AIBU to not tell him I'm on my period

[DinoRavager]

I have a casual relationship. We meet up roughly every couple of weeks, go for dinner and go back to mine or his. We have a good friendship and enjoy each other's company, but it's not serious and we don't really talk in between meeting up.

I usually cancel if my period is heavy but if my period is light/medium, I just use a menstrual sponge and get on with things. I've never mentioned it to my casual and he doesn't know. It's never leaked or been a problem. If he did ask why I never seem to have a period I'd probably tell him, but I don't think it matters. He doesn't ask, I don't tell.

I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's unfair to have sex with him whilst on my period without his consent. I don't think my period is any of his business and if it makes no difference, he doesn't need to know.

YABU - He should know I'm on my period
YANBU - It's not his business

To be honest, if you can tell him in a light-hearted / joking way then it's an easy way to gauge who he is as a person. It doesn't have to be a serious sit-down conversation, but (just in case) it might spare some embarrassment in case anything comes up in the future. Plus, if he's immature about it then that's good to know now before you keep seeing him! x

Righto.

If he can't tell, then it makes no difference to him and he doesn't need to know. If there's blood everywhere and you won't say why, then obviously that's weird and unreasonable.

You never know, he could be a menophiliac

I'm intrigued about this sponge! I use a mooncup but my OH would get a sharp surprise if I used that during sex 😂 going to Google this sponge!

But I would just say to him you have periods but use a device to stop it in its tracks so it doesn't impact on sex, he must be quite OK with discussing it if he asked

Okey dokey.

Thank you for sharing.

So he’s giving you oral while your on? Bit grim and yes he should know.

Wondering how he doesn't feel the sponge???

I’m pretty sure sex with the sponge isn’t advised

I wouldn’t have sex with someone I couldn’t talk to about basic biological issues tbh.

I think if there's likely to be any oral involved then telling him is the decent thing to do, but other than that, there's no need surely?!

When I was younger I'd have been the same, but these days it's either absent or a bloody blood bath. There's no keeping it neatly tucked away these days!

I use the beppy sponges in the same way OP, I really can't see why you need his consent 🤔

And for those asking, my DH doesn't notice much difference with the sponge.... Its getting the fucker out that can be tricky.

How does he not notice the sponge?!

I can't imagine how this exact topic would come up with friends tbh. And my friends and I are very frank open people.

Doesn't the sponge get in the way?

Have you ever talked to him about swx on your period and how he would feel about it?

I don't think it's equivalent to, eg surreptitiously removing a condom or whatever, but if there's a chance you might leak then I'd rather earn him and put a towel down than have a shock and he thinks he's injured you.

Did ye aye

Wtf

Beppy sponges. Someone actually recommended then on here a few months ago and I’ve not looked back. You can’t feel then - they sit right at the cervix wall (maybe TMI). They are safe to use during sex as long as you change them afterwards.
Outside of sex, I do use them sometimes as they are really comfortable.

Only asking because my friend insisted he needs to know. I don’t think he does.

Totally unhelpful comment but I can’t get my head around people having sex when they’re on their period. I honestly couldn’t think of anything I would rather do less then have sex while I’m bleeding.
Can’t you just say ‘I’m on my period but if you don’t mind I don’t’.

@EatsShootsAndRuns

I can't imagine how this exact topic would come up with friends tbh. And my friends and I are very frank open people.

I was rummaging in my bag looking for something and they asked what the packet was. But we are very open and friends and definitely over share. I think lots of people talk about similar things when out drinking with friends.

@Palavah

Doesn't the sponge get in the way?

Have you ever talked to him about swx on your period and how he would feel about it?

I don't think it's equivalent to, eg surreptitiously removing a condom or whatever, but if there's a chance you might leak then I'd rather earn him and put a towel down than have a shock and he thinks he's injured you.

That’s a fair point. I do get my period once whilst I was there (after sex) but in his bed. He just said ‘don’t worry, these things happen’ and that was that.

That was before the discovery of the sponges though so it’s not really come up again since.

Use a condom. If the problem is blood contact?
I mean you should be using a condom with a casual anyway tbh!

OP is he performing oral on you? If he is then he absolutely has a right to know and you should tell him.

I wouldn't think to tell the bloke I'm seeing that I've got my period, and I use a similar set up (diaghphram for birth control, but use during period to ensure no blood).
Pre-diaghphram I did tell him, just to we could contain the mess, the first time he was a bit surprised, but was happy if I was happy.