6 year old DD asking if I love her or my boyfriend more

[Lilyh229]

Name changed for this post. I've been a single mum to my 6 year old DD her whole life and met someone a year ago. DD does like him but has had her jealous moments. Recently she has started asking if I love her or my partner more. I have been answering that I love them both but in different ways but my mum thinks I should tell her that I will always love her more than anyone else in the world (which is true) so she feels secure. Looking for advice please, this is my first relationship in a long time

If this is true what a wee shame

She's 6. Of course you should tell her that you love her more than anyone

Why would you even be asking that?

Of course you do love your child more, so why wouldn't you tell her that?! I've been with dh (DC dad) for 16 years, obviously loves the bones of him, but the love for our small children is on a whole different level, for me and for him. Nothing trumps the love for your own children surely, nothing even comes close, let alone feeling towards a partner of a one year relationship. If my 6 year old even asked this question, I'd worry she was feeling insecure, and would make a point to love bomb her and show her extra affection at every opportunity.

Wow I don’t know why you even need to ask - your mum is right btw

This!

A million times, this!

The only people that I love equally are my children. I will never love my partner as much as I love my children and they know this. He also knows this and not only does he accept it, he thinks its how it should be. Why wouldn't you tell your daughter that you love her more? Does your partner know and accept that this is the case?

Fucking hell. Really? You cant even tell your 6 year old daughter you love her more than your new boyfriend. I've been with DH 25 years. My dd asks me this all the time and I tell her I love her more than anything or anyone in the world and always will.

Your mum is right. It’s a no brainer imo. Your daughter is seeking reassurance so give it to her. I a bit as to why you haven’t already.

I agree with your mum. I also can’t fathom how a 1 Year relationship can even begin to compare. I tell my three sons I love them more than anything in the world and that that can never change no matter what happens. I think parental love is the bedrock of their burgeoning self-esteem and is unconditional.

The love of your child is greater than anything surely?

I can see why she needs reassuring. That's a shitty answer to give. At least she has your mum.

Presumably you do love her more? If he was awful to her, you'd pick her. If she was awful to him, you'd pick her because she's six.
If you had to choose, you'd choose her.
So you (I hope) love her more.
She needs the reassurance that if he becomes awful you'd put her first.

Always tell your kids you I’ve them more

"Of course I love you more than anybody or anything in the whole wide world, daughter. I like (boyfriend) a lot but I love you lots more and always will"

I can remember asking my mum I’d she loved me more than my dad. She told me she loved us equally but in a different way. It’s always stayed with me. Tell your daughter you love her more than anything. I tell my son regularly.

To clarify- I would say you "like" the boyfriend to separate for her the difference. Obviously you could say you love him too, but she needs to feel reassured that she is the most loved in your life.

Have you seriously been telling your six year old daughter that you love her and the man you’re shagging “in different ways”????

Yeah. Much as it’s shocking to need it spelled out: you tell your CHILD that you love her more than your boyfriend. 🙄

I think someone lives under a bridge...but if not, honestly why wouldn't you say you will always love her more than anyone else on the planet. It's the truth.

Look at it this way - love for everyone else other than your kids is (or bloody well should be) conditional. Your love for dc is unconditional. When she's older you can put it in those terms.

Seriously?

Your child should be the number 1 here not some bloke you have known a year!

Obviously your daughter is picking up some vibe here that she isn’t number one and you are backing up this feeling by saying what you are saying to her

Poor girl needs reassurance that she is the most important person in your life and you are not give her that. Please sit down and think about how what you are saying and how you are behaving is affecting your daughter.

This has got to be a fucking wind up.

Why have you not said that you do?
Do you not?

I would also be limiting seeing your bf when she is around for the moment as she is clearly feeling worried, and she has to be your priority. If your bf is the right person he will understand that.

I have been answering that I love them both but in different ways

My mum used to say this to me when she got with my stepdad when I was 5.
It's horrible and nearly 40 years later I still can't believe a mother would say this to their child.

God, I hope you are winding people up.

She's a child. WTF is this 'different ways'? Save that for when she's older. She needs to know she is most important in your life, and if, as you say, that's true, then I really don't understand why you haven't said that to her already!

Come on.

Your mum is right.

Why would you even ask? Of course you love her more - tell her!

Your mum is right!! Why on earth are you even asking . She's obviously feeling vulnerable for some reason and it could be something that you're unknowingly doing that makes her feel like that.

Your mum is right. How can any mother even consider not telling their dd that she is more important and loved, than a dp, is beyond me! If she isn’t the most important person in your life, she should be!