Friend won't meet with me because I don't have kids ..aibu ?

[notonmylife]

Hi I'm 35 and always wanted children but unfortunately never happened.
Been friends with my friend for 22 years (school friend) she means the world to me and were "best" friends.
We still text every week and she will ring me but she never wants to meet up anymore because I don't have children.
Her eldest is 7 and youngest nearly 1.
She doesn't have anyone to babysit so she has them every day /night.
I've asked her if she wants to meet up with kids obviously.
I've suggested going for lunch with soft play for kids/wildlife parks/beach/parks for picnics/cinema (kids movies ) etc etc
This is what she said to me
"I just want to stick to meeting friends who have Kids as "eldest" would be bored otherwise.
Last year she asked me to organise her baby shower and I sorted the venue/guests /food etc but I'm not invited to his 1st birthday.

I always wanted kids.
I love my friend like a sister and would love to be in her kids life too.
It's sad that she doesn't want to meet up.
She rang this morning for a chat,she was off to the beach with a friend (who has a 3 year old)

I'm so sad all the time.
Aibu to think we can still meet up in some capacity?

Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids

I echo everyone else who says that this is NOT how it is. I do have friends who don't have children and who, when my children were little, would rather not have wanted to meet me with children (mine are late teens now so different dynamic and that's in the past). That was fair enough as children weren't their thing. But your "friend" is being very hurtful, insensitive and very silly. I haven't RTFT so this may have been said but I wonder if she has some problem with her children or child, maybe a behavioural issue and she's embarrassed or thinks you'll judge her or feels she can't cope in some way or that her mum friends are actually quite boring or won't mix with you....I'm clutching at straws here but it's so ridiculous that I wonder if there's a reason that isn't about you at all.

Would you be prepared to be up front with her and say "you've really hurt my feelings, I love children and I love your company and I really don't understand you're stance - can you explain it?" What she says next will probably tell you whether she's got some kind of hang up or whether she's actually just a using bitch - some times old friendships do run their course sadly.

I've got two children and I much prefer going out with the ones with no children lol. It's so nice to have conversations about things other than children, in fact my preference is to meet up with friends sans children and yet I seriously love my boys. I think your friend is very unkind to treat you that way. You sound lovely and a true friend. Organising a baby shower? I would be proud to have a friend like you. I would maybe just distance yourself from your friend, you sound like a lovely person, too good to be treated like that

Unless there is some backstory she sounds bonkers! Her message to you isn't very nice either. My closest friend never had kids although she wanted them, but she was a fab "aunty" to many, including my own. Of course you can meet up with a friend who doesn't have kids! Makes zero sense to me.

How awful. My friends with kids always made me feel totally welcome and i loved helping out and playing with them in the park as im a big kid myself!
And now im finally expecting i would never ever cut a friend off in that way. Obviously my clubbing days are over, i wouldn't want to go and do that with friends (thats just me i know many do and i dont judge that, i just cba lol) but anyone i loved would be welcome to join me!
She sounds horrible and ungrateful. Dont waste any more time with her.

As everyone else has said, its not you, it her.

Some people become arseholes after having kids. I had a friend who dumped her best friend, who saw her through her wedding plans, supported her at the death of her father, but my friend actually told her she was dumping her best friend as her friend was not interactive enough with her baby.

I don't get it. I really value my child-free frends. I also, before kids, spent three boring years with a friend who had no other conversation other than her daughter, because she was my friend, this was important to her, and I hoped she would eventually expand other subjects again (she did).

Your friend is rubbish.

Thanks everyone you've all been really nice when I was feeling a bit blah
I'm going to stick with my other friends.
You know what I don't understand why we couldn't meet up today and have lunch with the kids.
Surely her son would want to eat lunch at some point.
Or even go to the beach it's red hot.
Anyway you can't change things so it's a case of getting on with it.

I'm 37, would love children but it has never happened and probably won't now. I had the same thing with a friend from school. It's awful, it makes me feel even more lonely and an outsider than I do already. Nearly all of my friends are married with children and nearly all of them have dropped me and prefer to meet up with other couples and meet up with children.

OP you sound like an amazing friend, you are happy to meet when she has her children and have offered children friendly activities, you are making all of the effort, and not only is she not making any; she's actually being extremely rude about it. If that's how she feels then fine, I can't relate as I love seeing my friends, with, without children, but cut your losses, don't waste anymore time on her.

Aww OP you sound lovely and i hope you are feeling better

I’m surprised people are giving up on kids in their mid 30s, unless they’ve been told it’s a definite impossibility. I started my IVF at 36!

That's awful. You could be an "aunt" to her children and probably become someone they'd enjoy spending time with. Her eldest is 7, not 14! Don't most seven-year-olds love having an adult friend of the family who's interested enough to play and talk with them? That's been my experience.

She's not being a friend. If she persists in this strangeness, I'd probably distance myself from her. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Some of my friends without children are the best for entertaining my children! She is being ridiculous!

In the scenario she mentions I’d expect her to invite you over to hers for a meal or a takeaway and her kids can just chill at home .

I think some friendships do drift away over time as people’s lives change - it’s the way she’s come out a said she doesn’t want to meet you that’s really mean and uncaring . She’s a selfish friend

I have 5DC and my BFF couldn't have children but desperately wanted to and were always seeing each other,sometimes just the two of us other times us and our DC,other times me,my DH and our 5DC and her DH before he sadly passed.

MY BFF is auntie to our DC and Great Auntie to our Grandson and her DH was uncle to our DC.

Us not both having children has never stood in the way of us having friends and I think your so called friend is taking the piss!

Yeah, I’d distance yourself from her and spend time with your other friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if she regrets her attitude in a few years, it’s so narrow-minded.

I have a child-free friend who often spends time with my children ( and we also meet up without them now they’re older). They absolutely love her and think of her as their friend as well as mine!

Jeez, that's awful. What a shitty approach. I'd be pretty upset if I were you :(

She's not a friend - just blatantly using you when she need a hand.

Her loss, not yours. She'll be sorry she ditched her childfree friends when her offspring are teenagers and won't be seen dead with her outside the house.

This is so sad - you sound like a nice person and a good friend. When I was little as an only child I spent quite a lot of time with just adults, which was sometimes a bit dull but some of them were my favourite people to spend time with.

Notonmylife thats not on at all, my 2 best friends have no children we still hang out every week or every other week, they are happy to have my 3 children around them and my 3 adore them both as well x

Mintychoc1 I am single and have been for some time. I'm not sure that I would want to do it on my own and I just don't seem to have any luck meeting someone so now that I'm 37 I can't see that it is going to be possible unfortunately. It's awful but just feels like I've missed my chance. I hope you have had success with IVF!

xx

I'm the same as you OP. But my friends with kids don't behave like that towards me.

It's a shame,we used to be really close.
I haven't actually been told why I can't have kids,my last scan showed there was nothing stopping me but for some reason it never happened.
Then split with partner so it's deffo not going to happen now.
You hear about celebs having kids in 40s so there's always a hope I guess.

@notonmylife
This ''Friend'' sounds quite beyond the pale!
She must also be a feeble parent, too, if she cannot entertain her older child while you two chat!

You could go to a Park, the child could run around, play on the swings..
I used to take my son everywhere, and he's quietly amuse himself at friend's houses {often their children were grown up, or they didn't have any yet}..Drawing, reading, even, heaven forfend, a computer game keeps kids occupied for a few hours

It is a feeble excuse she is giving you.

@notonmylife
Mum had a friend years ago who was told they couldn't find anything wrong, but she never became pregnant.

She met a new partner, and became pregnant a few months later.

Naturally, too.
My original mum {sadly died} was told she ''would never be able to have children'' because of her illness... That it made her infertile..

She was 39 when she had me, a complete ''Surprise''....So it happens.

These days it is much easier for 'older' mothers to have children.

Hope it works out for you.👍