At 39 weeks pregnant would you be happy with this?

[Cigarhands]

My boyfriend has just informed me that 8 days before the due date of our son (first baby) he is going to Manchester to help his elderly Grandma move house. Manchester is around 1.5 hours from our house. I've said this is daft, and someone else needs to help, he argues he will be home within 1.5 hours if I need him, the odds are I won't go into labour at 39 weeks and for me to go from no signs whatsoever giving birth within 1.5 hours would be very unlikely.

I'm ready to tell him he's not welcome in the delivery room at this point, whatever day it may be AIBU????

My DH worked away during the week, in an office with no mobile signal, and came home for weekends when I was pregnant with our first child. Somehow the baby knew and managed to wait until he got home before making her escape.

I agree YABU and I’m fairly certain I spent a lot more than 1.5 hours faffing about shaving my legs, online shopping, and double checking my hospital bag when my waters went and I needed to get to hospital.

Yes, I’d have let my OH go under those circumstances. In fact, I think I was still at work with only 10 days to go with my first.
It’s very unlikely that he’d not be able to get back if your labour started.
Just make sure he has his phone and he checks it regularly.

I think its sensible she has a back up plan as you could be in labour on the day so he can't go.

I probably wouldn't be that happy, yes its only 1.5 hours but thats 3 hours round trip plus moving time. What happens is contractions starts just as he gets there? Will he go leaving his grandmother stuck? Probably not therefore he might miss a lot of the labour.

"I’m fairly certain I spent a lot more than 1.5 hours faffing about shaving my legs, online shopping, and double checking my hospital bag when my waters went and I needed to get to hospital."

Ah well every woman in labour must do exactly that 🙄

All of mine were born at 39 weeks or earlier ... but you are still over-reacting. Lovely that he wants to help his grandma, and he should still have plenty of time to get home if you do go into labour.

Also depends where you’re based because if you’re in, eg Birmingham, getting back from Manchester on the M6 could take well in excess of 1.5h

Sorry but yabu. He's helping his elderly grandparent, he isn't far away at all.
It's extremely unlikely that you will go into labour, and be even ready to go to the hospital in an hour and a half, he'd have plenty of time to get home and make sure he was where he needed to be.
When I had my daughter, I had to give birth at a hospital that was over an hour and a half away, (Iwas taken by ambulance due to waters breaking and dd having heart problems)from my home, and husband was still working at the time and was working in Wales which is 2.5 hrs from our home, in the opposite direction so 4 hours away from hospital. He made it home to grab my bag, and met me at the hospital in plenty of time.
Let him help his grandma. Just ask that he keeps his phone on hand and on loud just in case you need to reach him.

Yes YABU but at least you have a lovely man who helps his Grandma .

What does his Grandma do if he has to drop everything and come back in a hurry?

DH commutes 1.5 hours so was still going to work when I was 41 weeks pregnant. I knew I could call him if needed. I understand you feeling uncertain as you would feel better if he is closer to home, but providing he keeps his phone close to home he should be fine. He does need a back up plan for his gran just in case he can't go though.

Is he going to drop everything, with a van just packed with Grandma's most essential items and drive straight home though? He isn't. He's going to drop her off, unload that van load, then set off.

You definitely need to make plans for getting to hospital by yourself. If you might need a taxi, call now to check they'd take you. A lot of firms won't.

Well I went into labour at 39 weeks and barely made it to hospital but this is quite unusual. If that were to happen frankly it's unlikely you'd even be bothered if he was there or not. Just let him go. Pick your battles

As someone (although I was induced) who went from not feeling anything to bring in active labour within an hour and a half I would say it could go very quick. On the other had others have been in labour for days. I think you tell him that the second you phone whatever he is doing he gets his butt home. Literally drops whatever he is doing.

He shouldn’t go. My second daughter was born within one hour of any signs of labour. You never know.

YANBU, my first was 17 days early and 1 hour 39 minute labour...

My husband was working (and living during the week) 4 hours away from home when I was pregnant. As it was, my waters broke at 35 weeks and he happened to be working half an hour from home that week, by sheer coincidence, but if I'd gone into labour when "expected" he'd have had a 4 hour drive to get home. It's just the way it is. I had a few friends and my DM on standby, just in case. I understand that pregnancy and labour can make you fixate on stuff that you wouldn't usually, but I do think you're overreacting, 1.5hrs isn't much at all, and he can't be with you at all times on the off-chance that you might go into labour.

YANBU my first labour was shorter than that. Most women have long first labours but not all.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!

It's very silly for people to say 'some men work this far away'. I know a woman whose partner was deployed overseas for most of her pregnancy and much of her newborn's life - so what, so should we all just shrug and say anyone who wants their partner to be around is asking too much? Of course not.

It's your first baby. It concerns me that you say he has 'informed' you of this. I expect he didn't mean anything by it, but I think these things should be discussions between you.

Is there anyone else who can help his grandmother to move house? If not, can he arrange for something? A team of movers might actually be better than a soon-to-be-dad who's constantly checking his phone.

I'm sorry to be all doom and gloom, but TBH, the reason you'd likely need him at short notice would be something going wrong. It happens. It's not that uncommon. I'm deliberately not going into details, but I would estimate that something like a minimum 1 in 50 women in full-term pregnancy experience a sudden trauma (whether it's sudden onset of labour or something else).

Of course, most first births go fine, and most first labours are quite long, but he'd never forgive himself if something happened and he wasn't there.

You'll be ok. I can see why you're worried but you'll know when you're in labour and in all likelihood, you'll have plenty of time. First births take ages and definitely not like they show in the movies. Plus, you'll be unlikely to give birth at 39 weeks. Just make sure his phone is working and 'do not disturb' isn't switched on. My dh had a nice lie in due to that being on and the midwives not being able to get through. Still made it with 6 hours to spare though for No 1. He missed number 2 though - only superman could have made it that quickly (20 minutes)

@changeofname890

You are a better woman than I. Like fuck would my DP have been in Vegas whilst I was heavily pregnant with DC3.

I didn’t make my due date with any of my 3. Number 1 my waters broke at 39 weeks, number 2 was born at 37+4 and number 3 at 36+1

@Crunchymum
"Better" is subjective!
Personally I don't aim to be a Cool Wife.

I am with your DP. It would be fine!

Aw, hope it all goes well for you, OP. It's completely natural to be nervous, but 1/5 hours away will be absolutely fine, honestly.

It's sweet that he's helping his grandma.
1.5 hours is not far.
Try to stop creating problems where there aren't any, or you'll make life extremely difficult for yourself and everyone around you.