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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not tell him I'm on my period

352 replies

DinoRavager · 12/08/2020 16:19

I have a casual relationship. We meet up roughly every couple of weeks, go for dinner and go back to mine or his. We have a good friendship and enjoy each other's company, but it's not serious and we don't really talk in between meeting up.

I usually cancel if my period is heavy but if my period is light/medium, I just use a menstrual sponge and get on with things. I've never mentioned it to my casual and he doesn't know. It's never leaked or been a problem. If he did ask why I never seem to have a period I'd probably tell him, but I don't think it matters. He doesn't ask, I don't tell.

I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's unfair to have sex with him whilst on my period without his consent. I don't think my period is any of his business and if it makes no difference, he doesn't need to know.

YABU - He should know I'm on my period
YANBU - It's not his business

OP posts:

Original poster

DinoRavager · 12/08/2020 17:30

We are using a condom. I didn’t say we haven’t been using one.

OP posts:

schmalex · 12/08/2020 17:33

Wow, never heard of Beppy sponges before. They look great!
But I don't think he needs to know. If he can't tell and the sponge doesn't leak then why does it matter?

bigcatlittlecatcardboardbox · 12/08/2020 17:35

@EatsShootsAndRuns I mean my friends and I talk about this kind of thing all the time. Better periods be a normal topic of conversation than hidden away and made into something taboo...it's literally just a normal bodily function.

Staffy1 · 12/08/2020 17:36

Ew...I would just cancel whether heavy or light.

qwertyuiop098 · 12/08/2020 17:39

To all the prudish people leaving passive-agressive replies: get over it! This is a forum predominantly for women to discuss life issues, and it’s not just for those in committed relationships, those who are celibate, or those who are weirdly uptight and old fashioned about basic bodily functions/sex. Go back to the 50s, you’ll fit right in.

2bazookas · 12/08/2020 17:39

You should tell him when you have a period for safe-sex reasons.

During a period there is a higher risk of infectious diseases that are transmissible in blood. (STIs. HIV, hepatitis C). So, condom essential, and he should not give you oral sex.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 12/08/2020 17:40

I'd just ask if he minded or not. I can't imagine not being ok with speaking about something totally natural but being ok with the sticking their dick in me 😂

Jussayingisall · 12/08/2020 17:42

If you are genuine and not hairy handed. From a male point of view, I think you should tell or just not have sex. I personally just don't like it and I know some people do and that's fine but if I saw any blood it wouldn't be nice.

Staffy1 · 12/08/2020 17:43

@qwertyuiop098

Erm...it's a post asking for opinions. It's for everyone, even those that don't agree, be they prudish, celibate, etc.

DeeTractor · 12/08/2020 17:45

"To all the prudish people leaving passive-agressive replies: get over it! This is a forum predominantly for women to discuss life issues, and it’s not just for those in committed relationships, those who are celibate, or those who are weirdly uptight and old fashioned about basic bodily functions/sex. Go back to the 50s, you’ll fit right in."

And there's absolutely no history of trolls posting weird topics like this hoping to get a load of replies from women sharing period stories for kicks. That is definitely not a thing that has ever happened here.

DopamineHits · 12/08/2020 17:47

I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's unfair to have sex with him whilst on my period without his consent.

That is really weird.

And are some men that squeamish? Most of us are bleeding for a week every month. We're bleeding for 12 weeks a year And not to mention all the conditions that can cause bleeding during/after sex. If a man can't handle the thought that he may come into contact with a bit of blood, he may be more comfortable limited to his hand.

CandleWick4 · 12/08/2020 17:48

@qwertyuiop098

What are you talking about?? If you mean me not wanting to have sex when I’m bleeding, I’m not sure what is prudish about that and if you read my comment I actually suggested telling the man she’s sleeping with she’s on her period and asking if he minded. Again nothing prudish or passive aggressive.

CherryValanc · 12/08/2020 17:48

I'm intrigued to know how he wouldn't notice (during sex- not in general).

whatnow41 · 12/08/2020 17:52

I use a Beppy sponge they really are great. And to all those who say he should know if he's performing oral - why? Assuming OP puts the sponge in, then has a shower, I can't see a problem at all.

whatnow41 · 12/08/2020 17:54

@CherryValanc

I'm intrigued to know how he wouldn't notice (during sex- not in general).

The sponge is dead squashy and to a guy it just makes you feel a little more 'tight'. I was with someone very well endowed and for me it helped protect my cervix and stopped that painful 'smashing the cervix' experience.

Sunrise234 · 12/08/2020 17:55

I have had sex on my period a few times and it is not too bad when I am light but seeing as it's a casual relationship I would just meet him a couple of days later and then you don't have to worry about telling him if you were on your period or not.

Ilovesandwiches · 12/08/2020 17:58

Really can’t see why he needs to know!

ComputersaysRAVE · 12/08/2020 18:04

I dont see why you should have to disclose it ???

Hes a big boy and if youre using the sponge then there isn't any contact with blood anyway....

If there is, its not like you have any diseases (if you did i doubt this would be happening)

MoreListeningLessChatting · 12/08/2020 18:10

Condom for such a casual arrangement. Therefore does it matter since no blood contact?

Probably condom for more committed relationship until you have established history/any sexually transmitted diseases anyway.

GarlicSoup · 12/08/2020 18:12

@WearyandBleary

I wouldn’t have sex with someone I couldn’t talk to about basic biological issues tbh.

^ This

sunflowersandtulips50 · 12/08/2020 18:13

2bazookas totally agree

JadesRollerDisco · 12/08/2020 18:15

How does the sponge not get stuck?

Original poster

DinoRavager · 12/08/2020 18:17

I like to use the sponges because there is zero mess. Yes, he does give oral and but not sure what the difference is tbh. I’m not any less clean because I have a period. My ex was always happy to go down on me using my mooncup and could never tell the difference (obviously other than me telling him so don’t use fingers, etc).

I’m quite well practised with the sponges now. I’ve tried them on heavier bleeds (alone, at home), and I know they aren’t suitable. They are great for lighter periods and really do the job - so I wouldn’t go for it if I suspected a leak, but of course accidents could happen.

(Not hairy handed btw - long time user with NC. Just genuinely interested as it hadn’t crossed my mind to inform him before).

OP posts:

NYMM · 12/08/2020 18:21

I'm just intrigued that a person you're sharing your body with isn't entitled to know you're on your period

But it's your body, your period and your choice.

ramarama · 12/08/2020 18:25

I don't think he needs to know.
Men know women have periods, so if he ever does come into contact with some leaked blood then surely he'd think that par for the course in a semi-regular sexual relationship? I doubt he thinks you're a cyborg He probably just thinks so far you've been really lucky to avoid any heavy days.

Personally I tend to use men's tolerance of occasional menstrual blood as a fairly accurate guide to how grown up they are

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