6 year old DD asking if I love her or my boyfriend more

[Lilyh229]

Name changed for this post. I've been a single mum to my 6 year old DD her whole life and met someone a year ago. DD does like him but has had her jealous moments. Recently she has started asking if I love her or my partner more. I have been answering that I love them both but in different ways but my mum thinks I should tell her that I will always love her more than anyone else in the world (which is true) so she feels secure. Looking for advice please, this is my first relationship in a long time

My dc are older teens and they still love to hear that I love them more than their stepdad! It's a family joke that the only member of the household that loves dh the most is the dog
Please reassure your daughter endlessly, she needs it!

Poor wee soul needs the reassurance that you love her more than a new boyfriend, your mum is correct.

Of course you should tell her more. I tell my DS I love him more than anyone has ever loved anything in the world and that I always will. It’s true and children need to feel secure and loved.

Agree with pps that the only answer is yes of course you love her more than anyone else in the world and always will.

I have a 6yo DD and when I first introduced DP and we started doing things together she would ask questions like this “who do you love more” and would say things like “when I see you hug X it makes me feel like you love him more than me”. It really jarred with me and so I told her in no uncertain terms that I love her the most and always will, that she’s my number 1 etc, and toned down hugs/hand holding with DP for a while. She now never asks this or comments on it any more, it was reassurance she needed at the time, and she has a great relationship with my DP, loves walking along holding handing with both of us with her in the middle and if she sees us having a cuddle in the kitchen she’ll come and get involved- in fact we have a little game where we have a hug with her in the middle and I say “I’m bread!” and he says “and I’m bread!” then she says “And I’m cheese!” Or ham or something silly like slime, then we all laugh DP totally understood and actually now I’m pregnant and joke to him he’ll be slipping down from number 2 to number 3 when the baby comes along 🤣

I find it really sad that you even need to ask the question. And even sadder that you've not been giving your daughter the reassurance she needs.

There really shouldn't be any doubt and the fact there is speaks volumes about you as a parent.

I'm finding it very hard to believe that anyone would be unsure what was best to do in this situation,. I also have no idea how the detail that first relationship in a long time has any bearing on this.

Why are you even having to ask?!?

I agree with your mum.

Your DD needs a clear answer that a 6yr-old will understand - not some long-winded explanation about loving them in different ways.

I should tell her that I will always love her more than anyone else in the world (which is true) so she feels secure

If it is true, why wouldn't you say it to your 6 year old?

Why on earth wouldn't you tell her that you love her more than anything?

My 9yo has asked me in front of DH who I love most, her or daddy, and I have answered easily - her. And if she asked DH I would be disappointed if he didn't answer the same way.

She is your flesh and blood. Surely it's a no brainer

I have a 6 year old DD and a boyfriend; I would always tell her she comes first and that I love her more! I am her world.

OP, don't let your six-year-old think you love your boyfriend of only a year as much as you love her! You say here you love her more than anything, so why not tell her that?

Sad that you even need to ask this. She’s obviously feeling insecure and “loving them both but in different ways” is a cop-out answer that won’t make her feel any more secure.

You literally tell her that you will never love anyone as much as her. She is the most important person in the world and you would always choose her over your boyfriend!! Your boyfriend is disposable, she is not.

I agree with your mum.

I love my husband (my son's father) a lot and vice versa but if DS ever asked either one of us, we would say that we love him more - and it's true.

It’s a total no brainer. Tell her you love her more than anything else in the planet. Tell her you will always love her that much. Tell her it every single day, twice a day, three times a day, as often as it takes to stop her feeling insecure. And then carry on telling her.

Yeh, answer is obvious really.

Shouldn't be different for married mothers. if your child asks you if you love them or daddy more, the answer is 'you'.

I'm a single parent, I know it's hard to get anything stable off the ground when you're a single parent, and you're criticised for not having stable relationships because of your child/children.

I hate the whole who do you love more but in this case I would tell your daughter you love her more and will always be there for her.
Having someone new in your life is bound to be unsettling for her so just give her the reassurance she wants.

Is this even real?

My DP is awesome and loving. DS has never asked who I love more but I tell him I love him more than anything all the time and me and DP and DS’s dad make it clear that DS is number one.

I really think you should tell her. You’re not lying, she does come before your DP.

Your mum is right. You need to be reassuring her. I can’t believe you’re not doing it already - poor kid.

Yep your mum is right. X

Why on earth would you need advice about this? Of course you tell her that you love her more than anything in the world. You are making her feel insecure by not telling her how much you love her. Poor little thing.