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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

206 replies

LoveaBrew · 18/07/2020 20:47

I visited my brother and SIL today and their two DC. We'd not seen each other since January, due to lockdown and us living a bit of a drive away.

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us. I took my 3 DC and they had a lovely time playing in the garden together.

While I was there I noticed that my nephew (3) had made a massive leap during lockdown - he's always been a bit shy, but now he's turned into this confident mature child. His vocabulary and reasoning skills are better than my DS7, who is in the top set in his year, despite the 4 year age gap Blush.
But it was watching my just turned 1 year old niece that left me speechless. It was like watching a 3 year old stuck in a babies body. Without telling too much, she's just learned to ride a balance bike and did a 6 piece Jigsaw with ease...

I asked SIL if they'd done much with the children during lockdown and she said something like too much TV but they tried to go for a walk once a day. I asked again about any homeschooling she'd done and she brushed off the question. I then pointed out how impressive her DC were and she just shrugged...

I have really enjoyed homeschooling during lockdown and promised to send her some of the materials we have used. I've just sent her a few links on WhatsApp and she replied: "that's very kind, honestly we're just happy if everyone is still alive at the end of the day."

I feel a bit upset, surely SIL should do her best to support her kids talents Confused She has quite a senior job so should know how important education is?

AIBU to think she should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveaBrew · 18/07/2020 21:24

I was having the conversation with my SIL which is why I didn't mentiony brother. He's not very talkative...

OP posts:
katy1213 · 18/07/2020 21:24

@yellowandgreentobeseen

I come to MN for threads such as this!
@LoveaBrew thank you.

And from me! And they're still not getting it!

Spanishmama0114 · 18/07/2020 21:24

Oh op I think you're being massively unreasonable.
They are 3&1, no need for homeschooling, they wouldn't be attending school anyway.
It sounds like your SIL is doing a great job bringing up her children, maybe you should ask her for tips instead of forcing yours on her.

eaglejulesk · 18/07/2020 21:24

Homeschooling at 3 and 1? They should be playing at that age, not starting schoolwork!! That's going down a serious road leading to all sorts of pressures in the future. They aren't your children, so it's nothing to do with you. Obviously the parents are doing something right - without your interference - so just let them get on with it.

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2020 21:24

You haven’t said what homeschooling you think they should have been doing.

Mydogisthebestest · 18/07/2020 21:25

You sound really very judgemental.

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2020 21:25

They're 3 and 1. Why would she homeschool them before school age. If they're going to be bright kids they'll be bright whether they're hothoused as toddlers or not.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 18/07/2020 21:25

Oh god you sound horribly judgemental and critical I'm surprised you didnt get a very rude response. You absolutely have no right to tell her how to parent her children who are clearly doing really well already.
You really have no idea what its like working with young kids at home, its hellish and you already feeling like you are doing a shit job at parenting and working because you cant give either one 100% focus so somebody sticking their nose in to say you aren't doing enough is way out of line. You sound like you dont like SIL and you are looking for a reason to criticise her.

WhatOnEarth67 · 18/07/2020 21:28

This is either trolling or a reverse.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 18/07/2020 21:28

His vocabulary and reasoning skills are better than my DS7

So maybe she should give you some tips on educating your children?

Would you like that or would you want her to keep her nose out which is exactly what you should be doing. They are clearly doing a great job with THEIR children so as to why you think sending bloody home Ed links is necessary is beyond me.

June628 · 18/07/2020 21:29

YABU

Spanishmama0114 · 18/07/2020 21:29

I think it's very telling that it's taken them this long to find time to see you op

LillianBland · 18/07/2020 21:30

@LoveaBrew

I was having the conversation with my SIL which is why I didn't mentiony brother. He's not very talkative...
Possibly just not very talkative with you. I can’t imagine why. 😒
DoubleTweenQueen · 18/07/2020 21:30

@Loveabrew Surely, if the children are already doing so well, their parents are clearly doing the right things?
You are being very unreasonable to want to put any pressure on these two little ones to perform as you think they should. I would butt out, if I were you.

Colom · 18/07/2020 21:31

They're one and three OP 😂 They don't need to be prepped for Harvard!

At this age all your brother and SIL should be encouraging is free-play. Formal education is absolutely not important at this age and in fact can be detrimental and kill their innate curiosity and drive for learning. Pretty much all the research on early child development backs this up.

I understand you mean well but in the kindest way YABU.

tinytemper66 · 18/07/2020 21:31

ODFOD

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 18/07/2020 21:31

Maybe she didnt want to tell you what theyre doing as she didnt want to make you feel bad?

Whats your brothers role?

ArriettyJones · 18/07/2020 21:33

Can I give this a negative score out of ten?

Absolutely FEEBLE attempt.

katy1213 · 18/07/2020 21:34

@LoveaBrew

Could you do us a really good CF while you're in the mood?

Purpleartichoke · 18/07/2020 21:35

As a parent of an adult barrister trapped in the body of a preschooler, I can tell you that these children need play more than anything. As they get into school age they will get plenty of academics and likely soak it up like a very dry sponge, and yes, will need an advocate to make sure they stay challenged.

However, being different from your peers can mean a very real struggle. Anxiety and depression are common. So let the kids play for now. Building emotional resilience will help them face the challenges ahead.

Megabitch · 18/07/2020 21:36

@Spanishmama0114 good point. I’ve never spoken to the op in real life and I already find her insufferable

AFireInJuly · 18/07/2020 21:37

Obviously I wasn't there, but I think you've misunderstood the situation. My interpretation is that she has actually been doing loads with her children during lockdown, hence how fast they've developed. She was just playing it down because she didn't want you to feel inadequate.

heartsonacake · 18/07/2020 21:48

YABVU and pushy. I’d be concerned about your own kids if you’re pushing them in the same way.

Being in a happy, healthy family is far better than having parents who are pushy and looking at you only as what you can achieve.

Ilovecranberries · 18/07/2020 21:49

Reverse, I guess. But you're doing pretty well with a senior job and two small children, they seem to be doing really great - ignore your nosy homeschooling SIL.

FilthyforFirth · 18/07/2020 21:53

You havent answered the repeated question of why an earth you think a 1 and 3 year old require home schooling? Do you understand, and I assume you do as a parent yourself, that 4 is the absolute youngest someone would start school?

This is the most bat shit thread I have read today and I have read the one about the 50 year old teenager upset she cant continue to play house with her 'new family'!