front of the house, which they rarely are, and we don't live on a quiet cul de sac.

Well if you bought about the sant time @njf33 , you've also made a profit?

You move to somewhere very isolated, away from neighbours and busy roads?

How about that to solve the issue?

@njf33

I viewed their house before they bought it - I therefore know how much it cost, and the layout. The parent's room faces mine, I don't go peering through it.

And in any event, as I have made clear my real concern was the risks of them being on the road, of one or more of them getting hit by a vehicle, be that a car, bus, van, motorbike or whatever.

Hang on a minute, I don't understand. Why row backwards, when your OP is at the top of the page?

You said:

All 4 children share a room which personally I don't think is appropriate given the age of the eldest girl who either is or will shortly be going through puberty.

That's fine, it's just not only a concern about them being on the road, that's a clear judgement and concern around their living conditions.

Nothing wrong with it, just don't understand the minimising - i presume it's due to the weight of criticism on this thread.

For concerns about the children playing out unsupervised near the road yes definitely report

Sounds like you're more pissed off that they trespass on your driveway rather than any safety concerns.

Can't stand these posts that are faux concern when really the OP was secretly hoping that everyone would agree with her stance that the kids are neglected etc...and are really just inviting comments on how crap the family are so OP can go off and feel vindicated in her beliefs.

Hasn't happened - so more comments about about how they won't take positively to a chat about it...
Either report to the appropriate authorities or tell em to "get up their own end"

That'll learn em.

The bedrooms thing wouldn't bother me so much. Ex dp grew up in a 3 bed house, one of 6 kids. 4 of them shared. The road safety thing would concern me more, I think I would speak directly to the kids or their parents about being road wise in a friendly way rather than reporting them.

@NoGinNotComingIn

*In terms of finances, I know that they have lived there for 10+ years and prices have gone up by approx 100k in that time. Both parents are in employment, which does suggest they could afford to move to a larger property in a cheaper area.

I know they all share a room (with 2 sets of bunk beds). The other bedroom which I can see from my house is clearly the parents room. I know of families where 3 or 4 number of same sex siblings share a room (and imo thats fine) , but that isn't the case here.*

Oh my, you know their finances inside and out and think they need to move to a bigger house somewhere else... you can also see into their house and know their sleeping arrangements? I'm just thankful you aren't my neighbour.

Keep your nose out. If there are kids playing outside and you can't see behind your car you need a reversing camera. We have a high car and it comes as standard it has sensors too, we live on an estate where children play out all the time. I'm sure if you can afford a 400k house you can afford a rear view camera? Maybe buy a new car even, ours switches on when you put it in reverse, it's great.

If you read my posts, you'll see I DO have a car with a reversing camera. And parking sensors.

Some posters with their own rather odd agenda or difficulties in comprehension seem to have set out to derail this into a debate about how I access my drive. The far greater issue is when they run across the road in front of moving cars without checking. This is far more serious and far likely to result in their injury than them obstructing our driveway or the path of our vehicles, because our cars when manouevring are moving at a fraction of the speed of those cars on the road!

If you think there is a serious concern about these children and their safety then do whatever you can to keep the, safe.

because our cars when manouevring are moving at a fraction of the speed of those cars on the road!

The cars on the road you reverse out into? Those cars? Again, maybe have a wee think about doing a top-up driving lesson or two, sounds like that would be more useful than spying on your neighbours kids when they sleep.

Imagine living in a world where a few people on this actual thread thought they could/should report a family for the children sleeping in 1 bedroom.

For a start report to who? The family own the home. Social services would howl in laughter at such a report. Maybe not to your face but boy it would give a good chuckle over a cuppa. I'm guessing the children aren't chained to their beds so that's the police out.

juniperfather I think the parents are feckless and neglect the children by leaving them to roam the streets failing to ensure they are safe in crossing the road or to supervise them properly.

The risk of injury on the road is my main concern. I made that clear in my OP.

The fact they all share a room when taken together with the above to me feels again like the parents are not addressing the children's needs. Teenagers need some privacy in my view and this feels wrong to me, but it wasn't my primary concern. And absent the road safety issue, whilst it wouldn't be my choice, it's not something I would think of as report worthy, just a difference in priorities.

That said I have seen on MN over the years that not providing a hot meal, vaccuming weekly or not having curtains is considered neglectful and could result in SS involvement - not necessarily things I would agree with, but there you go.

Only on MN. Children as young as 5 left unsupervised by a busy main road, OP rightly concerned about the danger that poses to their lives, and someone comments that the first thing she should do is reverse onto her drive

This. Don't talk about the room sharing thing, it's not ideal but will not be a major flag for ss, it's not great but there is a housing shortage, could be 2 kids in one room, 2 in another, parents on a sofa bed etc. However an unsupervised 5 year old should at least trigger a visit and let them make their own assesment on suitable living spaces etc.

The bedroom thing isn't an issue, yes ideally the dc entering puberty would have her own space but parents may value access to good schools more as an possibility.
The dc running around also isn't a social services issue but I do understand your frustrations.
We have very similar dc in our street, parents are behaving as though they live in the suburbs not an urban area.
Because we live in the street we know to keep an eagle eye out for them but other drivers won't and eventually there will be an accident.
The parents solution in our case is to put a little sign out of a small child rather than actually stay and monitor their dc.
(I do always reverse into my garage)

If the road is residential and as busy as you say, have you and the other residents campaigned for traffic calming measures? If not why not? It would slow the traffic down, giving you enough time to reverse into your drive and also it would be less risky for the children and other residents.

It's a bit worrying how much you know about your neighbours - how much they earn, where they sleep, how their bedroom furniture is arranged. It sounds very much as if you want them to sell up and move to a less desirable area, taking their supposedly feral children with them, leaving you in peace, to reverse out of your drive without the risk of running over a 5yo.

If you genuinely think the children are at risk, contact social services.

You actually peer into your neighbours' bedrooms from your house, so much that you see details like bunk beds? I'd be horrified if anyone did that to me and I would never do it, I don't even look into back gardens. That is outrageously nosy.

The people may be considering a move being as their eldest is now about twelve or perhaps building an extension. These things take time and money; when they moved into the house they didn't have four children and quite possibly didn't plan to have.

My biggest concern would be children playing out in the street, especially small ones. I wouldn't live somewhere that children did that, I've never seen it around here. Back gardens and the park or going out on bikes are for playing, or indoors if the weather is bad, but not roads and pavements. I honestly don't know what you can do about that and I expect you are not the only one who doesn't like it.

I imagine the eldest will soon be bored with playing out with her younger siblings and without her to supervise, the parents may become more responsible. We live in hope.

craggymaggie Please point me to where I've said what the parents earn!

I've said they both work. Not what they earn.

I know what their house cost because I viewed it myself. I know what it's worth because an identical one in the road has recently sold. None of that is secret information!

The fact that voting on this thread is almost split 50/50 does make me believe I was right to be concerned over the road safety issue which I will report. I won't mention any other concerns.