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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

206 replies

LoveaBrew · 18/07/2020 20:47

I visited my brother and SIL today and their two DC. We'd not seen each other since January, due to lockdown and us living a bit of a drive away.

I'd hoped to get to see them sooner, but somehow this was the earliest they could make time to meet us. I took my 3 DC and they had a lovely time playing in the garden together.

While I was there I noticed that my nephew (3) had made a massive leap during lockdown - he's always been a bit shy, but now he's turned into this confident mature child. His vocabulary and reasoning skills are better than my DS7, who is in the top set in his year, despite the 4 year age gap Blush.
But it was watching my just turned 1 year old niece that left me speechless. It was like watching a 3 year old stuck in a babies body. Without telling too much, she's just learned to ride a balance bike and did a 6 piece Jigsaw with ease...

I asked SIL if they'd done much with the children during lockdown and she said something like too much TV but they tried to go for a walk once a day. I asked again about any homeschooling she'd done and she brushed off the question. I then pointed out how impressive her DC were and she just shrugged...

I have really enjoyed homeschooling during lockdown and promised to send her some of the materials we have used. I've just sent her a few links on WhatsApp and she replied: "that's very kind, honestly we're just happy if everyone is still alive at the end of the day."

I feel a bit upset, surely SIL should do her best to support her kids talents Confused She has quite a senior job so should know how important education is?

AIBU to think she should care more about her DC achieving their potential?

OP posts:
GinDrinker00 · 18/07/2020 21:53

Sounds like you ought to be asking her for tips, not the other way round. YABU massively - I’m surprised she didn’t tell you a few choice words.

holymosquito · 18/07/2020 21:53

you might eant to brush up on the EYFS curriculum for this age group and have a look at what early years education looks like. They are 1 and 3 FFS! why would anyone be homeschooling at that age?

RonnieBob · 18/07/2020 21:54

If the children are so advanced then surely they ‘are reaching their potential’ ffs. Let kids be kids.

FloggingMoll · 18/07/2020 21:56

Do you have form for being judgemental, OP? Maybe this is why you haven't been invited round sooner...

HD98 · 18/07/2020 22:02

First of all, why are you aiming all this at her and not your brother as well?
And 'has she done much work with them?' The 1 and 3 y/o?
Kids, especially so young, are meant to learn through play. 'Too much tv' is a problem if it really is too much, but the fact that they get out everyday, have been doing puzzles and learning to ride a bike surely means that they have been spending time with and teaching them?
The kids wouldn't be smart and skilled if they didn't get interaction. Clearly they do.

What sort of materials have you been sending her for 'homeschooling'? What are you expecting? Seriously, I want to know.

NotIncandescentWithRage · 18/07/2020 22:02

She doesn’t want to talk to you about it.

She didn’t want the links you sent her.

She realises the children are 1 and 3 and don’t require homeschooling.

She wants you to stop sticking your beak in.

You sound pushy. She knows this.

backseatcookers · 18/07/2020 22:03

@LoveaBrew

I was having the conversation with my SIL which is why I didn't mentiony brother. He's not very talkative...
You messaged only her afterwards not both of them or just him.

You clearly see it as a woman's responsibility to manage the children. Which is really sad especially as to be honest it sounds like they are both doing a fucking awesome job!

Are you usually a half glass empty kind of person? I'm not sure I'd be that close or talkative to a sibling who thought I was displaying poor parenting by letting my 1 and 3 year old be children and learn through play to be honest. Especially if it was working so well.

HD98 · 18/07/2020 22:03

And what is the 'potential' you are expecting them to reach? They seem to already be hitting their milestones early, so surely that is reaching their potential. You seem to think the 1 y/o teaches herself to ride a bike?

HisNibs · 18/07/2020 22:03

As another pp said... read between the lines. The kids development hasn't come from nowhere. Questioning their home schooling despite being able to see for yourself that they have made great progress sounds a bit overbearing to me. Your SIL's reply was more polite than mine would have been.

Anon234 · 18/07/2020 22:05

I'm afraid if I were your SIL I would be telling my husband in no uncertain terms that I don't want his meddling sister coming to our home again any time soon and making me feel like a crap mum for not homeschooling our toddlers!

Candyfloss99 · 18/07/2020 22:06

Ugh your poor SIL. Keep out of it. Goodness knows what you'd be like if you thought they were behind.

SunshineCake · 18/07/2020 22:06

Are you quite well?

You say how well the children are doing, completely miss her cues, accuse her of not caring about her kids education and then again, don't make any sense.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/07/2020 22:08

Maybe ask her what she’s doing to get some tips?

netflixismysidehustle · 18/07/2020 22:10

This has got to be a reverse?
Children go to school at 4 in England so a 3?and 1 year old don't need homeSCHOOLing. She clearly doesn't want to discuss anything that she's been doing with you. Why is the pressure on her to educate and not your brother?

Anoisagusaris · 18/07/2020 22:11

Homeschooling a 1 and 3 year old?? Are you taking the piss?? 🤣🤣🤣

SwedishK · 18/07/2020 22:11

If you were my SIL I would be very annoyed by you. No wonder they haven't had time to see you for so long.

You don't home school toddlers. You spend time with them and do fun things. There is really no need for her to be putting pressure on her kids to learn more than they already are. It's this sort of mentality that creates mental issues when they get older.

I have a son who, I guess you can say, is naturally gifted and he has always found school very easy with minimal effort. However he has always been pressured by my DH's side of the family to do better which has taken away all the joy of learning. If he gets 95% on a test nobody from that side of the family will be happy for him, their first comment is always "if you study properly next time you can get 100%". This happens even though I always tell them to not make comments like this as it makes him feel like he's never good enough. I couldn't care less if he gets a 9* or a 4 as long as he isn't living under the assumption that he has to perform better to please others.

Gurtcha · 18/07/2020 22:11

Reading through your comment, maybe it was wrong to send them the links. I'm a SAHM and I knew they had a lot on, so I was trying to be helpful

Literally no one is this tone deaf without being malicious. So you either had a malevolent agenda or this is a cool story bro.

Fatted · 18/07/2020 22:12

FMIL, homeschooling a 3YO and a 1 YO?! I've heard it all now. The parents, because it's both parents responsibility to raise the kids, are obviously doing something right. Leave them alone!

FWIW my eldest largely taught himself how to read from a young age. He is still an excellent reader now. I haven't pushed him because I'd sooner it was something he enjoyed. He also has possible SEN and/or ADHD so struggles with other areas of school work. Because of this his downtime away from school work is really important.

CuppaZa · 18/07/2020 22:14

For God sake OP, wind your neck in.

LaurieMarlow · 18/07/2020 22:16

What is this batshittery OP?

Reverse?

AWryGiraffe · 18/07/2020 22:17

Definitely a joke!

My 1 year old has learned how to pick her nose in lockdown, so I'm clearly nailing this homeschooling thing too.

Nackajory · 18/07/2020 22:19

What right have you got to tell someone else what they should care about. The kids are fine. Butt out.

Iliketeaagain · 18/07/2020 22:26

I'm completely Confused at the OP I just read.. my dd is not far off 3 and the "homeschooling" she gets is mainly her big sister taking great delight in teaching her new things - the nursery joked I must have intensively home schooled her when she went back at the beginning of June.. Nope, she's a normal inquisitive toddler who recites the alphabet and learned her letters because her big sister sang the song at her about a million times playing "schools" (and is a much more patient "teacher" than me Grin).

Toddlers do not need "home schooled".. I'm with your SIL, even with my elder one, who fortunately a has been motivated to do her English and maths every day, as long as every one is fed, watered and we haven't needed a trip to a&e at the end of the day, it's a success.

Why on earth would you think a 3 & 1 year old would need "homeschooling"?

Drivingdownthe101 · 18/07/2020 22:27

If they can ride bikes and do jigsaws then it’s because they are giving them the opportunity to do those things.
Which is exactly what needs to be done with a 3 and 1 year old. They need to be given the opportunity to learn.
Sounds like your SIL is doing a fab job without your input.

AlexaShutUp · 18/07/2020 22:28

She sounds like a great mum, and her kids are obviously thriving. You sound weirdly pushy, which never gets great results. Tiny children learn naturally through play and through interaction with their care givers. They definitely do not need to be home schooled, and it would be counter productive to do so

You also sound very judgemental about your SIL's parenting skills, which is odd in light of the fact that you were clearly impressed by her children.