to want to kill our lodger?

[PSCMUM]

He is a pig. He leaves socks everywhere. He does not do his own washing up. WE have a cleaner who comes once a week, she cleans while we are out, he comes home before we do, and effectively trashes the place. Pots in the sink, washing on the kitchen floor, (yesterday it was on the dining table!), shoes everywhere, wet towels on the bathroom floor, I just found a glass of wine outside his room with MOULD in it. I came home from work today, walked into my bedroom, to find that he had been using the computer in here (totally fine) but had left his coffee cip and half a plate of steak and kidney pie in here!!! (not ok) am so furious. I had to relly talk myself into nt hurling into his bedroom.

He is so nice though, really nice with the children, really plays with them, chats to them, explains things to them. But I might still have to kill him.

Murder on the kitchen floor.

[TheArmadillo]

no tell me about the threesome!

I have had noisy sex couple who left naked pictures around, but not threesome (shared a house where one guy made porn in his bedroom though )

[LittleBella]

ROFL this gets better and better.

I was going to go to bed, but I need to hear about the threesome

[margoandjerry]

Gosh, he sounds awful. Really appalling. But then you say he's lovely? I'm confused. Either you are a bit mad or he is some sort of jekyll and hyde character. The way he is behaving is tremendously disrespectful - almost aggressively so I would say. Yet he's lovely?

OK I know I live on my own and could do with being a bit more tolerant of others but this sounds ridiculous.

Time to get rid, surely?

[PSCMUM]

ANd also I am yet to mention his front door key phobia, I presume this, as he loses them all the time. Anyway, abotu a month ago, it was aounrd 3am, he had got into a great little routine of going out all night, then coming home, and ringing the door bell at about 2am for me / dh to let him in. charming. i wanted to just leave him on the door step in the hope he woudl perish and die, but dh would let him in. So he lived. Anyway, anbout a month ago, around 3am .I opened the door and there was lodger, and a girl, and I was in such a blur I didn't notice much else I jsut opened it looked at him like 'youa re lower than pond life' and went to bed. THen there was so much upping and downing the stairs I did not know what the heck was happening. Then the noise. Lots of noise. Noise like 'but how are two people making three noises at the same time?' kind of noise. I really could not understand. Then I got up at 6am to do school run and go to work, like normal people, and I saw really gigantic shoes in the hall, man shoes. So I thought, was that a man he was sleeping with last night? Or a girl with really huge feet and revolting shoes? Then I took everyone to school and all that, popped home on way past to work, and found three people sat around my roof terrace table. Lodger, man (with shoes) and girl. Girl in very small underwear. Boys in very small underwear. Thank jesus i came home as they may well have treated neighbours with upstairs windows to wuite a show.

[LittleBella]

LOLOLOL you are a very very tolerant woman

Why is your DH not turning this man out on the street?

He has to go. However much entertainment he provides to Mumsnet. I shall miss him. But you probably won't.

[hoxtonchick]

send him back to his mother pronto .

[TheArmadillo]

OK you really need ot make it clear to him that he is living in a family home adn that he needs to curtail his behaviour because of that.

He can do what he wants outside of the home, but not in it. There are certain standards of behaviour and cleanliness that he needs to adhere to or you will find someone else.

Don't put up with his back arguments, make it very clear that the choice is between 'tow the line' adn 'find somewhere else to live'.

It may be that you have to look for someone else.

[PSCMUM]

yes, i know i am seriously tolerant, but the only thing stopping me flinging him out is that he is nice wiht the kids, really chilled out, chats to them, plays with them, is lovely with them, gets on great with DH, and if I can stop smouldering about the mess, with me also - same politics, interests, etc. And I am scared I will not get another lodger who is so nice to the kids, so I kind of think ( i know this is seriosluy martyring) i shoudl just put up with it while we need the money, then get rid of him when we no longer need a lodger. I refer you to the how much is your mortgage thread for how much we need a lodger!

[jeangenie]

I think you should kill him
(although the threesome and vibrator stories are quite funny they do not make up for the mess)

[PSCMUM]

i have no objections to his having a 3 some in my house actually, i object to hearing it, to opening the door to him at 3am, and to them carrying it on onto the roof terrace, but not if he just ahd a discreet little threesome in his room. That;d be totally ok! ANd I feel like telling him he is seriously lukcy I woudl put up with that so not to push his luck!

[TheArmadillo]

Is this your first lodger btw?

Just wondering cos in all honesty, with the experiences I've had, I'd be packing this ones bags for him.

Some people think they can get by on charm and personality. They can be good as friends, but terrible to live with ime.

[PSCMUM]

i know yes, its our first lodger. i fear it wil lget worse..but how? what could he possibly do next?!

DH wants to have revenge loud sex in early mornings. Pointed out slight flaw in plan that dcs would all be running around. WE are back to the drawing board.

[tatt]

thank you for the light relief

YANBU - in fact you're a saint to still think he is nice.

Put his rent up " to cover cleaning and breakages".

[TheArmadillo]

There are good lodgers out there - usually the ones that live entirely in their own room and you don't see them. Remember you can look for another one, interview them in a pub or something and then once agreed give lodger one months notice.

I know what it's like to need them for the money. I could not survive without that extra income, and have done the sneaky thing before.

[TheWorstMotherInTheWorld]

get rid of him and get a middle-aged woman instead

[LittleBella]

OK I would send your kids to your mother's for the weekend and have loud sex...

oh no actually, scrap that, he'd come and knock on the door and try and join in...

[Pruners]

Message withdrawn

[margoandjerry]

Don't care how nice to your kids he is. He's dreadful and disrespectful. Bad example to your kids if you want to look at it that way.

Am put in mind of this:

which will give you strength to get rid

[Flibbertyjibbet]

If you and DH having loud sex I suspect this lodger would try to join in.
Go to the citizens advice or consult a lawyer as he may have 'implied' contractual rights to notice etc then depending what they say just give him notice and dump all his stuff outside on the last day, or dump all his stuff outside tomorrow.

He is not a lodger he is a piss-taker.

[TheArmadillo]

Ime - and I have lived with a lot of other people (dp adn I have never lived alone together, and having only one other person with us is the least we have ever had), people liek this don't change. They resent being told what to do, especially when it means more effort on their part. Building resentment causes a bad home atmosphere.

He might agree to change, but I wouldn't personally bet on it.

[PSCMUM]

could have 3 some with really pretty girl reall loudly, and lock door. so he had to listen but coudl not join in.

(dont want to though...!)

i prefer the pots and pans in bed plan. Escpecially the ones with curry

O AND ANOTHER THING! when we got back from hols this year, we were in Morocco for 2 weeks, got home to find he had not taken bin out whole time we were away. he had just pile rubbhish NEXT TO IT (high pithced voice )

[PSCMUM]

yes, he must go, the movement is building. i know, he is a slefish little prick. i know this i know this. i must put chucking him higher up on my list of things to do. i will,. i must. i am strong he is weak.

HE is a friend though.

O god I am pathetic.

ANd the only reason he lives with us is his came to live in London from Northern Ireland with his gf. THen she dumped him and he was left homeless. So he stayed at various friends houses for ages, never actually, you know paying anyone any rent,. even thou he is working, a few times he ran out of friends to stay wiht and just turned up at our door, rucksack in hand, begging to stay with us. and then when we were buying a bigger house, we thought, soliution for everyone, he can move i, help out with the mortgage, and stop being such a beggar all the time.

ooops. I ignored many many warning signs.