Friend won't meet with me because I don't have kids ..aibu ?

[notonmylife]

Hi I'm 35 and always wanted children but unfortunately never happened.
Been friends with my friend for 22 years (school friend) she means the world to me and were "best" friends.
We still text every week and she will ring me but she never wants to meet up anymore because I don't have children.
Her eldest is 7 and youngest nearly 1.
She doesn't have anyone to babysit so she has them every day /night.
I've asked her if she wants to meet up with kids obviously.
I've suggested going for lunch with soft play for kids/wildlife parks/beach/parks for picnics/cinema (kids movies ) etc etc
This is what she said to me
"I just want to stick to meeting friends who have Kids as "eldest" would be bored otherwise.
Last year she asked me to organise her baby shower and I sorted the venue/guests /food etc but I'm not invited to his 1st birthday.

I always wanted kids.
I love my friend like a sister and would love to be in her kids life too.
It's sad that she doesn't want to meet up.
She rang this morning for a chat,she was off to the beach with a friend (who has a 3 year old)

I'm so sad all the time.
Aibu to think we can still meet up in some capacity?

[TankGirl97]

She sounds horrible and so thoughtlessly mean. My 7yo loves meeting up with adults, it means they get more attention!

[vonny63]

Time for a new friend! She isnt interested in being your friend, its time to move on. For context my best friend has no children yet. She has always come along to all my child's birthday parties (she is much better with kids than I am!) came round for dinner for years when I didnt have a sitter. Now my son is older and doesn't require a sitter, we are back to going out for shopping/dinner/exhibitions etc. .

I just would cease all contact, she is a user

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

A lot of my friends now have children, mostly under 5. We have one close friend who isn’t in a relationship and doesn’t have a child.

We have partners to help with childcare, so try to meet up without children at time. However, this isn’t always possible and I really appreciate that she’s happy to come and spend time with me and my son, even though it usually involves a child friendly activity which I’m sure isn’t always her idea of fun! I mostly worry that she’ll be bored senseless at times, but I really do appreciate that she’s willing to do that (as I’ve had other childless friends pull away as they only ever want to drink cocktails) and I’d never exclude her from a child friendly activity if she was happy to join in. My DS loves his “aunty”.

I think it’s very kind of you to go out of your way to offer to do child friendly activities to accommodate her. I have no idea why she’s acting like this but it’s not the norm and I think it sounds very sad and you don’t deserve it

[Stinkbug]

She’s odd.

[TableFlowerss]

A 7 year old would be bored in a soft play?! Whilst his mam had a coffee with her friend for an hour....

[RightOnTheEdge]

She is being very hurtful and selfish.
Why would her kid be bored at a zoo, park or soft play? Does she never go anywhere with them on her own, only with playdates? That's a bit weird if so.

If you are so close and been friends for so long could you have a proper talk with her and say how hurt you are?
I hope you have other nicer friends you can spend time with

[AliasGrape]

I’ve just had a baby, but not till I was 40. The vast majority of my friends had children way earlier. Some I maybe saw a bit less of due to them being busy/ different lifestyles but I still met them both with and without children.

My best friend doesn’t have children of her own and won’t now. She’ll still be my best friend and is welcome to as much of the boring baby/kid stuff as she wants whilst I also know I’ll have to make the effort to do baby free meet ups when possible too.

Your friend just sounds mean and not a good friend.

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

You sound really lovely and very accommodating.

I have drifted away from some of my female friends, not really because they don't have kids, but a simple thing like meeting up can be tricky logistically when both of us work, but as you are going out of your way to have the kids there, I genuinely don't understand.

[lilgreen]

Op she is really stupid. You sound like a lovely, understanding friend. I still met with friends when they had kids and I didn’t and vice versa. How about arranging to go over to hers when DC in bed? Then have a chat about how it makes you feel.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Your friends a bitch OP sorry- you sound lovely btw

[wigglerose]

Some people just turn self-absorbed like that, sorry OP.

I had a mum friend like that. We had kids at different times, and she had hers first. She clearly only wanted mum friends. Even though I bent over backwards to be accommodating, arranged for meet ups at times and locations that were convenient and included something for her kid to do. I took an interest in her kid, but she stopped being interested in me or my life. It's not like I was inviting her to go out to do a night of shots (neither of us are like that anyway ) but it was clear when she stopped arranging things with me and only arranged things to do with friends that had kids, and then if she did anything without her kid.... it was with her friends that had kids.

I once made her a nice Christmas gift of home made mincemeat, since she loves cooking and that type of thing, only for her to respond, "Oh, I made mincemeat with my mum friends the other day!" You're welcome, I guess.

Sometimes it takes having kids for some people to show you what they really are. I know loads of mums that are not like that, and value all of their friends for what they bring to each others' lives.

[GlassMarble]

You sound like a terrific friend @notonmylife

Sometimes when one friend has kids and the other doesn’t, the childless friend is the one who doesn’t want to carry on as they’re not interested. But you’re the opposite and that’s an amazing trait in a friend. Your other friend who you go out with has very lucky kids to have you as a fun adult in their lives and to do fun things with.

Sadly the friend who doesn’t want to meet is not only being weird but is making a mistake in how she raises her children. Kids need to learn to behave in groups of adults only and also learn that but everything is tailored to their entertainment.

Sadly your friend is being a knob, and pretty bloody weird tbh. Also sadly that’s often incurable and you might need to step back from that friendship.

[BlingLoving]

@notonmylife

Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids ?

If I had a childfree friend who WANTED to spend time with my kids and who was accommodating, particularly if I couldn't get time to spend with my friend without my kids, I'd be biting her hand off and really grateful that she was willing to be so kind and considerate.*

I could sort of see where she was coming from if she wants to enjoy hanging with you without the kids, but as that doesn't seem to be on the cards for her, how exactly does she expect to see you/spend time with you if she doesn't do stuff with the kids and you together?

* also, it wasn't planned, but my children's godparents don't have children. It just sort of worked out that way but it's been amazing. They are so involved and engaged with my children and both DC see them as very important parts of their lives.

[BlingLoving]

@notonmylife

I think I'm a big kid at heart so that's why I love doing all the child friendly things.

I'll be your friend! I hate the kid friendly things. My BF is like you and her and DS have the absolute best time when we see her. Then he flops down somewhere with an iPad while her and I drink wine!

[Brefugee]

Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids ?

it's a resounding no from me. I LOVED meeting up with people without kids, even with mine in tow. Proper grown up conversation? fantastic.

I'm sorry your friend is like this - probably the best thing for you would be to give her less and less time and then withdraw from the friendship, just let it lapse. (or tell her she's being hurtful and that you think it's better if you break up - depending on how you are)

[WarriorsComeOutToPlayay]

It's not you, it's her.

I wouldn't make space in my life for someone so selfish and unkind.

[BurtsBeesKnees]

No this isn't how it's done. I've met friends with my dc and we've had lovely days out, and vice versa before I had kids.

You friend sounds horrid. So she's happy to take your gifts, time and energy to sort a baby shower but won't meet you or invite you to her child's 1st birthday?! I'd be telling her just that and then finish off with a clear 'fuck you'

[SillyUnMurphy]

You sound like a lovely person OP and your friend sounds utterly vile. I have two children and wouldn’t hesitate to meet with childless friends if they were comfortable with that. I’ve also been the childless friend meeting up with families and never had a problem with that either.
I’m also irrationally irked that your ‘friend’ felt the need to have a baby shower (that you had to organise) for her second child. She sounds completely entitled and hard work.
Do yourself a favour and end the friendship

[theemmadilemma]

She's not a friend. Good enough to arrange the shower but not for birthdays, or days out with them? Fuck that.

I don't have children. Never once has any friend with children found this an issue against seeing me? My bf's children think of me as an Aunt.

So you only see her when she needs you to arrange something for her? Ditch her, not worth the effort.

[VacMan]

Last year she asked me to organise her baby shower and I sorted the venue/guests /food etc but I'm not invited to his 1st birthday

More fool you. Stop hanging on for scraps, it's embarrassing. She's a selfish cow and you don't need her in your life.

[DishingOutDone]

@TableFlowerss

A 7 year old would be bored in a soft play?! Whilst his mam had a coffee with her friend for an hour....

See my post at 14.12 @TableFlowerss - seems its more common than even I originally thought (glad to see its not just me experiencing this though, in a way!)

[FilthyforFirth]

Cut her out immediately. She sounds awful. I do enjoy meeting up with friends who have also got kids but to be brutally honest I much prefer meeting up with friends who dont have children. Allows me to be me again and not just a mum.

My best friend is godmother to DS so it's important to me they spend time together, but I also really treasure our childfree time together.

Its very hurtful and she sounds awful. Bin her off and spend time with other, nicer friends.

[Jellybeansincognito]

Sounds like she just wants you around when she gets something out of it.

She is no friend at all op. Kids love new adults, I’d assume you’d be even more interesting to them because you’d be able to give them your full attention.
You also sound like fun!
You deserve a better friend ☺️

[NorthCarolina]

Unless there is a MASSIVE back story, omg she is being SO very U.