Wedding evening invite.... AIBU

[DilemmaADay]

Following on from the topic of Weddings on MN at the moment, I have just recieved a wedding invite for a Friday - evening do only. Some factors so I'm not drip feeding

1. I've known the female of the couple since primary school. Never been best friends but I'd class us as friends
2. I work monday to friday so wedding evening is on a work day for me, but I'm not working the following day.
3. Wedding is an hour drive each way, near brides hometown. I have family there too so could stay with them but the location of the venue would require me driving and not drinking, or taking a taxi from the venue to the 'home town', staying there before driving back the following day.

So wondering what to do here. Realistically I could go (unsure about DP as he has strange shift patterns), but it's the principle of evening 'two tier' invites that I don't really like. Also present etiquette, do you get a present for an evening do or not?

What is everyones thoughts?

The wedding was two years ago!

This. No brainer. By a small gift if you feel like it or nothing. I used to spend £20 for an evening do invite but that was a decade ago when wedding gift proper was £50 standard.

Yes! Exactly this!

The most important part of the wedding for me is seeing my friends tie the knot - not the piss-up.

A while ago I decided that, as a rule, I would gently decline all evening-only invites that come my way and it's made it so much simpler. It's not a reflection on my feelings towards the couple, but if we're not close enough that I'd be invited to the full day, then we're not close enough for me to justify the time, effort or expense for just a few hours. I send a card and buy them a drink next time I see them.

@DilemmaADay If something's making you feel resistant to going, just don't go. Thankfully, as adults, we get to make that kind of decision!

Ohhhhhh. Well, I wonder if they went!

🫣🤣

I agree. Just don’t go then.

Indeed. If they hire a DeLorean for the day, they can go back in time for the day and then not attend.

Or you can get one, go back a couple of hours and not embarrass yourself.

When we planned our wedding we had to limit it somewhere because we only had a certain budget to spend and wereonly allowed x amount of guests for the meal. So some people were evening guests rather than day guests and in an ideal world they'd all have just been day guests. But it wasn't practical or affordable so it was the only way to still include them because i only invited people i wanted there? I would never think of an evening invite as a second tier invite or afterthought because they go out at the same time as the day invites do. And I understand people aren't made of money and weddings are crazy expensive. Plus it can depend on who's paying, if the couples parents are paying for the reception there's a good chance they'll insist on prioritising family full day invites and the couple may not feel able to decline. If I thought it would be fun and I liked the couple I'd go and bring a gift and not give it another thought.

Don't feckin go if you don't want to.
Do feckin go if you want to.
It's a feckin invite, not a feckin summons.
If you feckin go, buy a pressie or stick £20 in a feckin card.
If you don't go, don't bother.
Communicate your choice clearly as soon as feckin possible.

Bit late to do that though.

Bloody love evening only that’s the best bit! The day is boring sitting around waiting and the meal and the speeches and a day off work….

id rather go to work and head to the wedding after and just have a few drinks and a dance. Way better tbh

It's only an hour away. Easy. If you like the bride (you said you are friends), why on earth wouldn't you go? And of course get a present- no need for anything big.

Haha just realised it's a zombie thread! Wonder if they went!!

Go if you want to go and think it will be fun, don't go if you don't want to go. I think people invite people for the evening who they like and would like to celebrate with, but are not super close with and can't fit in the venue for the day (depending on the size of the wedding and number of family that have to be invited ect).

I have never been offended by an evening invitation and have gone if I can. I do make less of an effort to attend for evening only invites (I would go if it were easy for me to). Now I have a young DC who breast feeds to sleep, I would not attend an evening only wedding until he stopped needing to feed to sleep. I have had some really fun evenings as an evening only guest and you are less tired than if you have been there since 11am. It is nice to be able to wish the couple well.

I normally still get them a gift to wish them well, but something smaller than I do when I am invited for the full day.

When I first started reading this post, I thought you were typing a Mike and the Mechanics lyric as there is no way anyone would encourage someone to attend a wedding do that actually occurred 18 months in the past, but no, you really were.

My first post on MN, reading this in the bath to realise it was 2 fucking years ago 🤣.... wonder if she went though

Ah crap. Valuable seconds of my life wasted!

Evening invites can be great! I went to the wedding of a uni friend years ago where I was only invited to the evening. There was a whole group of us in that position, and we went out together for a meal at Pizza Hut before going to the evening reception.

I knew that the bride was in a difficult position, as there were complicated family relationships involved so there was no way she could have included us all.

I’ve also been the bride faced with this dilemma. We had limited places at the main wedding reception, so we had to leave some good friends out, as well as some cousins that my MIL wanted us to invite. (We did invite a couple of them to the main reception but we had to be firm otherwise.) I also had work colleagues who we invited to the evening reception.

It really isn’t a case of ‘two-tier’ by the sound of it, OP, but of numbers. And you yourself say that you’re not a close friend. It’s so hard when you have decisions to make about who to invite!

In your shoes, I would just go, as it isn’t all that far. Evening receptions can be fun, without all the standing around. And yes, I would give a present personally.

Oh dear, just realised that this is from 2 years ago, silly me! A waste of time posting that.
I wonder whether she decided to go in the end??

Yes I didn't realise it was an old post. Don't know why it has reappeared. As someone else said, wonder if she went...

You sound like you can't be arsed
Have you never been to a party on a workday before
Get a grip

Just dont go if this is all such a hassle for you.

Oh fuck me
A zombie

I hate zombies
And people that look for excuses not to go to a wedding

If go and feel obliged to give a gift simply because they'll be paying for you, then give a much smaller gift than you would have if you'd been invited to the main bit - if it's transactional then that applies all round.

.

Hope the happy couple are still a happy couple………. How awful if after all this angst they had called it a day and split the loot perfect gifts between them.