Friend won't meet with me because I don't have kids ..aibu ?

[notonmylife]

Hi I'm 35 and always wanted children but unfortunately never happened.
Been friends with my friend for 22 years (school friend) she means the world to me and were "best" friends.
We still text every week and she will ring me but she never wants to meet up anymore because I don't have children.
Her eldest is 7 and youngest nearly 1.
She doesn't have anyone to babysit so she has them every day /night.
I've asked her if she wants to meet up with kids obviously.
I've suggested going for lunch with soft play for kids/wildlife parks/beach/parks for picnics/cinema (kids movies ) etc etc
This is what she said to me
"I just want to stick to meeting friends who have Kids as "eldest" would be bored otherwise.
Last year she asked me to organise her baby shower and I sorted the venue/guests /food etc but I'm not invited to his 1st birthday.

I always wanted kids.
I love my friend like a sister and would love to be in her kids life too.
It's sad that she doesn't want to meet up.
She rang this morning for a chat,she was off to the beach with a friend (who has a 3 year old)

I'm so sad all the time.
Aibu to think we can still meet up in some capacity?

[girlwithadragontattoo]

F@ck that. My best friend, who i was born next to, has a 7 year old and a 1 year old, I'm 34 and childless, we did literally everything together until i moved 3 years ago. I'm moving back home in 6 weeks 4 days, we've already got a mini break booked, with the kids, we speak at least 2/3 times a day. Her oldest is my god son as when we are together i'm involved in everything, i've never been left out once
She is no friend to you at all!

[MrsTolerance]

You sound lovely and willing to be flexible about when and how you meet up. She’s not a good friend and sounds very self-absorbed. Spend your time with the friends who care x

[DishingOutDone]

Kids love new adults - this was always my experience so I was shocked to find a couple of families where the kids saw the "new adults" almost as competition for their parents' attention.

[SavageBeauty73]

How upsetting and awful. She's a dickhead.

You sound lovely. She doesn't deserve your friendship ❤️

[Happynow001]

@notonmylife

The friend I'm talking about makes no effort with me anymore and I'm drained trying to make effort with her.
^I haven't seen her since November.
It just seems pointless now.^

This really isn't a friend, OP. This is not how a friend behaves. It seems you are only a friend when she wants something from you, eg:

Last year she asked me to organise her baby shower and I sorted the venue/guests /food etc but I'm not invited to his 1st birthday.

But is mean to you at other times. Do you really want someone so unappreciative of your friendship in your life? It would hurt me to have someone I cared for think so little of me and, in your shoes, I'd fade her out.

You sound lovely OP. Don't waste your time on people who don't care for you. 🌹

[MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee]

She sounds awful. I have kids and no this is not what I am like. In reality lots of meet ups do end up being with other parents with kids but that is a matter of convenience only - definitely doesn’t mean wouldn’t want to see mates with no kids if they were interested in hanging out! And usually make a bit of an effort to try to see them without the kids too! She can’t ask you to do baby shower stuff and not include you in life generally if you want to be involved. I would want to discuss with her and let her know how I really felt about it all and see what she says

[RincewindsHat]

This is not how it is! My oldest friend of over 20 years has a son, I'm his godmother, I have no kids and don't plan to, and we see each other regularly, with and without her son. I have other friends with kids, and again, we still meet up - sometimes with and sometimes without the kids. She's being an idiot. If she thinks her precious poppet might get bored, so what? Kids have to learn how to deal with boredom because that's part of life. You just work around it.

[piscean10]

That is so cruel op. You sound so lovely offering to meet up at kid friendly places, you are an amazing friend!
Please cut her out, what she said is just unbelievable. I would love to have a friend like you, she just Obviously takes advantage of you.

[5lilducks]

I would have no problem meeting a friend who is child free. I don't have childcare either so I would take LO with me. Your "friend" is just nasty and not a real friend. She is a user, you need to lose her OP.

[butterpuffed]

She sounds awful OP

[Sunrise234]

Have you asked if you can go to hers for some wine and chat one evening?

I understand your friend in some ways as I had my DC young and could never get a babysitter but I would often have my childless friends round in the evening when she was in bed. I do sometimes feel different around my childless friends just because I think they don’t want to be doing kiddy things and I wonder if they’re bored or anything.
Do you have any nieces or nephews you babysit that will give you a good excuse to break the ice the first time so she can see you like kids.

[LouiseTrees]

@notonmylife

Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids ?

No. It’s an insult to you that she is treating you this way. I am a mum but had horrendous issues trying to conceive ( think over a decade of trying, IVF ICSI etc). If anyone had done this to me I would have told them about my issues (to make them feel like crap) and then cut them out.

[Theluggagerules]

My child loved meeting up with my friends who had no children. That woman isn't a friend, move on to people who appreciate you

[Hotandknackered]

My best friend is a single mum to an 8 year old we've always met up. (I'm child free) we do kids stuff and sometimes just meet for lunch and coffee. In this case dc will have I pad or activity to occupy her for an hour. This is very strange behaviour from your friend. Is she otherwise a good friend? As she doesn't sound it.

[minipie]

On the face of it she is being very U. And especially meeting up with the friend with a 3 year old but not you - the 3 year old and 7 year old are unlikely to play together.

However, playing devils advocate, is it possible that what she really means is that you won’t enjoy or don’t understand the reality of meeting with kids? It isn’t just about where you meet - it’s also having your conversation interrupted every 2 minutes when a child needs a nappy change or a drink or wants to tell you their latest joke etc. Or even having to go home early because a child is behaving badly or feeling poorly or needs a nap. Are you genuinely ok with that?

I have to admit I have a childless friend and I try to meet her when my kids are not there, simply because I assume she will be very very bored if we meet with them in tow - as I will have limited time available to talk to her. She sometimes says she is happy to meet with the kids here but I would feel guilty if I meet her and can only give 20% of my attention to her.

[ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]

Unless you expect her children to behave like the Von Trapps, yanbu, and considering your childlessness is involuntary, she is being actively cruel to you, not just a bit rubbish. I suppose it's easier with an outside perspective, but I'm constantly amazed at all the threads about awful friends I read on MN, just like all the threads about awful husbands. It's hard to let go of longstanding friendships but you deserve better than this, and if you clear some space in your life by leaving her to her own devices new friends will undoubtedly fill it.

[cologne4711]

Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids

Not at all! In fact it's nice to go out with friends who don't have kids or whose kids are older as you can talk about adult things! She's being very strange. Find some new friends.

[Chocolateandamaretto]

We like to see our childless friends, with and without kids. Your friend is being odd and she might regret neglecting you in a few years when her kids are bigger!

[DorisLessingsLesson]

It seems odd. Perhaps her eldest demands a lot of attention so your friend knows she will sabotage any outings.

[Clumsyduck]

Not how it is at all . You sound lovely .

[NotEvenTheKing]

@notonmylife

Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids ?

No, it's not how it is at all. She is being a weirdo. My friends without children are very much included in any activity they want to be. My two love it when my friends visit, children or not. And my oldest has never expressed boredom when a childless friend visits. They are both just as excited for the visits with children involved too.

You sound like a caring friend and she is acting really weird. Try not to let it get you down. Save your kindness for someone that deserves it.

[paintedsmile77]

How odd. Does she apply the same bizarre rule to her presumably kid free mother from having days out with them.

[Gobbycop]

That's pretty rough for you to be honest.

That's not nice of her.

[Toothsil]

That's so sad. My best friend doesn't have kids yet, (she has step kids but they only have them 3 nights a week) and I have a 10 year old. DD absolutely adores her, and loves the extra adult attention if we go out. My best friend's DP is DH's best friend and we still go out as two couples with DD when they don't have the boys staying. DD always has an amazing time and gets spoilt useless 😂😂 Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend, that's so hurtful.

[Greek2me]

She is really weird. You were open to going to child friendly places so its not like you just want to meet up in bars at 9pm.
It's really not a mum thing, it's her and not you and certainly not all mums like that. Time to catch up with other people?