To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

I wouldn’t go.

Have bladder issues and even if not drinking alcohol Or much at all would need to go. The demands and contradictory restrictions would piss me off.

If she doesn’t want people indoors, she shouldn’t invitw people to come over to booze!

If you're going somewhere to have food and drink there must be a toilet available. I wouldn't go and tell her and everyone else why.

I've been seeing friends for a cuppa in the garden but only for an hour or so and haven't needed the loo. I would definitely need it if having lunch and prosecco so wouldn't go. I would want to wash my hands before lunch anyway.

Mad to invite under those circumstances, I would need the loo as soon as I arrived, and at least once or twice while I was there and before I left.

Totally ridiculous. Politely decline.

Sorry if I’ve missed this, but has she said what she expects all her guests to do in the pretty much certain event of them needing the loo? Does she expect you to just leave?

Yeah, those who get a she wee. Get lost of practise in with them before using them when caught short. They're not as easy to use as you think

Very true however now I'm pretty sure I could write my name in the snow

Just be honest, she might change her mind.

Sorry, I see you’ve already told her. That makes the most sense, I understand people being anxious but maybe a lunch isn’t the best thing to host in that scenario.

How irritating and a bit strange. Your plan sounds good though.

On a separate note had to laugh at a previous poster with her poo particles flying haywire around the bathroom dousing the toothbrushes 😂. The horrors!!

I would cry off and not go , or just take a small soft drink of your own , and stop until you need the loo .

I would in all seriousness just ask her in the group chat which bush she would like you to piss behind and if she is providing loo roll and nappy bags or if you should supply your own (but then I’m a bit of a bitch)

I guess I’m lucky as I have three toilets! However anyone coming around the house can only use the downstairs one - and I do leave detol wipes around and left up the note from the beginning of the coronavirus to wipe taps afterwards. Also to leave loo seat down and leave a window open.

Of course I don’t police it - but unfortunately - and without being too graphic - there is a heightened risk in a toilet - especially if you’ve done a number two!

Number two 😂😂😂

It is very strange. If she just wanted to get everyone together, then surely she would have agreed to having it at your house, so it would suggest that she wants free wine and food. She sounds like a remarkably poor host, in any case. Absolutely fine that people don't want anyone in their house at the moment, but don't invite people over if that is the case.

I would decline, you can't go to someone's house and drink but not use the toilet!

Perfect reply OP. Good you can get a bit of a catch up and proper catch up at yours next time.

I wouldn't and couldn't go, as I need the loo at least once sometimes twice an hr. Tell her no, and tell her why.

Just squat and pee in her bushes

Totally ludicrous. Just clean toilet after guests leave and ask people to clean loo seat with wipes. I wouldn't go simply because she is being bonkers.

Wear an adult nappy? I think your friend is being OTT but a lot of people are grappling with illogical anxieties. People who go on protests and know they wont be able to use a toilet wear adult nappies. Noone would need to know :-)

Shit in her garden. I've got IBS and if a friend said I couldn't use their loo I'd not bother with them anymore tbh.

Don’t go, and explain why. If she isn’t ready for people to use her downstairs toilet she really is not ready to host a lunch and does need to be told that.

Less charitable friend is probably right.