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AIBU?

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Original poster

6 year old DD asking if I love her or my boyfriend more

212 replies

Lilyh229 · 25/07/2020 12:00

Name changed for this post. I've been a single mum to my 6 year old DD her whole life and met someone a year ago. DD does like him but has had her jealous moments. Recently she has started asking if I love her or my partner more. I have been answering that I love them both but in different ways but my mum thinks I should tell her that I will always love her more than anyone else in the world (which is true) so she feels secure. Looking for advice please, this is my first relationship in a long time

OP posts:
Fressia123 · 25/07/2020 16:37

My whole point is that you can't love someone "more" as love isn't quantifiable (IMO) but everybody can feel love in whichever way they feel it, it's a personal thing.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 25/07/2020 16:39

Quite surprised you even need to ask this. Of course you should tell her your dd more than anyone else in the world.
Maybe that's why she become so insecure in the first place. A child shouldn't even need to ask their mum if she loves her more than her boyfriend. They should feel it and know it.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 25/07/2020 16:40

*tell your dd you love her more than anyone else.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/07/2020 16:40

I will always love her more than anyone else in the world (which is true) so why wouldn't you just tell her the truth??

nestisflown · 25/07/2020 16:41

I don't see the point in those thought exercises.

It’s to strip away all the bullshit. I think the same way - that I love everyone the same level but differently. But when it comes down to it and I have everything to lose and have to make a choice, I know who I would choose and even in which order of most “loved”/ importance to me.

Yes I love differently but I believe the love of a parent to a child, when it is done properly (unconditional and pure) is greater than any other kind of love (erotic, friendship, familial or otherwise).

Rollmopsrule · 25/07/2020 16:41

100% agree with your Mum. I'm sure you actually do live her more but yes you need to say it especially if she's asking. I grew up knowing as far as my Mum was concerned her husband always came first. It has been very damaging to our relationship.

oakleaffy · 25/07/2020 16:43

OP, Your Daughter should be waaaay above your partner in terms of 'love'.
Don't confuse her with ''I love you both-but in different ways''
Say ''You are the one I love best, because you are my daughter''

2020wasShocking · 25/07/2020 16:44

I tell my DC that I love them more than anything in the world. That I love them more than anyone in the world.

I tell them I love them more than my DH and that they are the most important people in the world to me.

DH knows I love my DC more and he’s cool with it 😂

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/07/2020 16:44

interesting that the OP hasn't come back.
Hopefully she's got the message

SleepingStandingUp · 25/07/2020 16:46

@Fressia123

I get it's not for everyone, but I was raised that way (so was my sister) and we all love our dogs /cats the same as any other family member, it's just a different type of love. And my grandma was the same so!
out of interest, how many of these pets that you love as much as your kids have died? cos its interresting how people say that but then the snimal dies, theyre sad for a bit and then get s new pet
Fressia123 · 25/07/2020 16:52

Well let's see, I had Chiquito, then Katzie (a cat) I definitely would say they were both as loved. We had a few other which wasn't the same but then we got three at the same time. It was a wonderful time in my life. We'd write them letters to Santa and we called the family "a pack" . I flew back to every one of their "funerals" I was already living in the UK when that happened. My mum then got a new"generation" but they grew without me. My current dog I got when I was pregnant (in fact we collected her a few days before the positive test) and baby and her have grown together. To me having my baby growing up with a dog (or their sister as I call her) is completely priceless and a joy I can't describe.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 25/07/2020 16:55

Hahaha Fressia, over egged it now we know your taking the piss 😂

MashedSpud · 25/07/2020 16:56

I feel sorry for your little girl if this is true.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 25/07/2020 17:01

Surely this is a wind up. Do you need to even ask Hmm

2020wasShocking · 25/07/2020 17:02

@Fressia123

My whole point is that you can't love someone "more" as love isn't quantifiable (IMO) but everybody can feel love in whichever way they feel it, it's a personal thing.
I can quantify my love. I know I love my DC more than anyone else. Without a shadow of a doubt.

I’d never ever ever get over it if something happened to one of them.

I’d be devastated if my DH died, but I can say that I would absolutely feel much more pain if it was my DC. I’d be broken in a way that I could never be fixed.

And if a pet died, we’ll imo that’s just no where near comparable to my DH or children. I’m sure I’d be sad but I’d get over a pets death.

Fressia123 · 25/07/2020 17:09

I see grief like love. When my uncle died (who was one of the most important people in my life) I would say it was similar to when my cat died. She was my faithful companion in my teenage years. I still grief for both of them to this day even though it's been years since both have passed away.

formerbabe · 25/07/2020 17:14

Jeez, shame on you...a bloke you've been with for only a year and you cannot even manage to tell your dd you love her more than anyone else in the world.

Shocking

formerbabe · 25/07/2020 17:16

Oh and really think about why your dd is asking you that question.

It's obvious to anyone that's she's absolutely desperate for reassurance, so just give it to her.

JRUIN · 25/07/2020 17:27

You love your DD more yet you won't tell her the poor little thing this even though she is practically begging you for that reassurance??? I don't understand this at all! Confused

AtrociousCircumstance · 25/07/2020 17:33

Fressia you’re like one of those people who say “My parents hit me and I’m fine! So it’s fine to hit my kids! Because we’re all fine!”

It’s a betrayal of your kids to say you love your dog the same amount.

GinGinHooray · 25/07/2020 17:38

How weird that you need to ask your mum and the MN what to say to your DD.

Obviously the correct answer is that you love her more and always will, she's your child!....it's an unconditional and unwavering love and loyalty.

So strange and tragic that you didn't instinctively say this to her straight away poor little girl, no wonder she needs reassurance.

Google31 · 25/07/2020 17:46

I don’t get it at all,you have known this man for one year and you told your daughter you love them both in different ways,why? Surely you can’t love him more than your own daughter so why couldn’t you reassure her.

whereorwhere · 25/07/2020 20:51

Well of course you love her more and you should tell her that

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 25/07/2020 20:56

For fucks sake. You've known this guy a year, and you can't tell your daughter you love her more than him?
Hope this is a wind up, if not, get a grip.

MorganKitten · 25/07/2020 21:03

You need to reassure her you love her more

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