To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

Oh I would be so naughty and admit a weak bladder asking anyone else with one would they prefer my house, loo provided

@MoveOnTheCards

You could join by zoom... while necking prosecco on the loo...

Nicely played OP
I would have declined to go but this way you see your drives and drink your mini Prosecco 😂

No way would I go. You can take sensible precautions by using gloves and wipes.

Is she so demanding and restrictive with all your social arrangements? Aside from the toilet situation, I really couldn't be arsed attending anywhere where I was told what to bring in such a specific way as that - it's such bad manners. I also wouldn't relish the thought of having a "platter" made up for me if it's buffet type food. I'm not a fussy eater by any means but buffet food usually includes some types of food I just don't enjoy eg sausage rolls or pork pies, so potentially there could be a lot of waste and offence caused.

Really, there should have been an arrangement whereby you all just took your own food and drink. Easier all round. And of course - allow access to the toilet!!

If you have to drive you wont be able to have much prosecco anyway so why does she want you all to bring one ?
I would just say i will have to decline lunch and just pop into say hi a my bladder wont allow me to stay any longer , really sorry
What do your other friends plan to do ?
Alternatively turn up with a childs potty and see her reaction

I was going to suggest zoom aswell. It'll be interesting if everyone else agrees with you, she might rethink it.

Do people not close the lid on the toilet before flushing anyway? Covid aside people should be doing this, especially if its a toilet in the bathroom. 💩 particles on your toothbrush 🤢🤮

I wouldn't be able to go without the need of using the loo. She could easily leave a spray and kitchen roll so people can clean when they finish.

I'd suggest that you meet half way for a picnic. Is there a nice parkland, forest, national trust place. Everyone can take their own food/drink. May be proper toilets or at least opportunity to wee behind tree.

I agree with what you’ve done OP, I wouldn’t have taken a bottle of prosecco and drunk it knowing that there wasn’t a loo I could use.

Your friend is, for whatever reason, being a bit of a rubbish host. You want people over? You need to let them use a loo.

Honestly I wouldnt bother. I always need the toilet. What's the point of bringing an expensive bottle that you cant drink?! Unless you say no thanks to the lunch and pop in afterwards just for an hour, for a cup of tea and chat.

Sorry, I know I’m Irish and our idea of “Inviting” is often very different but IMO she’s not inviting you to lunch at all with her grabby demands.
She’s merely offering to provide a venue!

In my world you don’t “Invite” someone to lunch but demand they make a contribution to the food and bring a bottle. . Don’t get me wrong as I would be the first to offer/take something along but I would be pretty miffed at being “Told” and would decline purely for that reason. If I invite anyone for lunch I fully expect to cover all costs.

Also, with regards to the loo situation, if you do go knowing you can’t use the loo, I guarantee you will need to go within 5 minutes of arriving.☹️

Nah, I’d definitely give this offer a very wide berth! I love the idea of Zooming in with said bottle of Prosecco in hand and a very large, full to the brim glass. 😂

But like I said @ivykaty44 if your worried you don't invite people round with a bottle of Prosecco if they can't use the loo . And in all honesty if you really are worried you wouldn't invite people round anyway in case they touch anything or breath .
What does she suggest you do hold it in or wee outside?
I'm quite interested to find out what happens now if one of the others drinks a full bottle and is bursting.

I need the toilet just reading this thread.

Oops sorry OP as I’ve just spotted your last posts.

Good idea! Love the fact somebody else in the group is doing the same. Grabby host is going to be somewhat disappointed isn’t she? 😂

@Rafflesway

Sorry, I know I’m Irish and our idea of “Inviting” is often very different but IMO she’s not inviting you to lunch at all with her grabby demands. She’s merely offering to provide a venue!

In my world you don’t “Invite” someone to lunch but demand they make a contribution to the food and bring a bottle. . Don’t get me wrong as I would be the first to offer/take something along but I would be pretty miffed at being “Told” and would decline purely for that reason. If I invite anyone for lunch I fully expect to cover all costs.

Also, with regards to the loo situation, if you do go knowing you can’t use the loo, I guarantee you will need to go within 5 minutes of arriving.☹️

Nah, I’d definitely give this offer a very wide berth! I love the idea of Zooming in with said bottle of Prosecco in hand and a very large, full to the brim glass. 😂

It's tricky though, because the guidelines here are for guests to bring their own food. So it's not normal CFery. Also, it's try to avoid people coming into the house to use the loo (although it's excepted that this may happen).

The OP is totally within their rights not to go, and the "host" is taking the rules quite far, but I just think the most important thing at the moment is to try to understand that we're all in different places with this pandemic and our own response to it. If people are following the guidelines very strictly, that's not a bad thing - society needs people to do this and those that are most stringent are helping maintain low levels of the virus for population in general.

I do think the loo thing is a bit OTT - far better to say "We're taking this really seriously and we're a bit anxious about having people in the house after so long, so I'll put out cleaning wipes and a pile of fresh towels for if you really need a wee"

Yeah, I probably wouldn't go. I understand people are anxious etc at the moment, but if you're too anxious to allow trusted friends to use your toilet, then maybe it's too soon for you to be hosting lunch? Especially if you're being told to take a bottle, and then the toilet rule means you then have to drive.

I've had people here for lunch, we just disinfected the downstairs loo before they came, fresh towels etc, that was exclusively for them to use and we used the upstairs loo while they were there. Then clean again, replace towels etc after. I'd still have people round if it was my only toilet, I'd just put a pack of dettol wipes in there and ask my friends to wipe things down when they're done.

I might feel differently if the only toilet was upstairs, mind you.

If shes that worried about the virus, then she shouldnt be having a gathering.

What about cleaning the glasses and cutlery, people helping themselves to the food.

Its just not going to work

Thanks all. To clarify, I don't need to drive and hour each way. The hour is to walk which I would do if drinking and on this occasion no one in my household available to give me a lift. I have sympathy with anyone taking whatever measures they need to get though this, it's just very mixed risk taking (I.e. happy for us to use glasses, plates etc bit not the loo), and not thinking about her guests.

My friends have a mutual thing, ie we invite eachother over but don't use eachother's toilets. However, I think it's unrealistic to drink a bottle of prosecco each and no one need the toilet within a couple of hours. If you'd like to go, try not to drink much beforehand and take a small bottle of wine/bubbly (ie a glass full) and just politely say you've only bought a small bottle as you don't want to be tempted to drinking any more as you'll need the toilet!

Yeah, those who get a she wee. Get lost of practise in with them before using them when caught short. They're not as easy to use as you think.

Quite. The first time I used mine I got it the wrong way round and pissed all over my slippers

How will a shewee help in this situation? Is the host going to designate a corner of the garden to piss in? Or maybe the OP should plan to piss up against the house wall?

No way - you can't possibly go, your 'psychological bladder' will kick in. It knows when you're unable to use the toilet and promptly tells your brain that you simply must wee immediately.

Your friend is very unreasonable to expect you to last a lunch date along with the travel both ways with out needing the toilet. If it was me I'd not go and let her know why. She might reconsider and supply antibac wipes or something.

Or you could go and hope she gets so drunk that she no longer cares whether you use her bathroom or not.

She is being unreasonable, don’t go.