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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 year old DD asking if I love her or my boyfriend more

212 replies

Lilyh229 · 25/07/2020 12:00

Name changed for this post. I've been a single mum to my 6 year old DD her whole life and met someone a year ago. DD does like him but has had her jealous moments. Recently she has started asking if I love her or my partner more. I have been answering that I love them both but in different ways but my mum thinks I should tell her that I will always love her more than anyone else in the world (which is true) so she feels secure. Looking for advice please, this is my first relationship in a long time

OP posts:
dotdashdashdash · 25/07/2020 12:02

She's looking for reassurance and I think you should give it to her. I tell my son I love him more than anything in the world, that includes his father, my husband.

PumpkinP · 25/07/2020 12:02

Wow I don’t know why you even need to ask Confused your mum is right btw

flooredbored · 25/07/2020 12:03

I would say I love her more. Maybe she's feeling a bit threatened by the new relationship.

audweb · 25/07/2020 12:04

She’s six, and worrying about her place in your life. I think you should reassure her very firmly that she’s comes first and you love her more. I’m not sure my six year old would have really understood what loving people In different ways would have meant. I think it’s ok to tell her you love him, but that she would always come first and you love her more.

Deardonkey · 25/07/2020 12:05

I agree with your mum, tell your DD you love her more.

AlphaDalpha · 25/07/2020 12:05

Reassure her. She's six.

DelphiniumBlue · 25/07/2020 12:06

If what your Mum says is true, why haven't you said this already? Why would you make daughter feel like you were hedging your bets ?

Tiredmum100 · 25/07/2020 12:07

Just tell her you love her more than anything else. I tell my two children that every single night.

TheBouquets · 25/07/2020 12:07

Please do whatever it takes to reassure your DD that she is your priority. DP is presumably an adult so could cope without you but DD is a young child who can not live without you. She is totally dependant on you so please reassure her.

jerometheturnipking · 25/07/2020 12:07

Whilst, yes, you love them in different ways, your mum is spot on.

QueenofmyPrinces · 25/07/2020 12:07

Of course you should tell her that you love her more than him!!

RedTitsMcGinty · 25/07/2020 12:08

Tell her you love her more. My DD knows that although I love DP, she comes first. He backs me up on this too. How could you not love your daughter more?

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 25/07/2020 12:08

Although I disagree with the whole who do you love more thing.

Actually, here I would be telling her that I love her the most in the world to assure her because her confidence in her place in your life is shaking.

RonnieBob · 25/07/2020 12:08

You have to ask what to say when your DD asks for reassurance in this way?! Holy fuck. Poor child.

Oysterbabe · 25/07/2020 12:09

Surely you love your child more than some bloke you've known a year?! Tell her the truth.

OverTheRainbow88 · 25/07/2020 12:11

Holy fuck... poor child ... Erm a bit over the top.

I too would say I love her the most in the whole wide world and would tell her that daily😊

I would also try and avoid telling my partner I love him infront of my dd.

Tlollj · 25/07/2020 12:11

I agree with your mum, tell her you love her more than anything and any one and always will no matter what.
I presume that’s the truth?

Nymeriastark1 · 25/07/2020 12:11

I'm with your mum, she's 6 fgs.

Grobagsforever · 25/07/2020 12:12

My children ask if I love them more than my boyfriend. I tell them yes and I always will.

Namechange8471 · 25/07/2020 12:14

‘ I love you more than anything [insert child’s name]. Even more than [insert new boyfriend's name].

Surely it’s a given?

SillyUnMurphy · 25/07/2020 12:15

I’m not trying to be awful but something has happened to make your six year old question if she is the most important thing in the world to you. She is obviously feeling the shift in your attention.
I firmly agree with your mum that you must reassure her that you will never love anyone as much as her.

Worried234 · 25/07/2020 12:17

Jesus. You surely love your own daughter more than your boyfriend of a year????

FourTeaFallOut · 25/07/2020 12:18

You tell her that you love her more than anyone else in the whole world, that she is the sun, the moon and the stars to you and that she never needs to worry that that will change.

hardboiledeggs · 25/07/2020 12:19

She's 6 years old, she NEEDS you! I've been with my Husband for 13 years, have two kids under the age of 4 years old. I love my kids more than my husband. I made them, I carried them for 9months and I raised them. I wouldn't even hesitate in telling my kids I loved them more than a guy I'd know for a short time. Bit worrying you need to ask tbh.

BeneathTheMilkyTwilight · 25/07/2020 12:20

I agree, just tell her. Say you do love bf, and other people too, (name family friends whoever), but that you love her more than anyone and that you always will.