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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At 39 weeks pregnant would you be happy with this?

212 replies

Cigarhands · 03/07/2020 20:10

My boyfriend has just informed me that 8 days before the due date of our son (first baby) he is going to Manchester to help his elderly Grandma move house. Manchester is around 1.5 hours from our house. I've said this is daft, and someone else needs to help, he argues he will be home within 1.5 hours if I need him, the odds are I won't go into labour at 39 weeks and for me to go from no signs whatsoever giving birth within 1.5 hours would be very unlikely.

I'm ready to tell him he's not welcome in the delivery room at this point, whatever day it may be Angry AIBU????

OP posts:
GolfForBrains · 03/07/2020 20:13

What he said. 1.5 hours is nothing. It used to take me an hour to get home from work!

beelzeboob · 03/07/2020 20:14

Yabu. I’d let him help his grandma.
He’ll be home if you need him.

cochineal7 · 03/07/2020 20:15

I am saying this gently, but yes, YABabitU. He is gone for 1 day, and 1.5 hours away. It is 8 days to go and considering it’s your first, it might be longer. If he had a job that required some travel would you have him stay home every day? Pick your battles, this should not be one of them.

UltimateWednesday · 03/07/2020 20:15

He's right. Lots of men would be 1.5 hours away at work.

HeeeeyDuggee · 03/07/2020 20:17

Sorry YABU. It’s unlikely you’ll go into labour and if you do he’ll most likely be back within plenty of time.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/07/2020 20:18

Is your pregnancy high risk or anything or have you had previous quick labours? If it's your first baby and you have a low risk pregnancy then the odds are he will be able to get back ok. I'd ask him to keep his phone on at all times and be prepared to drop everything if you need him and be prepared for false alarms at that stage

livingthegoodlife · 03/07/2020 20:18

Yabu

Littlepoppet1 · 03/07/2020 20:18

Yeah YABU I’m afraid. 1.5 hours really isn’t that far and even if you were to go into labour it’s very unlikely anything too significant would happen that quickly assuming there’s no back story you haven’t mentioned.

Sindragosan · 03/07/2020 20:18

He's right, you could be in labour for days (worst case) and you could go 10-14 days over depending on your health trust.

ECBC · 03/07/2020 20:19

Sorry I agree with your partner. He’s going 90 minutes away, I presume will have a phone on him? So he will be contactable? Perhaps there may be others who live closer who could help his grandmother move house, but this is a valid reason to do what is a reasonably short journey. Do you have a reason to think that your baby may come quickly? First babies typically take longer labours than subsequent.

user1493413286 · 03/07/2020 20:20

My DH works that distance from our home so to be honest I wouldn’t be worried. I’d be more concerned that his grandma has a back up plan though of what she’d do if he couldn’t come at the last minute.

CantKeepSecrets · 03/07/2020 20:20

Sorry but YABU. Even if you did go into labour not very much would be happening or going on in 1.5 hours with first baby.

YABVVVVVVU to even consider not letting him in the delivery room and afterwards I think you'll realise how dramatic you're being.

Dollywilde · 03/07/2020 20:20

I’m 35 weeks so not quite at your point yet, but it would be fine by me. If DH weren’t working from home he’d be just over an hour door to door from work to ours or the hospital. It’s one day.

Slat3 · 03/07/2020 20:20

Going out drinking? YANBU
Helping his elderly grandma? YABU

It’s not that far away, I’m doubtful if you went into labour it’d be over in 1.5 hours. In the kindest way, you need to get some perspective. Unless there’s a backstory we don’t know?

chipsandgin · 03/07/2020 20:21

Afraid yes, YABU - it’s only an hour and a half away, it’s a lovely thing to do & if you do go in to labour he’ll be back in plenty of time (many hours or even next day until you get to a point where it’s worth heading in to hospital).

Honestly not an issue - let alone one that induces fury and threats - it’s not like he’s suggesting going on a massive bender or a weekend away with mates, it’s helping an elderly lady move, pretty admirable really!?

PervyMuskrat · 03/07/2020 20:22

Going against the grain here, YANBU. I had super fast labours around 37/38 weeks and an hour and a half would have meant he completely missed DC2’s birth which was less than one hour from a standing start - waters broke, first contraction, baby born in all less than an hour. These things can and do happen.

AntiSocialDistancer · 03/07/2020 20:22

I would expect with an average risk pregnancy you would be aware during the week if it was reasonable or not. The baby is not likely to come on that day unless youre high risk, already cramping etc.

Etinox · 03/07/2020 20:23

YABU I’m afraid. Many partners are commuting that much, many women often that far away from home/ hospital at those dates.

PervyMuskrat · 03/07/2020 20:23

Oh and DC1 would have been less than 2 hours in the same way other than some bastard nicked the birthing stool and I laboured lying down for a bit.

jgjgjgjgjg · 03/07/2020 20:23

Medically you are full term at 37 weeks. Babies can and do arrive very quickly sometimes. That means your baby could very well arrive while your partner is away. If he is not going to be around you need to have a back up plan for a birth partner.

MsVestibule · 03/07/2020 20:24

Sorry, but YABU. If he was going on a lad's holiday to Spain, fair enough, but a 1.5 hr drive away? I would have no problem at all with it, and I am far from being relaxed about this type of thing!!

Given that you have a three(ish) week window in which you can give birth, the chances of you going into labour on the day he's away is quite small. Also, the majority of first time labours take many hours (mine was 10 and that was considered quite short) - after 1.5 hrs, your contractions probably won't be much more than mild pains. Just tell him to go and make sure he has his phone on VERY LOUD and to hand at all times.

SideEyeing · 03/07/2020 20:24

My DH went down south for the weekend when I was 37 weeks and I was internally seething (though it was for a birthday piss up with a friend rather than to help an older relative!) I get where you're coming from but I think PPs are probably right - he'd be able to get home. I do know that scared feeling though - first baby? (Not patronising, I only have one!)

Mamimawr · 03/07/2020 20:24

First labours are generally quite long. My second was born in less than 2 hours but my first labour was over 30 hours long.

CeibaTree · 03/07/2020 20:26

Yes I'm afraid YABVU. Good luck with everything though :)

AnotherEmma · 03/07/2020 20:27

YANBU.
With DC1 I had a relatively fast labour (for a first birth), it took more than 1.5 hours so DH would certainly have got there in time for the "main event" if he'd been that far away, but I was glad to have him there for the beginning. He grabbed the hospital bag and drove us to the hospital. So if he wasn't close by I'd feel nervous about wanting to go to the hospital and having to ask someone else to take me or take a taxi when I was feeling vulnerable.
Is there a close friend or relative who lives nearby and could be on standby (while he's away) to drop everything to be with you until he gets back?