To think SIL should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

[LoveaBrew]

I visited my brother and SIL today and their two DC. We'd not seen each other since January, due to lockdown and us living a bit of a drive away.

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us. I took my 3 DC and they had a lovely time playing in the garden together.

While I was there I noticed that my nephew (3) had made a massive leap during lockdown - he's always been a bit shy, but now he's turned into this confident mature child. His vocabulary and reasoning skills are better than my DS7, who is in the top set in his year, despite the 4 year age gap .
But it was watching my just turned 1 year old niece that left me speechless. It was like watching a 3 year old stuck in a babies body. Without telling too much, she's just learned to ride a balance bike and did a 6 piece Jigsaw with ease...

I asked SIL if they'd done much with the children during lockdown and she said something like too much TV but they tried to go for a walk once a day. I asked again about any homeschooling she'd done and she brushed off the question. I then pointed out how impressive her DC were and she just shrugged...

I have really enjoyed homeschooling during lockdown and promised to send her some of the materials we have used. I've just sent her a few links on WhatsApp and she replied: "that's very kind, honestly we're just happy if everyone is still alive at the end of the day."

I feel a bit upset, surely SIL should do her best to support her kids talents She has quite a senior job so should know how important education is?

AIBU to think she should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

Why are you not bothered that your brother isn’t bothered?

I can’t see that she’s doing anything wrong the kids are doing fine.

She obviously does and is making an effort, hence the growth you’ve seen. This wouldn’t happen without parental input during lockdown/

Maybe she just keeps it quiet. I’ve got a friend like this acts like she doesn’t care about educational things... but when you go around you see scraps of paper with the alphabet written all over it etc!!

I love that what you've taken from isn't that she's clearly doing a fantastic job but that both her children are magically gifted and she's not living up to their requirements.

Her kids are a testament to her and theres far more to a person than how fast they can reach milestones. I wouldn't continue to push what you want for her children on her, you may damage that relationship.

They're only 3 and one, no need for formal, education.

They're just a really good example of what it's like having really nurturing parents round all the time

For some people Covid has been a good thing

They are only 1 and 3. As long as they have attention and opportunities to learn, what more do you expect? What education should they be having?

I don't really understand. They are 3 and 1? Why would they be doing home schooling? As long as they are cared for and loved during this scary time what else matters.

Sounds like the are developing great and I would just be pleased at that.

Is this a serious post? Her children are 3 and 1. Why on earth would she be homeschooling them and worrying about academics? They’re tiny

Ps homeschooling is a bloody nightmare for most people. I have hated every single second of it without exception. I’d be seriously cross if you sent me “helpful” links and implied criticism like you have

I asked again about any homeschooling she'd done and she brushed off the question.

They are 3 and 1.
a) No need to homeschool at this age.
b) Whatever approach she is taking is clearly working just fine.

They're 1 and 3. They don't require homeschooling, especially if homeschooling is going to result in a stressed out mum. Let them do their puzzles in peace.

Homeschooling?! They’re 3 and 1 year old!

6 piece jigsaw is not impressive for a 3 yo?
What’s your brother’s opinion of his children’s intellectual enrichment or lack of thereof?

Sounds like their amazing development is down to some wonderful nurturing.

Sorry, just re-read she’s 1.

Actually. Thinking about it, if my sil asked me what homeschooling I had been doing with Dd who is 1, I would be pretty upset and feel she was judging me, certainly not praising how well I was coping.

It sounds like she doesn't need to push them and she shouldn't feel obliged to. It's great you want to help but they're not your DC, their education is down to her and your brother. I find it odd too that your laying the blame for this supposed lack of care at SILs feet, they have two parents.

She has given the one year old access to balance bike a day jigsaws and presumably spent some time on this and likely other educational activities. Why does she need to do more? Seems the kids are doing well.

If I were your SIL, my message would have been much ruder.

You sound really condescending. I'm glad you've enjoyed home schooling. Do you work? Juggling home schooling and holding down a senior job is a really hard ask. I am self-employed, as is DH, and we, like your SIL, are just glad to have managed to get through. The last 4 months have been amongst the most stressful of my entire life.

And as PP asked, what about your brother? Or are his kids not his responsibility?

@DrinkFeckArseGirls

The 1 year old did the puzzle.

And at age 1 and age 3 they should be learning through play which it sounds like they're doing.

What more do you think she should be doing? They sound happy and engaged children. No 3 year old needs to be sat doing worksheets.

1. why is it just your SIL that you are placing this responsibility on? Why didn’t you harangue your brother over it?

2. sounds like whatever she is doing is working brilliantly as her children are clearly progressing very well. Perhaps she recognises what works for them better than you, who is almost a stranger in their lives. Who is you think you are that you know better than her how she should educate her own children? And then proceed to foist your superior learning materials onto her?

I come to MN for threads such as this!

@LoveaBrew thank you.

Really, OP? You'd send homeschool links to preschoolers?

I missed they are 3 & 1. Even more odd! A 3 and 1 year old don't need home schooling.

So my message would have been EVEN ruder.