Wedding evening invite.... AIBU

[DilemmaADay]

Following on from the topic of Weddings on MN at the moment, I have just recieved a wedding invite for a Friday - evening do only. Some factors so I'm not drip feeding

1. I've known the female of the couple since primary school. Never been best friends but I'd class us as friends
2. I work monday to friday so wedding evening is on a work day for me, but I'm not working the following day.
3. Wedding is an hour drive each way, near brides hometown. I have family there too so could stay with them but the location of the venue would require me driving and not drinking, or taking a taxi from the venue to the 'home town', staying there before driving back the following day.

So wondering what to do here. Realistically I could go (unsure about DP as he has strange shift patterns), but it's the principle of evening 'two tier' invites that I don't really like. Also present etiquette, do you get a present for an evening do or not?

What is everyones thoughts?

You do sound very superior and unhappy, @Jayaywhynot. Genuinely - that must be hard. I‘ve just realised that I remember seeing you be kind to another poster recently (some names just stick in my mind) so may be this topic has just hit a nerve, and it’s a difficult time for everyone anyway.

I'm not British, so I think the two-tier system is 100 percent vulgar, yet in this case I would go. Not because of any great affection for the bride, but because it sounds as if you might meet other people you know and it might be fun.

You’ve agreed you are not best of friends yet seem a bit annoyed you are all invited for the evening. Weddings are about the bride and groom - if you don’t want to share their wedding reception with them then don’t go!!

It only makes you a second tier guest if you decide it does.
In reality, there are usually limits in who can attend ceremony, financial constraints on who can be fed at God knows how much per head.
Don't go if you don't want to. However, one wedding I went to as an evening guest led me to bumping into a girl I was at school with and I would now count her as a very dear friend.

Of anyone sent an invite and not an Invitation I would not dream of going.

The wedding is probably done now I would've thought

@percheron67

Of anyone sent an invite and not an Invitation I would not dream of going.

If anyone resurrected a zombie thread for no bloody reason then I wouldn’t bother with them either

I don't get this idea of two tiers? Isn't daytime really just for family and closest friends. Evenings are for not-as-close-but-still-want-you-to-be-there-friends. I would go purely on the basis it incorporated a night away, 1/2 day from work, drive to hotel, have a bit of a spa afternoon, nice dinner and arrive at reception c8.30pm, few drinks, bit of a dance, someone else cooking my breakfast in the morning. Driving/taxi - no I wouldn't be bothered with this. Present - always

Fuck. Zombie thread!

We had a ‘2 tier’ wedding. Venue could seat 100 but enough room for 200 to party in the evening. So we invited old friends, cousins, work friends etc in the evening. It was fab to see those who came - we provided them with as much food and drink as they liked and catered for their dietary requirements. We didn’t ask for presents. Some brought us something (bottle of fizz, box of chocs, John Lewis voucher etc) and some didn’t. Didn’t matter to us an we certainly were not offended that a few people didn’t make it. Honestly if anyone didn’t want to come i would much rather they stayed home than begrudgingly graced us with their presence and judged us for inviting them.

@Mantlemoose

Fuck. Zombie thread!

Yeah. Pfft.

I do like evening only invites as they tend to be more fun. Always bring a gift though.

Yeah. Zombie

I don’t know if you’ve ever planned a wedding but please rest assured that evening only invites are not last-minute thoughts or second thoughts or people you don’t really give a shit about. Most people put a lot of thought into their guest lists, try to consider other people’s feelings, and some even feel guilty that they can’t invite absolutely everyone in their lives to the whole thing as much as they might want to.

If she is getting married in her own town where you also grew up - would you be seeing people you want to see who you have not seen for years? To be honest an evening invite sounds better you likely only need to leave work a little early rather than take the day off.
She is effectively inviting you to a party - people get hung up on missing the ceremony but if you are not close friends what does it matter?

I wouldn't and don't mind an evening invite if it is
A. Going to be fun
B. Geographically not too awkward

For gifts I tend to go for a bottle of decent champagne or something around the £30 mark

@ittakes2

If she is getting married in her own town where you also grew up - would you be seeing people you want to see who you have not seen for years? To be honest an evening invite sounds better you likely only need to leave work a little early rather than take the day off. She is effectively inviting you to a party - people get hung up on missing the ceremony but if you are not close friends what does it matter?

@ittakes2 OP posted this over a year ago.

I expect it has been resolved.

Then don’t say anything then! Op doesn’t need this sort of comment!

Op doesn't need any comments - it's a bloody zombie thread!

The evening doo is the best bit. You don’t have to sit through the boring speeches or eat all the mediocre food, and you get to wear a cooler outfit than if you were going to the whole day, and you’re not too knackered to have have a great time. Look at it from a different perspective: are lots of your friends going? Will it be a good laugh and a catch up? Will you get to have a few drinks and a boogie? If that floats your boat then definitely go. For an evening doo I’d just bring a nice bottle of wine and a card.

Same most of the day stuff is dull unless you're really close to the couple and function food generally a bit crap, I much prefer just going for the evening.

Decline if you don’t want to go. I’ll never understand why people get irked at an evening invite. Weddings cost a bloody fortune, if it were me day time would be family only and a big party at night with friends.

and yes even if invited to an evening do I always take a gift, I wouldn’t go to someone’s house empty handed so I sure as hell wouldn’t attend such a celebration empty handed!

Evening invites are totally normal where I'm from - they're not in any way insulting to give or receive.. Presents are usually something like a nice set of glasses, towels - I've had brilliant nights at evening invite weddings!

The whole “second tier” invite concern is exactly why We’re not doing our wedding the way we’d prefer 😒

Maybe it’s down to cost. Maybe it’s because they want a small intimate ceremony, but still want to celebrate with you. it’s their day, it’s not about you.

Sorry, just seen your update & didn’t mean it to sound so blunt.

I just mean it probably not because they think less of you & there might be other factors.