To think SIL should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

[LoveaBrew]

I visited my brother and SIL today and their two DC. We'd not seen each other since January, due to lockdown and us living a bit of a drive away.

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us. I took my 3 DC and they had a lovely time playing in the garden together.

While I was there I noticed that my nephew (3) had made a massive leap during lockdown - he's always been a bit shy, but now he's turned into this confident mature child. His vocabulary and reasoning skills are better than my DS7, who is in the top set in his year, despite the 4 year age gap .
But it was watching my just turned 1 year old niece that left me speechless. It was like watching a 3 year old stuck in a babies body. Without telling too much, she's just learned to ride a balance bike and did a 6 piece Jigsaw with ease...

I asked SIL if they'd done much with the children during lockdown and she said something like too much TV but they tried to go for a walk once a day. I asked again about any homeschooling she'd done and she brushed off the question. I then pointed out how impressive her DC were and she just shrugged...

I have really enjoyed homeschooling during lockdown and promised to send her some of the materials we have used. I've just sent her a few links on WhatsApp and she replied: "that's very kind, honestly we're just happy if everyone is still alive at the end of the day."

I feel a bit upset, surely SIL should do her best to support her kids talents She has quite a senior job so should know how important education is?

AIBU to think she should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

Sounds like your SIL & brother are doing a great job, I'd leave them alone if I was you.

She is aware they are bright but doesn't feel the need to gloat or rub it in anyone's face. She clearly puts a lot into her children. I presume because she greatly cares about them rather than trying to show off. You sound very pushy.

@ChicCroissaont

Our pre school sent us weekly lessons!

I think your SIL has been supporting her children! The one year old didn't buy herself a balance bike and she didn't take herself out to practice on it.

Nor did she buy herself jigsaw puzzles for her age range. (We had a lot of four to six piece puzzles which were marked 1+)

Someone, probably SIL, has been talking and chatting to the 3 year old and that's why he's thriving.

I love that what you've taken from isn't that she's clearly doing a fantastic job but that both her children are magically gifted and she's not living up to their requirements

I think the OP has to go down this route, as otherwise she has no explanation for why a 3 year old has better reasoning than her 7 year old without the alternative explanation of her being a "useless" parent.

In reality, the OP saw a snapshot, and made some assumptions, along with some assumptions about her own child which aren't that flattering.

Certainly the SIL appears to be doing everything right and doesn't need to do anything else as described.

If the children have made a massive leap during lockdown, your SIL has clearly done something right. I don’t know why you’ve got a bee in your bonnet about home schooling.

It sounds like she has done a great job in lockdown. I have a 1yo and 4yo and we spent lockdown doing the odd bit of writing (birthday cards etc with the 4yo) but mostly just learning through playing. Your SIL doesn't need specific resources, they can just do puzzles etc as that is clearly working for them. Also, young children aren't necessarily ready for more formal work. My DD is quite bright but was not very impressed when given proper reading books. I'd rather not push it too early and risk putting her off reading etc.

Sounds like she's doing a great job. Keep your nose out! Really no need to be schooling babies

So rather than thinking that your SIL has done a great job during lockdown you're assuming her children have learned all by themselves?

Also it's very telling that your post is all about your SIL and what she should be doing and how she's ignoring her children's talents. Not a single word about your brother

YABVVU. Homeschooling for a 1yo and 3yo? Everything you've said about them makes it clear that they are making great progress - through play and normal interaction, as children of their age should be doing. Ffs.

Maybe she feels embarrassed that her children are advanced and is minimising like hell! I lost friends because my daughter slept through regularly from 8 weeks

Bloody hell how brainy do you want them to be?!

Their parents are obviously doing a fantastic job

they're 1 and 3, why on earth would they be home schooling?
They're obviously thriving on what they have anyway. Mind your own business. I'd be really offended by someone sticking their nose in with my kids like this.

Her children are thriving with relaxed quietly supportive parents. How’s that bad?

What sort of training regime should a one year old be on?

Why are you assuming that it is your SIL's job to do this?

They are your brother's children as well - is there some reason why he is incapable of participating in his own children's upbringing?

She just seems to be quite blasé about it all. To me it's so obvious that they are talented that she should be making the most of it

It is literally none of your business what she does to teach her tiny preschool kids.

Let them enjoy being toddlers. They and their mother and father can worry about success much, much later in their childhood.

I love that what you've taken from isn't that she's clearly doing a fantastic job but that both her children are magically gifted and she's not living up to their requirements.

This.

Also it is so, so sexist that your thread is about your issue with your SIL not being bothered enough (by your standards) about her childrens potential but you neglect to mention if your brother is or the reason why you had the audacity to message her about it not him.

Be proud of them for raising great kids instead of clambering around to find a negative.

You sound annoying, OP. Surprised your SIL hasn't told you to fuck off. Any reason why you didn't not think your DB is 50% responsible for his kids' "education"?

Where do you think the vocabulary and bike skills came from if the SIL isn’t bothering with them?

Reverse??

A baby and a toddler don’t go to school, parents have obviously been talking, playing, chatting, bike riding, jigsawing and most likely running, playing balls, maybe a bit of painting or playdough, water, sand...you know, like normal

Stop comparing, you are going to harm your relationship with them and your own children if you do.

loveabrew don't think Oxbridge will want a one year old, jigsaw or not. They are babies. Get a grip!

Maybe she doesn't want to hot house her toddlers. Seriously, you overstepped. Keep out of it.