to want to kill our lodger?

[PSCMUM]

He is a pig. He leaves socks everywhere. He does not do his own washing up. WE have a cleaner who comes once a week, she cleans while we are out, he comes home before we do, and effectively trashes the place. Pots in the sink, washing on the kitchen floor, (yesterday it was on the dining table!), shoes everywhere, wet towels on the bathroom floor, I just found a glass of wine outside his room with MOULD in it. I came home from work today, walked into my bedroom, to find that he had been using the computer in here (totally fine) but had left his coffee cip and half a plate of steak and kidney pie in here!!! (not ok) am so furious. I had to relly talk myself into nt hurling into his bedroom.

He is so nice though, really nice with the children, really plays with them, chats to them, explains things to them. But I might still have to kill him.

Murder on the kitchen floor.

YOu see him out with friends then hold your head up high and pretend you don't give a shit. If people ask them give them the truth. He will come off looking worse to anyone who is worth having as a friend.

I've been through this a couple of times. It's harsh, but it works out for the best.

And after a couple fo years the friendships with th e ex-lodgers have restarted, and been better than ever.

An d remember he is the one being a shite friend - you have not only given him a home and put up with all his shite, but you have given him many oppotunities to change.

He is the one that has broken the friendship by treating you like shite.

The ball has been in his court, he has chosen to piss you off and avoid you rather than sorting it out.

Remember you are in the right, you have done all you can and he is the one being an arsehole.

A true friend would not treat you liek that.

gonna sound harsh but he needs to get a life and have some respect for other people. and you need to have some love for yourself and your kids and home. He's 27!!! for gods sake,not 15. Love you for being far more tolerant than me but some of it is outrageous-do your kids sleep through his middle of the night stuff - you obviously don't...

He is 27???? I thought we were talking of a 17 year old!!!

The lodger is 22 which is still old enough to know better!!

I haven't been on mumsnet for a while, came on tonight, saw this thread still going...
WHY IS HE STILL THERE???

He is now deliberately avoiding you because he knows what you will want to talk about. So I was going to post my advice but MrsGokWan has already done it.
But I'll repeat it anyway as none of our advice so far seems to have sunk in (sorry)
Text him TONIGHT and tell him that you have had enough, he can only return to pick up his stuff and if he hasn't done so within 48 hours you will take it all to the tip.

HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND HE IS A PISS-TAKER!!!!

Would you ever, in a million years, treat your friends like this?

Hear, hear FB!!

PSCMUM.

Re your comments:-
"Yes, I know we have to get rid".

"Hurrah. Well put on your Nike Expression i.e Just do it!".

"My husband is not weak whoever said that! He is just VERY chilled out and calm, he doesn't mind as much as I do, and he does do as much clearing up after him as I do."

Well what is he then, he certainly comes across as even more lily livered/afraid of him than you are - you're both clearing up after him for goodness sake!!. This lodger of yours is a pisstaker of the first order.

thanks all.

tigermoth - no, he does NOT represent my cool care free youth. he is quite the opposite in fact, - makes me feel like his mum! I'd love to be a young married couple with kids without lodger, but we cannot afford it.

So, did he leave the other half of the rent on the table the following day? Or are you still chasing that?

What about paying for the damage he causes? Or does he think that his rent provides insurance cover for such issues??

Yes, he did come up with the rent, and yesterday he cooked dinner for everyone, today has been at home all day and actually got up in the MORNING and helped me with kids as middle one sick. Then he tidied up the lounge, and he has just offered to babysit on friday night?!
total turnaround, possibly stemming from an overheard conversation yesterday - me and DH in bed arguing, me saying he has to go, DH saying he feels sorry for him, blah blah. Then he came out of the downstairs bathroom - which we had not known he was in as he was so queit. I don't know. Maybe thats it, or maybe he has realised on his own, or maybe he is having a 'nice' 48 hours. I don't know. But the ideal outcome to all of this for me woudl be for him to sort himself out, pay his rent on time, not be a slob and not ring the door bell everynight at midnigh (actually he did do that last night again..hmmm) and for us all to live happily ever after...i thought this was ridiculous, but the last couple of days I'm starting to think, maybe its ok.

Anyway, me and DH have agreed that if anymore 'incidents' between now and Friday, that we will give him a fortnights notice via email the day after said incident.

Keep you posted!

sounds better.

Keep reminding yourself how bad he can be though so you don't go soft if he keeps this up for a while and then slips back.

Hope he continues like this.

I know armadillo -= thanks. I will. We're now on one strike and you're out, and that will continue. I think I finally made DH realise how exhuiasted the whole thing was making me - not just the tidying up after him etc, buit the emotional strain and the downright fury of it! DH's response to my moaning was to do more of the tidying up himself - not what I wanted! So yes, hope it'll all be ok from here.

It all sounds good, and I don't think you are being too soft in giving him a chance to prove he is pulling his socks up.

He has now made a series of specific offers - friday babysitting etc etc. If nothing comes of it, you'll know very quickly.

Actually what I'd do at the same time as giving him a chance, is make some secret enquiries about getting in a new lodger if the worst happens. Contact letting agencies, college accommodation organisations or whatever, so if you have to say a quick goodbye to DL, you will be hitting the ground running.

You really don't want to feel like DL's mum any more. I can see that I was wrong about him representing your youth!

PCSMUM, it's good to hear that your DL seems to be acting a little better towards you and your family, lets hope that he keeps it up.

Also I second what Tigermoth says regarding making secret enquires about getting another lodger if you should need it.

Hope all goes well.

have contacted 3 london universities accomodation offices today and asked them to send info on advertising our room to post grads.

am inspired by my fellow Mners!

leave that info pack on the dining room table for your lodger to find!

How's it going PSCMUM, is DL still behaving himself?

Whats happening? Any news? All ok?

ok dudes. with my totally ashamed you were all right i was wrong hat on....
he is still ringing the door bell at 3am, has paid back some of the rent he owes us, but it still pretty much a month and a half in arrears at any given time.
Have AT LAST agreed with DH that we will advertise the room again. We're not giving him notice till we find someone else, which should hopefully be soon, as then he will not pay us another penny I'm sure of it.
It finally came to a head this week - I've been working 12 hour days, coming back utterly exhausted, and then having to get up at 3am to let him in. I;'m so exhuasted I fell asleep at work. Bad.

xx

i wnat to bump this so some of you see it and come and shout at me! know its all my own silly fault. i know. i am too soft. i mean, if you have to work late and you don't have a key to your house, that is fine - but what is forcing him to stay out til 3am???? He hasn't come home before 2/3 any night this week, fucking door bell every night. And I'm, up at 5.30 to go to work.

Not going to yell, just pat you gently on the back and say well done for advertising. Hope you find someone soon, and lets face it, you could hardly find someone worse.

Btw, does he not have a house key? Why does he always have to get you up?