AIBU to not tell him I'm on my period

[DinoRavager]

I have a casual relationship. We meet up roughly every couple of weeks, go for dinner and go back to mine or his. We have a good friendship and enjoy each other's company, but it's not serious and we don't really talk in between meeting up.

I usually cancel if my period is heavy but if my period is light/medium, I just use a menstrual sponge and get on with things. I've never mentioned it to my casual and he doesn't know. It's never leaked or been a problem. If he did ask why I never seem to have a period I'd probably tell him, but I don't think it matters. He doesn't ask, I don't tell.

I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's unfair to have sex with him whilst on my period without his consent. I don't think my period is any of his business and if it makes no difference, he doesn't need to know.

YABU - He should know I'm on my period
YANBU - It's not his business

How on earth is it a consent issue? Surely he knows how vagina's work and he's aware that sometimes they have blood in them? Putting your dick into a normal, functioning vagina is consent enough, surely?

I have a new fb. He suggested meeting at the weekend I said yes but I'm on my period i dont care if you dont. He said I would rather wait a few days as I want to go down on you so I'm seeing him tomorrow.
Just tell him. What's the big deal.

To people saying why tell him. Because people shouldn’t be tricked into doing anything they don’t want to in bed. If a person is turned off by the idea of having sex when one of them has a period that’s ok isn’t it? The fact that the OPs partner hasn’t twigged yet doesn’t mean it might not happen at some point in the future, ( change in flow, sponge moves etc. ) so isn’t it best to deal with that upfront. Pardon the pun.

Also , it gives him the chance to react and discuss with his partner.

“ I’d rather wait if that’s ok” is very different from running wrenching at the very thought that women bleed.

Is he giving you oral or using his fingers whilst you're on? If so then yes I think you should tell him.
If it's just p in v then it's your choice. But given its casual I don't see why you wouldn't just mention it anyway just incase you were to leak or anything.

Personally I tend to use men's tolerance of occasional menstrual blood as a fairly accurate guide to how grown up they are

But they are allowed to express a preference surely? My DH isn’t bothered but I’m the one that finds it a huge turn off. Does that make me less of a grown up?

I don't think you need to tell him ? Can't understand why you need to if it's casual and hardly noticeable to him.

I can hardly believe the OP has posted this.

@bevelino

I can hardly believe the OP has posted this.

Why? Is sex a contentious thing to discuss with other women? Are periods?

Op,your body,your choice.you have defended your choice not to tell him all the way,so why have you asked?

Of course you tell him if he’s giving you oral. Even with a sponge there’s a small chance or leaking/infection risk. If this was the other way around with genders and you were putting someone at risk you would get very different responses.

Even women wearing sanitary protection test positive on a urine dipstick at the doctors for a urine infection as it does get places you don’t expect.

Your body your choice, but the same applies to your partner.

Some women don't like the idea sex or receiving oral sex while they are menstruating. Some men don't mind at all.

Some women love sex and receiving oral while menstruating, some men don't like it.

Nobody is right or wrong but I kind of think both should be honest with each other. It's your choice to choose to receive oral sex while menstruating but I think you should make sure your partner is ok with it too. If he isn't, that's fine too.

I think you need to ask his consent as there’s a higher std risk. I’d casually mention it to him.

Nothing wrong with using one if it makes you feel comfortable. Also nothing wrong with putting a towel down and saving on money/ plastic/ planning.

@bevelino

Ha ha I thought the same. Is this peak mumsnet lol?

if he is happy having sex with you why is your period any of his business

Is sex a contentious thing to discuss with other women?

No, but that's why there's a sex topic, as all long term users know. People who post sex/bodily function topics under a username with no history read as pretty dodgy.

I personally don't like having sex when I'm on my period at all. Fair play if you don't mind but I think I would still tell him.

Oh God don’t tell me this is another thread that’s getting zapped and I’ve fallen for it again! That would make the fourth one in two days. I’m losing it...

I wouldn’t tell him, but then I also wouldn’t use the sponge and would just go for it anyway. Anyone who gets weird about it wouldn’t be someone I’d want to date.

I doubt it’s getting zapped. Regardless of the responses, it’s genuine. I’ve done it a couple of times and I’ve not considered it a problem. It’s only after the conversation with my friend that I considered that I’m supposed to disclose it.

And here is the crux, I suppose. Anything else going on with my body that is non-communicable I wouldn’t share. If I have a mild stomach ache or headache, but think I could get on with things, I would tell him. I can get on with a light period without him knowing. But if I’m honest, it doesn’t even cross my mind once I’m there. Sponge is in, I go round and it’s not even a passing thought now I’m used to it. They don’t leak if you know your own flow.

Sure, the risk of STDs during oral may be higher - but he’s the only person I have sex with so it wouldn’t be coming from me.

If he isn't bothered then don't worry about it... If he is you have a couple of other places to use... Whatever floats your boat!

Fucking grim then

I'm not sure it's a "you simply MUST tell him..." scenario. It isn't something contagious!

I just don't see why you wouldn't personally? I mean, either it bothers him or it doesn't. If it doesn't, then great. If it does, then you don't have sex while you have your period and at least he knows. I'd rather know if it bothered him, so I'd probably tell him.

@MrsGrindah

Fucking grim then

What exactly that I said is grim?

Exactly @MrsGrindah - what is grim about the OP's posts?

I think she asks a fair question, there's no suggestion she's not genuine.

Really not getting the issue done posters are having here.