Wedding evening invite.... AIBU

[DilemmaADay]

Following on from the topic of Weddings on MN at the moment, I have just recieved a wedding invite for a Friday - evening do only. Some factors so I'm not drip feeding

1. I've known the female of the couple since primary school. Never been best friends but I'd class us as friends
2. I work monday to friday so wedding evening is on a work day for me, but I'm not working the following day.
3. Wedding is an hour drive each way, near brides hometown. I have family there too so could stay with them but the location of the venue would require me driving and not drinking, or taking a taxi from the venue to the 'home town', staying there before driving back the following day.

So wondering what to do here. Realistically I could go (unsure about DP as he has strange shift patterns), but it's the principle of evening 'two tier' invites that I don't really like. Also present etiquette, do you get a present for an evening do or not?

What is everyones thoughts?

If you would enjoy it go, if not then dont. Drive up, stay with family and get taxi to venue then taxi back to relatives.

If you are the kind of person who thinks of this as a "second teir" invitation, don't go.

It sounds to me like you're looking for excuses not to go.

It doesn’t sound like hard work at all. Go if you want to, don’t go if you don’t want to.

If you do go, you should give them a gift.

I probably wouldn't go because of the distance/effort involved. She isn't a close friend. If I lived in the town where the reception was or if I wanted to catch up with old friends, then yes, I'd go.

I can never understand this 'two tier' train of thought. Evening invites to weddings have always been standard where I live (east Scotland). Going way back to the 80's when I got married ( and I imagine before that too) I can recall evening invites and no-one ever grumbled, they just realised that it was a good way for the bride and groom to include all their friends and relatives within their budget. I had people come to the church to see us get married then go off and have some dinner and join us in the evening. I guess if you don't want to go then don't go but don't diss the bride and groom. And if you go then, yes, you take a small gift.

Day/evening invites is normal. Day guests per head are expensive and you can't have everyone there.

Doesn't sound hard at all.

I wouldn't expect a present from an evening guest.

Personally I think evening only is fine for local acquaintances, parents friends, colleagues. It's a bit tacky to send an evening only invitation for someone who would have to travel and stay over.

We had ‘two tiers’. To be honest we preferred many of our evening only guests, but full day guests were taken up with required extended family! So I wouldn’t take it as a statement on the state of your friendship.

I'd definitely go and take a small gift.

I don't get the disdain either- totally normal here.
When I got married, night time guests included my mums friends from work, my friends from work!
My bridesmaids parents etc!

All people who it was nice to see and have a drink with but not people who we could invite for the full shebang.

If you don't want to go don't go!

I thought boris called wedding receptions unless you're not in England.

I'm not seeing the problem either.
Its not a vast distance so driving home is totally feasible or you have option of staying with family and taking a taxi.

I don't think the logistics are a problem.
It's more your put out that it's just an evening invite and the hierarchy of things.

I know I'm in the minority on MN but I love an evening-only wedding invitation. You get to skip all the dull bits (standing around for ages while the photos are taken, the speeches, making small talk with people you don't know over a three course meal that often isn't that great) and enjoy the party! You don't have to book time off work or feel like you've lost your whole weekend.
It wouldn't occur to me to take offence or see it as a 'two tier' system- I think that's a very strange way to look at things. There are lots of reasons why a couple might need to keep daytime numbers down and I wouldn't feel entitled to attend the whole thing no matter how long I'd known someone.

You're

Go. Churches tend to have a lot smaller capacity (if that's where they're getting married) than party venues, hard choices have to be made. We could have 60 church guests and 300 reception guests.

Totally normal here (Scotland). Best friends and family day, then everyone at night. We have traditional evening line up with guests, drinks, buffet etc. I've never attended a wedding here where that has not happened.

Don’t really think there is an issue with travel , just don’t drink , then you can drive , if your not happy it’s only an evening invite then decline

but it's the principle of evening 'two tier' invites that I don't really like. Also present etiquette, do you get a present for an evening do or not?

What 'principle'?

You've been invited to a celebration, either go and get a taxi, go and drive or don't go at all.

As for the present, do you often turn up at parties without a present for the host?

Assume it must be for next year or non UK?

@Spied

I don't think the logistics are a problem. It's more your put out that it's just an evening invite and the hierarchy of things.

And this ^^ 100%

I'm surprised by some of the responses as I thought the majority of mumsnet wouldnt attend an evening only invite when I read other threads. Or that's the consensus I was getting.

I'm unsure if I want to go in all honesty. Evening invites make you feel a bit of a last minute thought but maybe that's just me. Thanks for the head wobble, I think I'm just in a bad mood today

When you plan a wedding normally you keep costs reasonable you end up with 70ish people including yourselves as a couple. So 34 people each, take away family which even for a small family is often 10-15 people then you’re left with 20 spaces for friends but actually you have to invite people’s partners so that’s 10 friends and as I say that’s only with a fairly small family. The whole people taking offence at “two tier” guests is unfair when couples are making tricky choices about whether to invite an aunt or uncle or a friend.
If it’s too much fuss to go then don’t but if she’s a friend then make the effort. And yes still take a gift; they’re spending money on you being there still.