To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

[MoveOnTheCards]

Nah. I’d politely decline and suggest postponing the meet-up for a bit, especially if she’s not prepared to attend if it’s hosted somewhere where guests can use a loo.

We had a similar invitation to travel some distance to eat our own picnic in a family member’s garden and not use their separate/downstairs loo. . We declined and suggested meeting up when things were a little more relaxed.

[Nottherealslimshady]

I wouldn't take prosecco or a lunch contribution and just chat for a bit then say you have to go home because you need the loo.

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

Def dont take prosecco etc.

Those coming out of shielding/ just doig garden visits are used to this. Of course free to say no, but its quite normal for those only doing outdoor visits. They woildnt see anyone if they didnt do garden visits!

[HavingAMoan]

Don’t spend a tenner on Prosecco just go to Aldi!

It sounds like an expensive lunch, what’s she providing if you are all bringing the Prosecco and a food contribution?

[Stellakent]

I wouldn't go. She's being utterly ridiculous.

[CodenameVillanelle]

@PineappleUpsideDownCake

I'm part of a group of friends doing garden visits without loo access. We just go before we go.

Id say you'll need the loo too soon but next time lets do your house?

You can't do that if you're having a Prosecco lunch. It's ridiculous.

[gamerchick]

Don't go. Seriously, you'll stress that much you won't enjoy it anyway.

I have garden gatherings but I have a downstairs toilet and strict rules in place for guests to follow when using it. I wouldn't visit where I couldn't use a toilet. Full stop. Tell her you'll look forward when things are back to normal and hope she has a good time.

[MoveOnTheCards]

You could join by zoom... while necking prosecco on the loo...

[ChangeThePassword]

Would you be willing to go by car and explain that you'll provide a soft drink instead as you'll be driving?

[NoSquirrels]

I’d do what you say, and explain politely that without access to a toilet you can only stay for an hour so you’ll arrive after lunch instead.

She can hardly object to that! Do t make a fuss, but don’t be ashamed either.

[TARSCOUT]

As someone with crohns and a weak bladder I just wouldn't go but invite everyone to mine next week. Wouldn't matter if it was tea or juice or prosecco f I need to go, I need to go.

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

Weve had regular drinks in the evening but our bladders held for a couple of hours. I know theres times Ive had UTIs and Ive Ive not managed that so I do think saying you could go but not stay long would be a good compromise.

We've had lunches here (but without prosecco!)

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

But yes suggest yours for next time ans say you'd need the loo access. Any friend would understand that surely

[Gogogadgetarms]

No wee wee?
No me me.

[AlexaShutUp]

Don't go if you're going to struggle with this. It's fair enough to decline the invitation on this basis.

A lot of people would be surprised about the idea of needing the toilet every hour or so, so she probably just doesn't realise that this will be problematic for anyone. At least she told you in advance!

[roxfox]

Don't go. If you do don't take any processco and don't stay long. Fuck that. Selfish people. She should've agreed to come to yours if she doesn't want you in her toilet.

[Smallsteps88]

@Gogogadgetarms

No wee wee?
No me me.

[roxfox]

@MoveOnTheCards

You could join by zoom... while necking prosecco on the loo...

Hahaha op do this!!!

[endofthelinefinally]

I am immunosuppressed and am venturing out to a friend's garden for the first time (since March) this weekend.
I will be taking my own wipes and hand cleanser and will take great care to clean and disinfect her downstairs facilities before and after I use them. Apart from careful hand washing I think that is perfectly adequate.
You can't invite someone to lunch and not let them use the loo.
YANBU.

[Fatted]

It's not on. You can't invite people over to have alcohol and not let them use the loo.

We've had visitors. Our downstairs loo is right by the back door. Family use upstairs. Guests use downstairs. Everyone should be washing their hands as standard when they go to the toilet surely anyway?!

[MaryShelley1818]

I would decline. I'm pregnant and have IBS and going anywhere without access to a toilet would be a definite no for me.
I think it's really rude and bordering on ridiculous.

[longwayoff]

Ridiculous. Tell her you'll see her when restaurants reopen and everyone can be happy.

[pigsDOfly]

Oh God, I couldn't go to that; if I know there's not access to a loo it makes me want to wee even more.

I think I'd decline in your shoes OP.

I'm seriously considering buying a She Wee as I tend to need to the loo after a couple of hours and so at the moment it's making me not want to travel very far. I hate using public loos at the best of times.

[Shoxfordian]

Don't go, she's asked you all over knowing you'll probably all need the loo at some point. Do the others know this is the case?

[helia]

I don't get this. I thought only one household could meet another at a time and yet she's OK with that but not with you also using her loo. Weird picking and choosing.