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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

206 replies

LoveaBrew · 18/07/2020 20:47

I visited my brother and SIL today and their two DC. We'd not seen each other since January, due to lockdown and us living a bit of a drive away.

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us. I took my 3 DC and they had a lovely time playing in the garden together.

While I was there I noticed that my nephew (3) had made a massive leap during lockdown - he's always been a bit shy, but now he's turned into this confident mature child. His vocabulary and reasoning skills are better than my DS7, who is in the top set in his year, despite the 4 year age gap Blush.
But it was watching my just turned 1 year old niece that left me speechless. It was like watching a 3 year old stuck in a babies body. Without telling too much, she's just learned to ride a balance bike and did a 6 piece Jigsaw with ease...

I asked SIL if they'd done much with the children during lockdown and she said something like too much TV but they tried to go for a walk once a day. I asked again about any homeschooling she'd done and she brushed off the question. I then pointed out how impressive her DC were and she just shrugged...

I have really enjoyed homeschooling during lockdown and promised to send her some of the materials we have used. I've just sent her a few links on WhatsApp and she replied: "that's very kind, honestly we're just happy if everyone is still alive at the end of the day."

I feel a bit upset, surely SIL should do her best to support her kids talents Confused She has quite a senior job so should know how important education is?

AIBU to think she should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

OP posts:
Infullbloom · 19/07/2020 12:32

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us.

I don't think you need to dig too deep to figure out why OP.

Emeraldshamrock · 19/07/2020 12:37

You're very nosey the DC are obviously thriving.
I hate people who continually ask personal questions I'll offer the information if I'd like to share it.
You sound like a nightmare SIL.

Bloomburger · 19/07/2020 12:39

I'd rather a SIL who was quite humble and blasé about their children than the knobheads you get on here who spout about their children learning Latin by the age of 3 and being able to do complex equations whilst blindfolded wearing earplugs with their hands tied behind their backs balancing on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon.

SimonJT · 19/07/2020 12:42
  1. They’re too young for school so why would she homeschool? Did you actively homeschool your children when they were one?
  2. Why don’t you have the same attitude about your brother? Not being talkative is completely irrelevant.
LaurieMarlow · 19/07/2020 12:46

Of all the made up reasons to criticise someone, failing to ‘homeschool’ a one and three year old who are obviously thriving, is right up there among the silliest.

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 19/07/2020 12:52

You’re on of those competitive parents whose always banging on about their own kids aren’t you? Stop projecting your weird performance parenting onto your SiL.

tellmetocalmdown · 19/07/2020 12:53

Oh Lawd, you sound like one of those AWFUL relatives who blames your in laws for everything whilst thinking your relative (your bro) is perfect.

No wonder your SIL doesnt want to see you, I wouldnt either. You are coming across as an interfering, nasty piece of work who appears to hold highly sexist and misogynistic views about how everything is always the woman's fault. Why is your pathetic diatribe directed only at your SIL and not your useless (by the sound of it) brother?

If I was you I'd be asking my SIL for advice since she sounds like a far better parent than you, considering how behind your children are.

Rebelwithallthecause · 19/07/2020 13:01

I didn’t home school my 3 year old and yes he’s had far too much tv a lot of the time

But he has come on leaps and bounds this lockdown in a similar way you have described of your nephew

I don’t feel like he needs more from us. He needs to have fun and enjoy this time before school starts

SmallChickBilly · 19/07/2020 13:03

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us.

Once you are feeling chippy about how they are prioritising their time, it's hard to see the positives in what you are observing.

She just seems to be quite blasé about it all. To me it's so obvious that they are talented that she should be making the most of it.

What does that mean to you? Stopping their happy children from playing and thriving and imposing some kind of learning regime on them despite it not being what any of them want?

Wecandothis99 · 19/07/2020 13:06

Sorry, you sound a bit annoying to be honest

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2020 13:09

As they have come on leaps and bounds she’s clearly doing something right op and doesn’t feel she needs your help, nor does she wish to enter conversations about it with you, leave it alone op, and stop interfering. She’s not wishing your help or to compare notes with you.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 19/07/2020 13:10

Why would you homeschool 3 and 1 year olds? If they are doing do well she mudt be doing more than she says.

Userzzz · 19/07/2020 13:11

Huh?

RoseGoldEagle · 19/07/2020 13:16

There is so much more to helping your child grow into a secure, confident, happy individual than focusing on academic ability. Your SIL sounds fab to me, she clearly has two bright children, and I’m sure she’s supporting that, but equally she’s recognised that spending time together and enjoying what they’re doing is so much more beneficial and important than pushing them academically. To be honest I think that’s true of any age, but at 3 and 1 they need to be learning through play anyway, which it sounds like they are. Sorry but unless you’d had a conversation about it and she’d asked you to, it was really inappropriate to send home schooling links to her, her response ‘thanks but honestly we’re happy to just be surviving...’ is a jokey way of politely telling you to back off there- she clearly is doing a brilliant job and I think your niece and nephew are going to turn out just fine.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2020 13:21

Agree, instead of saying wow look at those kids you’re not encouraging it enough you should step back and think who tought the one year old to ride a balance bike. Who showed them how to do a jigsaw. How did the three year old learn their vocabulary and reasoning.

When someone gives you the brush off op youneed to learn to recognise it, and back off. Not make a judgement the kids learned these things by magic and they’ve got some shite parents who need your help

1forAll74 · 19/07/2020 13:25

Something is working well for your Brothers children, learning through play,and no stress, you should be pleased about this.

namesnames · 19/07/2020 13:36

Home schooling for a 1 and 3 year old, what are you talking about?

Your SIL sounds like she's doing a great job. How do you think they have learned what they already know, especially during lockdown?

Emeraldshamrock · 19/07/2020 13:47

OP may not reply I'd bet they're still reading. Apologise to SIL see the error in your way or you'll never have a proper relationship with SIL.
Most of all stop asking nosey questions it is very annoying when competitive parents insist on keeping score.

AgentJohnson · 19/07/2020 14:00

Of all the made up reasons to criticise someone, failing to ‘homeschool’ a one and three year old who are obviously thriving, is right up there among the silliest.

This

doadeer · 19/07/2020 14:11

My sister has a really advanced little boy and she is always very very modest and not boastfull at all same as your SIL. I think you came across really OTT

doadeer · 19/07/2020 14:11

Boastful*

DotForShort · 19/07/2020 14:32

Oh, dear. This thread must be a reverse. If so, your children (the 1-year-old and the 3-year-old) sound as though they are developing well. So keep doing what you’re doing. It’s highly unlikely that you are raising a pair of geniuses. They are probably bright, inquisitive children. Enjoy.

On the slim chance this thread is genuinely not a reverse, there is nothing concerning about your niece and nephew. On the contrary, your brother and SIL seem to be raising them in a way that is developmentally appropriate. No need for homeschooling such young children. Lots of interaction, toys and activities (not formal classes, just types of play) that spark their curiosity and imagination, a language rich environment. That’s what children need.

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/07/2020 15:30

What’s a reverse mean?

Loveinatimeofcovid · 19/07/2020 15:41

Children develop at different rates. I’ve never noticed a correlation between early development and potential (although oddly you hear a lot of anecdotes of belated development blossoming into genius but I think that may just be because it makes for a more interesting story).

I’m not really sure what you expecting here, it’s not like her kids have the potential to develop a vaccine for Covid or solve climate change and what does it matter if they reach their potential to speak like an eight year old and solve puzzles with ten pieces?

It really doesn’t matter if children are developmentally ahead. Pushing them further ahead developmentally isn’t going to achieve anything.

Villanemme · 19/07/2020 17:00

It's a reverse, it's got to be. But if not I need to see the WhatsApp links before I give this thread full marks for sheer enjoyment